Story untold

Work

What does work really means?

Noun
a) an activity, such as a job, which a person uses physical or mental effort or do, usually for money
b) the material used by someone at work, or what they produce:

Verb
to do a job, especially the job you do to earn money, or to make someone do a job

For the past few weeks, I have been arriving early at the office. Well, it was not only because I wanted to avoid any unwanted remarks about how late I arrive at the office but also because I want to be mentally ready. The first 10 minutes alone mean so much to me as the office politic is getting really horrendous and at times I just can’t bear them.

There are some unwritten rules that I just found out the other day.

Thou shalt not show anger

I had been advised not to display my anger because it could dampen the morale of the team. But the funny thing is we can always let people know how tired we are after spending our night in the clubs or if we got up late on that particular day. I keep wondering what this person was trying to suggest. Was she trying to suggest that we could only display the tired face from 9am – 6pm? It would be even more stressful since you’d look like a walking zombie and totally hazardous for other’s mental health.

Thou shalt act like a bimbo

I have to put up lots of act in a day. Occasionally, I’d have a very busy day and I have to act like a bimbo from 9am – 6pm and I’d end up feeling real tired and would hit the sack as soon as I reach home. Last Friday, I had to join the other administrators and secretaries for the yearly room inspection at one of the service apartment in Jalan Ampang. I had to pretend that I loved to be around them and had to put up with some of them who asked some ridiculous questions about the services available though the answers are already written down in the pamphlets. I should have been given the award for the best actress for the act that I had put up there and a datukship for being able to spend my precious 2 hours with the devils without ever feeling nauseous.

Thou shalt not speak to the boss

I came to know that I actually have no supervisor and have to report directly
to the VP and the Directors but it seems like I have to report to some unofficial supervisors that let me do all the shitty works. What makes me feel so mad is that I can’t even ask a simple question from my director directly but to have to go through my so-called supervisor. Every issue should be raised up to the ‘supervisor’ and the person will then relay them to the Directors and I’d have to wait sometimes for a few hours to get my answer. It really is frustrating at times since I have to let my time go wasted to get a simple answer and have to succumb to the idea that I don’t have any rights to speak my piece of mind.

Thou shalt pretend not knowing each other at the hallway

This unwritten rule is so hilarious. Whenever you see your officemate even though the one that sitting next to you happen to stumble into you in the hallway, you both would treat each other like strangers and never make any eye contact. It’d be even better if you could see the person coming from the other end 500m before you guys bump into each other so that you could take a detour or perhaps stop at any cubicles and pretend to have a serious conversation.

What I am trying to say is that most of the times I really love the environment and the company but usually the people around will fuck me up and take the best of me.

Theatre - Puteri Gunung Ledang The Musical

I had girl’s night out on Valentine’s Day. At first I thought that we wouldn’t make it on time since the road was totally jam and there were lots of small accidents along the way. The supposedly 15 minutes journey had been a 30 minutes instead. My girlfriends who got there earlier were so anxious since she was afraid that we couldn’t get there on time. Alas, love works magic on that day and we got there just in the nick of time.

A few people asked me why would I want to waste my money to watch the musical. Was I smitten by Stephen Rahman-Hughes good look or perhaps I just didn’t have anything else to do. I suppose his good looks might have contributed a small percentage to my decision making process but it was mainly to give my support to the local theatre. To those who thought that he couldn’t speak Malay, well you are totally wrong. By the way, he has such a beautiful voice that makes you want to take him home to sing you a lullaby every night.

I have never been to any musical theatre before, so I suppose I can’t give a good review on PGL The Musical. When I saw AC Mizal on stage the first thing that came across my mind was that can he sing better than his rapping in 4U2C? But when he started to sing I knew that he had put 4U2C behind and it was really astounding to see his own interpretation of Majapahit King. One thing for sure, I like it millions of time more than the movie. Kudos to those involved for giving the audiences the best of experience so far.


Documentary - Voices At The Bottom Of The Pyramid

A million thanks to Da Boss, Yasmin Ahmad, for giving me the opportunity to watch her very first documentary last Friday together with other TSC-ers. What I could say is this, please watch the documentary if you could catch it anywhere since it’d definitely enlighten you in lots of way. The most appealing part for me personally is when one of the women talked about dignity. The women surely don’t have lots of money and stuff like we do have here and certainly most of them would never heard of Guess and Levis, but they have one important thing that we seem to slowly forget, dignity and pride.

One would see the documentary as another Majalah Tiga but some will see it as a textbook to learn more about the reality in life. Though the subject is about the Indian women but still you can see that there’s got to be more to life than your Ikea furniture and plasma TV.

What do you want?

Someone asked me this question the other day and sadly I didn’t have a clue.

Happy Rip Off Day

Today is the day where flowers especially roses could be sold at least twice the normal price. The chocolatiers definitely have better sales percentage today. Hotels and restaurants that serve the food in kid’s portions that have Valentine’s package on the price of one week’s budgeted expenses will also have their share today. After the rip off day, some of the guys would have to fast until the next pay which would be in another 2 weeks while the girls would be in cloud nine that seems to last forever. Such a great news to the bosses since this would definitely be the time where productivity reach its peak. For those who forgot to make their reservations or don’t have the budget to buy the flowers and have dinner at the fancy restaurant, worry not! We have lots of stalls and mamak’s restaurant, which you could go to. Be creative with the flowers. Just pick them up at Taman Titiwangsa or if you have enough guts just go to Taman Orkid for a better flower quality. Have fun to all the couples but remember, the percentage of people that broke up during the Valentine’s Day is far higher than the normal days.

Film

For the past two weeks I have seen Heath Ledger in two different movies, brokeback mountain and brothers grimm and last night Casanova. It felt slightly awkward seeing him as the world’s greatest lover after seeing him in his role in brokeback mountain. LOL. If you like Heath Ledger in A Knight’s Tale, you will definitely love him in this.

Books

I should be banned from all the bookstores I suppose. I can’t help myself but to buy another book again yesterday. This time is the latest installments by Tom Holt, you don’t have to be evil to work here, but it helps. A book which have some good career advice which I would recommend to be read by those who are struggling in their work place which the youngest female staff is on the verge of having her menopause.

Work

I kept clenching my jaws since last week and even more when someone called me up on Sunday to ask about work matters, which I definitely know nothing about and had to settle them on the basis of doing a favour. I wish I could have hanged someone just for the fun it. LOL.

World Keeps Turning

a face as long as a wet week

I went back to my hometown for the long holidays. I spent most of the time at home, and went out once in a while. It was sort of like revitalize, rejoice and rejuvenate as far as I’m concern. Time seemed to be ticking slower there compared to when I am in KL. I guess it is maybe because I have lots of things to do here. As always, mum cooked lots of my favourite dish, which made both of my sisters grateful that I came back for a visit since they could have free meals everyday. LOL.

My nephews and nieces gave me some big hugs, which I really needed for god knows how long. I spent some quality time together; the late night talk about their life and problems, DVD marathon, reading and the usual fights about who is the one that should be the leader of the pack. They had shown some signs of responsibilities by taking care of the young ones while we lot gossiping in the kitchen. The latest addition to the family, Erfan Qayyim is surrounded by love not only from his parents but also from the cousins who seems to be taking care of him, including Aliff the Chicken Little who is only 1 year old.

Grandpa has changed a bit. He had lost some weight and didn’t speak much. I tried to have a chat with him but he just stared blankly onto the wall. Mum was a bit worried about the changes and we had to assure her that there’s nothing wrong with him. I cooked his favourite dish and he just ate them silently. When I was a kid, I used to spend my weekend at my grandparents house. I used to cycle 10km back and forth with my grandpa to the day market on every Sunday without failed. When we got there, we usually had our breakfast at his favourite kopitiam. Most of his friends that hung out with him there had already passed away and I suppose he misses them all.

I went out with Kojeh and mum the other day and we drove passed the graveyard. I saw a man was busy tending one of the cemeteries. I didn’t go to visit abah’s like I always do. I miss him though but still I couldn’t see myself standing next to his cemetery and started to speak about my misery.

When I was about to step out from the house to go the train station to come back to KL, I realized that mum had a face as long as a wet week. She kept asking when am I going to come home again. I pretended that I didn’t hear her. I always have a mixed feeling about coming back home. The other side of me would keep telling me that it is my responsibility to always come home and see my mum but the other side would be saying that it hurt me so much to come back and see what my family has become.

Friends

I had a little gathering the other day with some friends from the secondary school. Usually I would always decline the invitation for a reunion especially the one that include the over achievers LOL. It is tiring to answer the standard questions that will always be asked in any reunions. Have you found the one? When are you getting married? How much is your pay? Would it be enough?

I have known one of them since I was in the primary school. One of them is not that lucky in her career path, the other one is damn happy with her job and the last one is still looking for a job. I never felt more relieved to meet them all that day. I was reminded of my root through the conversations and I am glad that I still remember what I was made of.


Films

Trips to the “penjual VCD haram’ is a must. So I went there with a mission to buy Brokeback Mountain and Transamerica. Both movies are about sexualities, but definitely trying to evoke very different feelings. Brokeback Mountain definitely has a better DOP, IMHO. Watch them without any prejudice and you shall see why I said that it would evoke your feelings. Another fine movie that I have seen is me and you and Everyone We Know. You will see how hard it is to connect with other people. I suppose some of us use blogging as a way to connect to people too.

Boooks

I have watched Trainspotting a few years ago and I loved it so much. During one of my weekly trip to Border’s with Hazera I found the book, amidst the classical shelves. This time I could never be so thankful to people who could never put the book back to the right shelves. Reading this book is such a challenge since you might take sometime to understand the colloquial speech. Once you have got a grip, it would be a smooth sailing.

I have never read Gabriel Garcia Marquez before though I know a few lads who love his writings. I ended up buying One Hundred Years of Solitude when I couldn’t find the book that I really wanted to buy. Lesson of the day: always write down the title of the book just in case you might forget. There’s no use to memorize the colour of the cover only.

Music

Richard Ashcroft is back! I have always loved his video clip, after I saw his ‘A song for the lovers’ video clip. It is simple but yet interesting. His latest single, Break the night with colour is smashing. Another video clip that had caught my eyes is by Korn, Twisted Transistor. What can I say? Korn would always come out with great ideas for their video clips.

The loneliness - Pablo Neruda

Pic courtesy of http://zforzzz.fotopages.com

I want to walk with you and know,
know the reasons why; I want to walk
inside of your shattered heart,
to ask the lost dust,
the shay, dispersed jasmine

whay?why this miserable dirt?
why this forsaken light?
why this shadow without stars?
why doom in Paita?

Wanna Rent My Life?

I went over to visit a colleague whose dad passed away on Monday. It was the first Hindu funeral that I ever attended ever in my life. It was interesting but somewhat brought me back down the memory lane. When I got to the house, I saw her family gathered around the body that was laid on the floor, clothed in the traditional silk suit. Then I realized how composed they were, as if content with the loss.

But I realized something else that very moment. I felt empty like never before. Throughout my life I have been to a several funeral excluding my family members. Whenever I got there, I would feel sad as if somebody has taken a piece of me.

Perhaps I got a better grip of myself now or maybe I am just being as daft as a brush

Books!

I have finished reading Merde Actually by Stephen Clarke during the weekend. Usually I don’t really believe what ever is written on the cover or the jacket of a book. Sometimes lots of good things written on the cover and made you believe that the book really is a must buy. You’d even kill your cat instead if you don’t get to buy the book. This time, it really is different. I must confess that whatever thing written on the cover of the book really is true! But one more food that has always been associated with the French, which is the frog, has not been given the mentioning that it deserves! Stephane Clarke must have owes lots of apologies to the French!

Merde Actually takes us further into the life of Paul West (Pol West) as pronounced by the French, a year after he arrived in Paris. We will travel to the nudist beach, Ars and yet back again to Paris where he struggles with My Tea Is Rich project. The escargots that bear the Union Jack and the France flag have scored the point to make its way into my book cover top ten list! To those PETA supporters out there: No escargots were harm during the writing of this book, I guess.

After 2 humor books, I opt to continue my reading with My sister’s keeper by Jodi Picoult which has a very interesting tagline on the cover of the book: If you use one of your children to save the life of another, are you being a good mother or a very bad one? I don’t usually go for such genre but what the heck; reading something different would add some colours into my mundane week!

This is my favourite phrase from the book :

Doubt thou that the stars are fire;

Doubt thou that the sun doth move;

Doubt truth to be a liar;

But never doubt that I love.

William Shakespeare, Hamlet

Music

Someone gave me Rammstein’s CD, Rosenrot, the other week. If you never heard of them before, that is because this is an industrial band from Germany. At first my thought was like what V loves to say : Blardi hell! Kenot understand at all! Besides, I had started to love this particular song, which is a duet with Texas singer, Sharleen Spiteri. This is the type of song that will stick in your brain for a while.

Alas, thank god for Internet! Have Internet will travel!

German

Die Nacht öffnet ihren Schoß
Das Kind heißt Einsamkeit
Es ist kalt und regungslos
Ich weine leise in die Zeit
Ich weiß nicht wie du heißt
Doch ich weiß dass es dich gibt
Ich weiß dass irgendwann
irgendwer mich liebt

He comes to me every night
No words are left to say
With his hands around my neck
I close my eyes and pass away

I don't know who he is
In my dreams he does exist
His passion is a kiss
And I can not resist

Ich warte hier
Don't die before I do
Ich warte hier
Stirb nicht vor mir

I don't know who you are
I know that you exist
Stirb nicht
Sometimes love seems so far
Ich warte hier
Your love I can't dismiss
Ich warte hier

Alle Häuser sind verschneit
Und in den Fenstern Kerzenlicht
Dort liegen sie zu zweit
Und ich
Ich warte nur auf dich

Ich warte hier
Don't die before I do
Ich warte hier
Stirb nicht vor mir

I don't know who you are
I know that you exist
Stirb nicht
Sometimes love seems so far
Ich warte hier
Your love I can't dismiss

Stirb nicht vor mir

English

The night opens her lap
The child's name is loneliness
It is cold and motionless
I cry softly into time
I don't know what your name is
But I know that you exist
I know that sometime
someone will love me

He comes to me every night
No words are left to say
With his hands around my neck
I close my eyes and pass away

I don't know who he is
In my dreams he does exist
His passion is a kiss
And I can not resist

I wait here
Don't die before I do
I wait here
Don't die before I do

I don't know who you are
I know that you exist
Don't die
Sometimes love seems so far
I wait here
Your love I can't dismiss
I wait here

All the houses are covered in snow
And candle light in the windows
They lie there together
And I
I only wait for you

I wait here
Don't die before I do
I wait here
Don't die before I do

I don't know who you are
I know that you exist
Don't die
Sometimes love seems so far
I wait here
Your love I can't dismiss

Don't die before I do

Work

Bearing the burden of other people works really is killing me at the moment. There is a devilish woman in the office that is such a lazy bum who thinks that she is the only person working in the office. Since my cubicle is located at the far end of the wing, which is a very strategic place if you want to hide from the devil, she thought that I have nothing much to do.

So now I ended up having to do her job as well. What makes me want to strangle her is seeing how slow she does her job. if I pass any documents to be signed by the VP, I would have to call or see her myself again and again to make sure that she’d pass them to him. Apart from that, I’d have to collect and send her documents to and from other departments. When she was pregnant, I had to do most of her jobs too. Man, this is too much. I might propose to my director to let me handle her department since literally I have been administering her department, whether anybody realize it or not!

Just imagine if I could have her pay too! Muahhahahahahaaahhahaahahahahhahahahahhahahahahha

Bintang Di Surga

I know you like an open book

I had a very long conversation with an old friend that I’ve known for almost 10 years now. He said that I haven’t changed much since our last meeting about a year ago. As always, I want him to listen to my silly ideas on how the world should be run and how simple life could be from my point of view. His remarks about me having too idealistic ideas made me realized how do I with such a complicated thinking could live such a simple life. Actually I don’t ask for much from anyone but lately people been asking too much from me. And me being me, I would never say no to anything. Sooner or later I might don’t even have the energy to lift up my finger!

Another merde in a not so different bucket

I stumbled into the hr consultant the other day and she started to ask what my job scope is. I answered without much interest knowing that I would end up being in the merde. Then I came to learn that hr only agreed to give me one-month contract, which really contradict to what my boss told me. From hr point of view it seems like the budget should be adhere nonetheless so my boss would have to choose between me and the other senior in a month time.

The thing is, I am not here to compete for a permanent position especially if it’s going to risk somebody else’s job. But should I be held responsible if she losses her job if I have proven that I could do a better job thus make me deserves this job more than she does?

Such dilemma added up with some flu and coughs make me pray everyday that I won’t die soon.

Mari Makan Lengkong bersama King Kong

I went over to watch King Kong in IMAX with Hazera, Habri, David and Nico last Tuesday. It was quite exciting to think whether it’d be possible to see the King Kong’s nose up close when I watch it on IMAX. After 3 disturbing hours, I was never so glad when the movie finished.

My advice would be: please stick to the original King Kong if you are the type of moviegoer who wants to feel some emotions from a movie. But please hail King Kong by Peter Jackson if you love seeing King Kong fights the gruesome T-Rex. There is a scene which has a shot of Adrien Brody taken from this certain angle that makes him look so fragile and you’d begin to wonder why would he wants to be in this kind of movie. One thing for sure: I just love all the shoes worn by Ann Darrow in this movie LOL.

Finding my refuge in poetry

For the past few days I have been finding my refuge in poetry, either by the Sufi masters or just some ordinary poets. I came across this poem by Hafiz when I felt so much despair in my life and I want to share it with you guys here.

Out of this mess

Pray
To be humble
So that God does not
Have to appear to be so stingy.

O pray to be honest,
Strong,
Kind,
And pure,

So that the Beloved is never miscast
As a cruel great miser.

I know you have a hundred complex cases
Against God in court,

But never mind, wayfarer,
Let’s just get out of this mess

And pray to be loving and humble
So that the Friend will be forced to reveal

Himself so Near!

Hafiz – Taken from The Gift Poems by Hafiz The Great Sufi Master

Feels just like it should

I have started to make a full use of my weekly planner. A week before there were only a few notes on my friends birthday but then I realized that I have always forgotten what movies that I have seen or whom that I hang out with on the previous weekend. Thus, last night I have started to write down every detail from what I remember and also the current events. What makes my new habit even sweeter was because the person that I hang out with for dinner yesterday decided to write down his own notes on our outing. Perhaps the beautiful full moon that we saw last night had made us do silly things. Who knows?

Movie

The Wig

I went to watch this movie after hearing a rave reviews from Nana. To be honest, it was quite scary . I think out of 60 people who were in the cinema hall with me that night, 40 of them would have screamed, while the other 10 would just kept their cool to impress their girlfriends whilst the rest of them would just closed their eyes with jackets and such.LOL.

What makes the movie so different you might say? Well, most of the horror movies made are usually about women who turned into ghosts. But this time, it was a man’s ghost! Yeap, you read it right! MAN’S GHOST!But in this movie it's a gay ghost. Attention: I don't mean to offend any gays out there. I believe that it doesn't matter what your sexual orientation is, but if you are bad then you really are bad. Putting a label on people based on gender,race and sexual orientation is definitely a no-no to me.

What is the moral of the story? I’m not going to say that girls should never use the rebonding technique, which would be silly since hair is definitely a girl’s throne. At the end of the movie you’ll realize that jealousy is the root of evil. When you feel jealous, you’ll tend to have a very negative impression on other persons and it will lead to some fatal incidents. By the way, never leave your camera around or somebody might use it to kill you. I shall remind you guys who either likes to play truant by hanging out in the lavatory or a quickie in the loo should never watch this movie or you might never go anywhere near the toilet bowl.

Work

Praise to God that I have been given another 3 months contract. But still the good news has not put me in the working mode just yet. The week went by as usual in the office. Same shit, different buckets I suppose.

I have developed a decent relationship with some girls who have been working at the office for almost a decade now. One of them has started to feel that her life serves no other purpose and she lives merely because she lives. This is very startling since I sense that she has shut down her feelings before and only lately she feels some anger building up inside her. I wonder whether her relationships with some other younger colleagues and me who lead more fulfilling lives have contributed to trigger the negative feelings in her!

I just hope that none of us would need to go through such feelings because I can tell you that it really is ugly. Shutting down your feelings will certainly bring more harms than good. You’d feel like life is nothing but working, do good deeds and perform your prayers. I am not saying that perform the prayers is not good but life is certainly more than that. Surround yourself with family, good friends, great books and do lots of cool activities. Please don’t die before your time! **These last sentences make me sounds like Dr Phil, don’t I? Hahahahha**

Books

I have finished A Year in the Merde. It really is hilarious especially the bit about the differences on food, sexuality and red tapes in England and France. A must read if you want to know why French can be so arrogant but yet romantic and Brits would always be sarcastic no matter what.

I continued reading ‘tis last night. I think I can really understand why abah wanted me to become a teacher. He always thought highly of this career and that was how Gebob and Kojeh ended up being teachers. For him teaching is not about going into the class, ask the student to open up the book and read. It’s more about nurturing their personalities and abilities. I remember when I was small; a young man came over to see abah during Hari Raya. He merely came over to thank abah for making him realized that he could reach for the star if he was willing to work hard. I guess that would be one of the best days in his life.

The next books in my list: Merde Actually, my sister’s keeper and some other books, which have been read halfway hehehhe.

Life in General

It really was a very pleasing week I would say. Got to make someone’s day (I assume), received a good news for myself and learned a thing or two and master a few tricks. All in all, a great week!

Dedication

Here’s a poem for the person who celebrated his birthday with a bang this week.

XV –Twenty love Poems and A Song of Despair

I like for you to be still: it is as though you were absent,
And you hear me from far away and my voice does not touch you.
It seems as though your eyes had flown away
And it seems that a kiss had sealed your mouth.

As all things are filled with my soul
you emerge from the things, filled with my soul,
You are like my soul, a butterfly of dream,
And you are like the word Melancholy.

I like for you to be still, and you seem so far away.
It sounds as though you were lamenting, a butterfly cooing like a dove.
And you hear me from far away, and my voice does not reach you:
Let me come to be still in your silence.
And let me talk to you with your silence
That is bright as a lamp, simple as a ring.
You are like the night, with its stillness and constellations.
Your silence is that of a star, as remote and candid.

I like for you to be still: it is as though you were absent,
Distant and full of sorrow as though you had died.
One word then, one smile, is enough.
And I am happy, happy that it’s not true.

Pablo Neruda

2006 is here to stay!

I ended up 2006 with a movie marathon with Faye. We started with Perhaps Love which definitely has an awesome soundtrack and a very handsome Takeshi Kaneshiro with his manly voice.**Drooling**.We took a break for some shopping before we continued with Wallace and Gromit. I definitely like this one better than Corpse Bride that I had to watch it again with David and Nico. Since we were already not in the mood for 2 hours long movie or a very heavy one, we decided to watch A Chinese Tall Story which had lots of CGIs. It felt as if I was watching Star Wars again. The last movie for the day was Narnia that had given me a very unforgettable incident which I wish could be erased with a blink of my eyes!

After only 10 days in 2006, I started to realize lots of things. The most significant should be how purposeless my life would be this year. Well, as if I ever had any before LOL. I started badly in 2005 and it lasted for the half of the year. To be honest, I certainly can’t really remember what happened to me last year. Perhaps I have blocked most of the memories especially all the bad ones. If any of you happened to be in them then I owe you an apology for not being able to reminisce all the bad recollections later on in life.

Things that I know for sure are these : I have learnt a lot about life, made lots of new friends, grew more camaraderie, lost a few friends and found the missed ones. My greatest gratitude goes to those who reads my blog and leave words of encouragements for my postings in 2005.

One of the most significant things that happened in 2005 would be the TSC. It all started with the appreciation on Sepet and admiration towards Yasmin Ahmad that brought us all together. The other would be when at last I got to get my life back together. For 7 months I just let my life went with the flow and struggled to survive all the barriers (and a few barricades I might say) when I finally ended up having a new job. My contract is said to be continued but am not certain for how long at the moment.

Thank you so much for those who have always been there for me.I certainly couldn't repay all the good times, the great talks and the romantic moments (if applicable).You guys know who you are ;)

As usual, no resolutions are made since it won’t last after a few weeks!

Things in the office are going smoothly especially in the last 2 weeks of December. Lots of people went for their holidays and only a few of us were left in the office. I should say that it would be the most peaceful time ever! But it felt a bit bored since I didn’t get to pull somebody's leg. Duh! During this period I realized a few things that I have learnt and use them as my practices since I started working here.

1.The dumber you are the better
This practice is essential especially when you have to deal with those who think that they have worked there since the stone ages so they know everything. If you can pretend that you never know how to switch on the light without ever having to show that you are disgusted with your own act then congratulations! You are in the right track to become the next most favorite staff in the office politics

2.Beware of the devils!
Make sure that you mix with the right group. Hence always mingle around to recognize the group that fit you the most. It might take some time but please be patient because it will definitely bring you a lot of benefits.Not only you will get the latest on grapevines but also some good shoulders to cry on.

3.Sharpen up your act
If you are the type of person who can’t live without Yahoo Messenger, MSN Messenger or Google Talk then use the right tool so that you wouldn’t be detected by the firewall set up by your company. But remember, when you start to chat in the office you will need to be very cautious and act up as if you really are busy especially when you start to type really fast when you have so many friends online. Make sure that you toss lots of paper works around and if anybody calls your office phone pick them up only after a few rings in order for you to convince your colleagues in the other cubicles. Practice your hand to move the mouse really fast so that you could change the window in 0.0003 seconds as per Gaban’s movement since it really is important especially when your boss suddenly comes over to your desk. You wouldn’t want to be caught red handed I can assure you that!

Books!

Lately I have the tendency to read 3 books simultaneously, a habit that I am not so fond of. At the moment I’ve been reading ‘tis by Frank McCourt, a year in the merde by Stephen Clarke and the poetry of Pablo Neruda which I read before I go to sleep every night. Well, I’m not so sure when I’m going to finish it since it is roughly 1000 pages!

Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Adha

It’s Hari Raya Aidil Adha today and here I am spending my nighttime in front of the PC. I went to my cousin’s house in the afternoon and got lost for almost an hour. I almost decided to go home when I realized that it wouldn’t be a meaningful Hari Raya if I celebrated it alone. Luckily I went on well and I came back with my stomach full of nasi himpit, rendang and laksa.

I called mum in the morning and she told me that she was actually on the bed and was about to get some nap. I wanted to speak to Tuk Wan but mum told me that he had been crying for 2 days long and refused to eat anything. So I thought it’d be best if I don’t speak to him since he would cry even more when he heard my voice.

Gebob was busy with her new baby, which has a very weird name. At first it sounded like some ice cream from Baskin Robbins but after a while it sounds like a plant. Kojeh as usual was having a ball with her in laws. I can’t thank god enough for Kak Chik and Kak Yong still don’t understand on how the calendar works or else they might have called me everyday to ask when am I going to go back to see them!

Whatever happened to Mariah Carey?

If you gals have seen the latest installments of Mariah Carey’s video clip you should have realized that she seems to be having inferiority complex. She has changed the size of her bust, her butts and god knows what else has she changed before. I suppose if we live without any regulations, social norms and religions restrictions she might as well make a video clip that looks like soft porn to show her assets! LOL!


Blind-Lifehouse

I was young but I wasn't naive

I watched helpless as he turned around to leave

And still I have the pain I have to carry

A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

After all this timeI never thought we'd be here

Never thought we'd be here

When my love for you was blind

But I couldn't make you see it

Couldn't make you see it

That I loved you more than you'll ever know

A part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep

Only in hopes of dreaming

That everything would be like is was before

But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting

They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

After all this timeI never thought we'd be here

Never thought we'd be here

When my love for you was blind

But I couldn't make you see it

Couldn't make you see it

That I loved you more than you'll ever know

A part of me died when I let you go

After all this time

Would you ever wanna leave it

Maybe you could not believe it

That my love for you was blind

But I couldn't make you see it

Couldn't make you see it

That I loved you more than you will ever know

A part of me died when I let you go

And I loved you more than you'll ever know

A part of me dies when I let you go

Thought of the day

love is one big lie so companies could make lots of profits out of it

Letter to Abah

I know my abah would never get to read this letter but still I want to write it down. A year has passed and I got lots of things to tell but there’s no one would ever be willing to listen like he did. So this letter is merely about my thoughts on stuff.

Dear Abah,

Mum just had her cataract removed a few weeks ago. When I was taking care of her I caught her crying silently. I suppose she wished that you were there to comfort her. Well, you know how mum is; she could easily get scared over nothing. She even asked the nurses if I should go into the operating theatre with her. Luckily they told her that it was so unnecessary and I could just waited at the ward. How grateful I was when I heard that coz I didn’t get much sleep the night before. Mum woke me up at 5am and asked me to get dressed. Remember how she likes to annoy me? Well, I guess this is one of the most annoying moments with mum LOL

Lots of things happened since you passed away. Mum is doing fine now and I guess she has started to get over you already. The other day when I went home, she slept on the bed that you have shared with her for 34 years and I took it as a good sign. I still don’t sleep on my bed though. When I lay down to sleep, I keep remembering the time when your body was laid on it. The kids are using it as their battlefield now so I suppose I would just let it be so long as it is not go wasted.

I suppose Tuk Wan misses you too though he’s on the verge of having Alzheimer. He still calls up your name sometimes and he would start to cry when mum slowly answers him and explains why you are not here anymore. It really is painful to hear it each time and I always pretend no to hear this.

Along, Angah, Kak Chik and Kak Yong are missing you ever since. The other day they compiled all of your pictures and put them in some new albums. I just realized that there is not a single picture of my childhood in there. Worry not, I don’t really mind. Maybe at that time you were too occupied with lots of things and you didn’t really be bothered to take my pictures at that time. Aliff have started to walk and he could utter a few words. Gebob is expecting her second child anytime now. I don’t speak to her for quite sometimes now. Things are not going really well between us girls. Lots need to be done if we want to patch things up.

Our relationship with your family is getting worse. Your siblings seemed to be trying hard to make our life miserable. Mum keeps losing her sleep each night over this matter. How I wish I could work some miracles and make things better for everyone. Why wouldn’t they let us live in peace? What have we done to them? It hurts so bad that I vowed never to step to Granny’s house anymore. Please forgive me Abah but you know long before that I could never tolerate this.

I found “To kill a mockingbird” in the storeroom with some of your books. There are few books that you bought for me that I never got to finish. Perhaps I’d try to read them all in 2006. Oh! One more thing! I’ve started to read poems again. I’ve started to collect and download the poems from the Internet too. Though how passionate I am about poems I always know that I would never be able to write any of my own hahahaha. Ah Kow’s dogs would still chase me up every time I walk pass his house. Where did I go wrong? Did I like to throw up stones at dogs when I was small? Why would they want to chase me and only me out of thousands people in our housing area? Do I deserve this terrible punishment just because I haven’t jog for years now? It drives me mad each time because I have to take the other road to get home. Mum told me that people have complained to City Council but each time they come over to catch the dogs they would never be anywhere in sight!

Remember our conversation in the car when we were on our last trip to Granny’s house 3 days before you passed away? The trial of Datuk Sharifah Aini versus Siti Nurhaliza had started but I don’t have any interest to follow the daily updates. I heard that Datuk Sharifah Aini’s team got some new evidence so the trial had been adjourned. I have watched Yasmin Ahmad’s latest movie “Gubra” and it really is a great movie. I got to watch Stanley Kubrick’s “Full Metal Jacket” the other day. It was such a pity that I couldn’t watch it with you because I know how much you loved the movies about Vietnam wars. Did you know that Mexico is in the same group as Portugal in Group B for the upcoming World Cup? I hope Portugal could at least get to the Semi-Final and England will finally win the World Cup! At least we could have more news about the England team rather than David Beckham’s scandals and new hairdos. By the way, Becks got his own perfume label and the perfume smells like weeds, but at least it’s slightly better than Andre Agassi’s Aramis. Still, I can’t wait to see the Italians and their sexy jerseys heehehhehe.

Think it’d be better if I stop now before I start to talk about my misery life, literally. Hope you have a good rest.

Love,

Your bored stiff daughter

Things that should've been posted before

This posting was written during the MVA awards but I didn’t get to use the PC and my blog had some probs. I decided to post this up when I got a comment that I socialize too much and didn’t give my 110% during the important project. Duh!

Hey! It’s Saturday!

I finally got my weekends back, after spending my two weekends in the office. In order for me to celebrate, I decided to head to the National Art Gallery with Hazera and Jaja to attend the scriptwriting talk given by Da Boss, Yasmin Ahmad on a very sunny Saturday. It was a really exhilarating experience to learn more about the process of writing a script from Da Boss. But it was even more thrilling to see her sharing the enthusiasm with the participants.

Alas, my weariness has taken its toll. I fell asleep while watching the documentary about the making of Bajau Parang . If I were not tired, I believe that I would have watched the whole docu, so I should say that it was my loss then.

Since it was my first visit to the National Art Gallery, then I suppose I should write a bit about my experience there. The cafeteria’s ambience was good but the service given was horrendous. It was terribly slow and the waiter always got confused with the order. Duh! The directory too was somewhat confusing. On the directory it was shown that the National Art Gallery has its own surau. But when we asked about it, we were told to go to Istana Budaya instead. Perhaps, it’d be better if they could take out the surau’s sign from the directory to avoid any confusion.

All in all, it was a great day.

As promised, here’s a short note about hospital and why I never liked it

My mum and I arrived at the hospital quite early for her pre-surgery check-up. Armed with 3 books and a knapsack I stepped into the waiting area while mum went for her check-up. Lots of people were already there, either to have a regular check-up or to register for the surgery. After a few hours, mum and I were led to the ward.

It was really tense at first. I saw a 3-year-old child whose hand was broke and the doctor didn’t do anything until the training doctors came over so he could demonstrate the treatment. A lonely old woman who burnt 60% of her body who kept waiting for her sister to come over brought tears to my eyes. I wished I never had to see all these; alas I had to fulfill my responsibility towards my mum. Apart from the fact that I felt nauseous from the smell of the antiseptic, the sight of the suffering patients and the annoying nurses were some of the main reasons why I never liked the hospital. Not forget to mention the lack of cute doctors around the hospital must also be listed as th reason why I don't like the hospital hahaha!

I told mum that I wanted to go home for lunch and came back later on. But mum being mum, she didn’t let me to go anywhere. I was annoyed and decided to take a breather. I had the chance to walk around Taiping in the afternoon. I haven’t been there for a few years now. When I was little, I always spent my weekends and school holidays in Kampung Pinang with my godparents. Mum told me the other day that somebody told her that Ayah Lope had passed away not so long time ago. We didn’t keep in touch with them for years and I know that mum misses them too. I was such a great loss that I forgot to bring along a camera with me that day. There were many beautiful scenes and I never realized them before. Amongst the things that I realized the most is the hotel, which is called Hotel Paris that really reminded me of David and Nico.LOL.

There was a patient who supposed to have a surgery after mum. She was so scared that her daughters had to hold her hands all the time until the moment when she had to be pushed to operation theatre. It was funny and annoying at the same time when she couldn’t wait to ask my mum how the procedure was done as soon as she saw the nurses pushing my mum back into our room. Mum who was still numb just talking incoherently and that really freaked her out!

The best moment in the ward would be the visiting hour, which could give the same effect as the happy hour in bars and clubs or perhaps something even better; the mambo jambo in Zouk. The companionship brought by the visitors could soothe the weary souls even just for a few minutes. When both my sisters came over to visit they could tell that I was bored to death. Deep down I knew that they couldn’t thank God enough for giving the idea to the Chinese guy to invent the paper so that books could be printed out! I got to finish two books and started on a new one during my 3 days stay in the ward. At the end of the day it felt like a vacation instead but with some emotional holocaust!

horayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

My blog is back!Thank God for the miracle given!

Wanted to write but too sleepy hehehe...

from The Book of Questions

III.


Tell me, is the rose naked
or is that her only dress?

Why do trees conceal
the splendor of their roots?

Who hears the regrets
of the thieving automobile?

Is there anything in the world sadder
than a train standing in the rain?

Pablo Neruda

Tidakkk!

Won't be around for the next few days..
Going to camp out in the hospital with me mum..
Feel free to drop me a few lines in the comment box..
Would write about the hospital experience when i come back,hopefully in one piece hehehe..
in the mean time,take care y'all!

Kekure on:

Courtesy of Yasmin Ahmad http://yasminthestoryteller.blogspot.com/

The Lover Asks Forgiveness Because Of His Many Moods

IF this importunate heart trouble your peace
With words lighter than air,
Or hopes that in mere hoping flicker and cease;
Crumple the rose in your hair;
And cover your lips with odorous twilight and say,
'O Hearts of wind-blown flame!
O Winds, older than changing of night and day,
That murmuring and longing came
From marble cities loud with tabors of old
In dove-grey faery lands;
From battle-banners,
fold upon purple fold,
Queens wrought with glimmering hands;
That saw young Niamh hover with love-lorn face
Above the wandering tide;
And lingered in the hidden desolate place
Where the last Phoenix died,
And wrapped the flames above his holy head;
And still murmur and long:
O piteous Hearts, changing till change be dead
In a tumultuous song':
And cover the pale blossoms of your breast
With your dim heavy hair,
And trouble with a sigh for all things longing for rest
The odorous twilight there.

William Butler Yeats

Birthday

I almost got myself into depression when mom forgot to wish me happy birthday. As I was having my birthday dinner, at last I got the sms from her wishing me happy birthday. Although it seemed like she was somewhat forgotten about my real age still I was the happiest camper around. LOL.Kojeh sms-ed her birthday wish today. For god sake, it was 5 days ago! Well at least she remembered.

Books

The Five People You Meet in Heaven. What could I say? Live our life to the fullest! One needs to read the book in order to understand why do we meet five people in heaven. If I were the writer, I might as well make it 25 people instead of 5 because I know a lot of people and they are somehow have impacts on my life. The book shall be more than one thousand pages and could also be used as doorstopper and other things deemed suitable.

I am currently reading The Curious Incident of The Dog In The Night-Time. It’s hilarious and intelligent but full of empathy. I just bought ‘Tis (Frank McCourt) and Good Omens (Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett) for my reading while accompanying mom during her operation next week. I suppose I’d have a lot of time to kill and hopefully I could finish these 2 books without any distractions from the cute doctors around the hospital.LOL. Perhaps I’d try to memorize a few paragraph of Neruda’s poem from Ode to common things. Well, I never tried it before maybe I should give it a shot just for the fun of it!

Films

I watched Harry Potter twice! I almost watch it for the 3rd time but I kept spending lots of time in the office and I have totally forgotten about my attempt to watch it for the 3rd time and set myself a new record. It was such a shame that Cedric Diggory had to die or I would have watched the movie for 2 weeks in a row!

Chicken Little was adorable. I do believe that there’d be quite a few people who would stop eating chicken for a couple of days after seeing the movie. KFC might have suffered a bit if their sales happened to drop for a few percents during the Chicken Little screenings around the world. I like all the songs in it but still I hope that the movie would have longer time duration. The idea of having Chicken Little to fall in love with the ugly duckling was quite cute but not convincing enough.LOL.

Ode to George Best

George Best (1946-2005)

Nothing But Death

There are cemeteries that are lonely,

graves full of bones that do not make a sound,
the heart moving through a tunnel,
in it darkness, darkness, darkness,
like a shipwreck we die going into ourselves,
as though we were drowning inside our hearts,
as though we lived falling out of the skin into the soul.

And there are corpses,
feet made of cold and sticky clay,
death is inside the bones,
like a barking where there are no dogs,
coming out from bells somewhere,
from graves somewhere,
growing in the damp air like tears of rain.

Sometimes I see alone
coffins under sail,
embarking with the pale dead,
with women that have dead hair,
with bakers who are as white as angels,
and pensive young girls married to notary publics,
caskets sailing up the vertical river of the dead,
the river of dark purple,
moving upstream with sails filled out by the sound of death,
filled by the sound of death which is silence.

Death arrives among all that sound
like a shoe with no foot in it,
like a suit with no man in it,
comes and knocks, using a ring with no stone in it,
with nofinger in it,comes and shouts with no mouth,
with no tongue, with nothroat.

Nevertheless its steps can be heard
and its clothing makes a hushed sound, like a tree.
I'm not sure, I understand only a little, I can hardly see,
but it seems to me that its singing has the color of damp violets,
of violets that are at home in the earth,
because the face of death is green,
and the look death gives is green,
with the penetrating dampness of a violet leaf
and the somber color of embittered winter.

But death also goes through the world dressed as a broom,
lapping the floor, looking for dead bodies,
death is inside the broom,
the broom is the tongue of death looking for corpses,
it is the needle of death looking for thread.

Death is inside the folding cots:it spends its life sleeping on the slow mattresses,
in the black blankets,
and suddenly breathes out:it blows out a mournful sound that swells the sheets,
and the beds go sailing toward a port
where death is waiting, dressed like an admiral.

Translated by Robert Bly
Pablo Neruda

It's the time of the year!

This is one cute pic,don't you think so?












Self-Knowledge XVII

And a man said, "Speak to us of Self-Knowledge."
And he answered, saying: Your hearts know in silence the secrets of the days and the nights.
But your ears thirst for the sound of your heart's knowledge.
You would know in words that which you have always know in thought.
You would touch with your fingers the naked body of your dreams.
And it is well you should.
The hidden well-spring of your soul must needs rise and run murmuring to the sea;
And the treasure of your infinite depths would be revealed to your eyes.
But let there be no scales to weigh your unknown treasure;
And seek not the depths of your knowledge with staff or sounding line.
For self is a sea boundless and measureless.
Say not, "I have found the truth,"
but rather, "I have found a truth."
Say not, "I have found the path of the soul."
Say rather, "I have met the soul walking upon my path.
" For the soul walks upon all paths.
The soul walks not upon a line, neither does it grow like a reed.
The soul unfolds itself, like a lotus of countless petals.

Khalil Gibran

I must confess that I am no poet. So I believe that this poem by Khalil Gibran sums up really well what I wish for on my birthday.

Thanks to those who went to the mamak with me, those who called and sms-ed me.You guys really made my day.

Shout out to my sayang, Megat who is now in Labuan. You know I miss you ever strongly LOL. Please come back! We all miss you so much!

What’s up?

I’ve been spending the last two weekends in the office. At last everything was done and I had my 12hours sleep yesterday. I hit the sack at 3pm and suddenly woke up at 8pm. I rushed to take a shower since I thought that I was late to work. I went straight to bed after realizing that I could have another 10 hours sleep and ended up waking up late this morning. Well at least I got the energy to wake up and go to work. Blurgh!

Faye came over to spend her weekend with me. Unfortunately I had to be in the office during the weekends and we ended up spending just a few hours of quality time together. Sorry sister! Bad timing I should say! Still, we managed to watch the red shoes together whereby I fell asleep during the most horrific part of the movie. I beg you guys not to waste your time to watch this movie unless you have amnesia and haven’t sleep for a few months. In that case I shall recommend you to watch the first cd and I put my life on it that you will be in the dreamland in no time!

Today, I was a bit flattered upon knowing that there are a few gossips which merely about my rivalry with the ever so boring women form the other wing. Don’t blame me please we Sagittarians are always being on the limelight, darling. Me being me, I just pretend as if I don’t know anything but only god knows how bored I am with all these silly things. Darn! If I could ever pretend that I love to kiss their ass then maybe these things won’t be happening. Possibly, I should come out with some gossips on my own and start to spread it to the kaypochi’s of the office and have a good laugh over this. LOL.

What?

I read the newspaper about the sexual orientation amongst Malaysians. It is a very well-known fact that most of the students in the boarding schools as well as the universities students have been having problems on this matter since ages.

It is sad to learn that the government would still want to find the scapegoat to be blamed rather than finding a way to at least curb this from happening. What I remembered from my days in the boarding school, I had no time to socialize let alone finding the time to do all the hanky-panky thingy in the restrooms.LOL.

Boredstiff

If I weep

If I weep, if I come with excuses, my beloved puts cotton wool in his ears.
Every cruelty which he commits becomes him, every cruelty which he commits I endure.
If he accounts me nonexistent, I account his tyranny generosity.
The cure of the ache of my heart is the ache for him; how shall I not surrender my heart to his ache?
Only then are glory and respect mine, when his glorious love renders me contemptible.
Only then does the vine of my body become wine, when the wine-presser stamps on me and spurns me underfoot.
I yield my soul like grapes under the trampling, that my secret heart may make merry,
Though the grapes weep only blood, for I am vexed with this cruelty and tyranny.
He who pounds upon me puts cotton wool in his ears saying, “I do not press unwittingly.
If you disbelieve, you are excusable, but I am the Abu’l Hikam [the expert] in this affair.
When you burst under the labor of my feet, then you will render much thanks to me.”

Mewlana Jalaluddin Rumi

Life in brief

This should be really brief

1st Anniversary

It’s been a year now. It feels like only yesterday. The whole family could get through it very well now especially mom. I suppose the other family members would have gone to the cemetery to pay their respect to dad. I know it’s a little bit mental but I don’t go to the cemetery. Why? I think maybe because I don’t like the smell of the earth especially after it rains.


Happy Birthday to myself!

I have lost the excitement to celebrate my birthday next week. I usually feel exhilarated a few weeks before and when it is approaching I would slowly loose the excitement and totally forgot about it. The greatest gift that I could have is to have another chance in life.

Despair is a sin

The prophet’s said, “ Despair is a sin:
The grace and benefits of the creator are infinite
You should never despair of such a benefactor;
Hold on with all your strength to the stirrups of God.”
Many miseries are hard to endure at the beginning
But then they are relieved, and their anguish vanishes.
After despair, many hopes flourish, just another darkness
Thousands of suns open and start to shine.
Our duty is to resign ourselves and do what God wills.

What's love

Only Love Can Explain Love
Jalalludin Rumi

Being a lover shows itself in pain of heart;
No evil is comparable to this pain in the heart.
The suffering of lovers is different from all others;
Love is the astrolabe of the mysteries of God.
Whether love comes from earth or from heaven,
In the end it draws us to the Beloved:
Whatever I say to explain or describe Love
When I arrive at Love itself, I'm ashamed of my words.
The commentary of words can make things clear-
But Love without words has more clarity.
My pen was rushing to write its thought down;
When it came to Love, it broke in two.
In speaking of Love, the intellect is impotent,
Like a donkey trapped in a bog;
Only Love itself can explain Love,
Only Love can explain the destiny of lovers.
The roof of the sun is the sun itself:
If you want proof, don't turn your face away.

Mathnawi

Pupus - Dewa

Aku tak mengerti

apa yang kurasa

rindu yang tak pernah

begitu hebatnya
aku mencintaimu

lebih dari yang kau tahu

meski kau takkan pernah tahu
aku persembahkan

hidupku untukmu

telah ku relakan

hatiku padamu
namun kau masih bisu

diam seribu bahasa

dan hati kecilku bicara
baru kusadari

cintaku bertepuk sebelah tangan

kau buat remuk sluruh hatiku
semoga aku akan memahami

sisi hatimu yang beku

semoga akan datang keajaiban

hingga akhirnya kau pun mau

heart sink

It’s been a while since I last updated my blog. My mind kept trying to absorb the idea of me being a disgrace to the Malay race. At first I jumped into the conclusion that those who came out with the statement should either be a racist or have a very limited Malay friends. I didn’t want to enervate my brain so I decided to let the idea out of my mind. I believe that I should use my brain thinking about myself.

Wear my heart on my sleeve

Have you ever need to live with the feeling of yearning for something that would never possibly be yours and that something is right in front of you like forever? Well, I do. If I were in a good mood then I’d think that something would happen in the fullness of time. If not, I’d think that I was such a born loser. I have been having this tormenting feeling for as long as I could remember. It hurts so badly and I could never find a word to describe the pain that I have to endure.

Lately, the pain is somewhere between the pits and the ghastly. If I were to be given an option to end the pain, I’d be gladly to accept it though I’d miss the feeling of longing for the impossible. Alas, it makes me feel more helpless and yet I still believe that hope springs eternal.

Today I spoke to a few persons who have stopped hoping to find their soul mate. Even as I was having the conversation with them, my mind kept thinking about myself. Would I be like them someday or perhaps soon? Hope is like a food to my soul and I can’t survive a single minute without it. What does it feels like not having to long to see a person that you adore? Would it be 100 times better not having to suffer the throbbing pain every time you apart? Would your heart stop to elevate upon knowing that you have no one to crave for? Would your heart stop aching if you see him with someone else?

I consider myself as a skeptical in certain areas, which really annoys a few people who have been struggling to convince myself that there would still be something to look forward too. I believe that my highest gratitude goes to those who never give up on me.

Through Love

Through love bitter things seem sweet.
Through love scraps of copper are turned to gold
Through love dregs taste like clear wine.
Through love agonies are healing balms.
Through love thorns become roses.
Through love vinegar becomes rich wine.
Through love the scaffold becomes a throne.
Through love disaster becomes good fortune.
Through love a prison becomes a rose garden.
Through love burning fire is a fragrant light.
Through love the devil becomes an angel.
Through love stones become soft as butter.
Through love grief is like delight.
Through love demons become servants of God.
Through love stings are like honey.
Through love lions are harmless as mice.
Through love sickness is health.
Through love the dead are resurrected.
Through love the emperor becomes a slave

Jalalludin Rumi - Odes

Leave the Vulture Behind

Discursive Reason’s a vulture, my poor friend:
Its wings beat above a decaying corpse.
The Saint’s Reason is like the wings of Gabriel:
It soars in splendor, from stage to stage,
To rest in the shade of the Tree of Heaven.
It says, “I’m a royal hawk, I’m glorious and abundant,
I’ve nothing to do with a corpse; I’m not a vulture-
Leave the vulture behind and let me be your guide.
Just one of my wings will be of more help to you
Than a hundred thousand vulture in full flight.”

Jalalludin Rumi – Mathnawi

P/s: have been tagged by V http://clouded-moon.blogspot.com/ ..Let's keep V waiting for this one LOL

Disgrace

forgive me my fellow malays for i have dishonored our malay..corteous malay

will write more later..bz like hell..

pic bukak poser

penjual mercun katak kampung melayu,ampang

pengedar SKYM bagi kawasan Penang,Kl,Selangor serta pemandu teksi tak bermeter

peserta peraduan mewarna anti dadah peringkat daerah kuala langat

minuman yang di taja oleh JLO

nazrul dengan gaya inzal noda limfa

The saga continues

When I said that it was going to be a strange day, it did eventually turned from strange to horrific. What was the outcome? I had put my job in line, simply because I lost my temper. One thing about me is that when I get angry it means that I really am angry. I suppose that’s the problem when one can hardly get angry. So when I get angry it’d be awful.

I got so pissed off that I had showed the finger to a person without ever realizing that the witch saw me doing it. As a result, I had been warned that the witch would only need to tell the VP about my behavior to send me out the door. By learning this fact, I have lost the excitement to do my work let alone to drag myself ou of bed.

What makes me feel more aggravated is that the witch is so untouchable that we all need to succumb to all the hardships that we have to endure every time we need to get the VP’s approvals and other things that she handles too. I believe that it’s so pathetic that we can’t find any solutions to all the problems that arise each time we get into trouble with the witch. I was advised to be low profile and not to show my protest towards her openly. Man, after all the insults and difficulties that I went through the least that I want to do is to keep my mouth shut.

I desperately trying not to complain or causing any trouble at all. Alas, the things that I want to hinder the most had happened. I came back late from work yesterday since I had to arrange the traveling for a couple of guys. I could have settled the arrangements in less than 4 hours if it was not for the witch and her boss who had made things difficult. Just thinking about the time and energy wasted on these all made me feel like throwing up.

To stir things up, the witch had also labeled me as very bad Malay for showing her the finger. Racist? Indeed. In the al-quran it is said that races were created so that we could learn from each other. There are no races better than the other; basically we all are much the same regardless of your skin colors or languages. I must confess that in my mind I try not to judge people based on their race but rather on their individualities. So what do I felt when I found out about the label that she put on me? I felt pity to her children because they have a mother who is so racist and evil at the same time. If I were to be her child, I might have slit my throat and let my blood flows on her new carpet. LOL.

I slept the whole day and night, because of the emotional drained. Pray that it’d be sunnier on Monday.

Coldplay - Trouble

O no,

I see,I

spun a web,

it's tangled up with me,

And I lost my head,

The thought of all the stupid things I said,

O no what's this?A spider web,

and I'm caught in the middle,I

turned to run,

The thought of all the stupid things I've done,

I never meant to cause you trouble,

And I never meant to do you wrong,

And I, well if I ever caused you trouble,

O no, I never meant to do you harm.

O no I see,A

spider web and it's me in the middle,S

o I twist and turn,

Here I am in love in a bubble,

Singing, I never meant to cause you trouble,

I never meant to do you wrong,

And I, well if I ever caused you trouble,

Although I never meant to do you harm.

They spun a web for me,

They spun a web for me,

They spun a web for me.

It's all about Ricky Martin!

I had 8 hours of sleep last night. I had very strange dreams, which really was terrifying. My day started strangely this morning and I guess it’s going to be a very strange day indeed.

The good news is Ricky Martin is out with his new album. What’s so good about it? Well, I’m sick and tired to listen to his old songs that have been on air like forever. With a bit of luck, I hope this album will have catchier tunes and brainy lyrics. To be honest, I don’t really care about Ricky Martin. I just want to write something about him since his video clip is on MTV as I updating the blog. LOL.

A horrific incident happened to me yesterday. It all started with me asking for my documents that needed to be approved from one of the directors, which I shall, named as MJ. Well, the incident actually happened between his assistant, the Witch and I.

I went to ask about the status of my documents from the Witch for the 3rd times in 6 hours. Three is not a lucky number for me. On the third time that I went to see her, I knew that she’d be really pissed off to see me.

Kekure : Have MJ signed up the documents yet?

Witch : Can’t you see that his door is closed?He’s having a meeting and he refused to sign? How many times do I have to tell you? (Yelling her lungs out)

You know this type of person who has worked at one place for a very long time and they feel like they have all the rights and powers to do as they wish? The witch is definitely one of them. When she was yelling at me, I suddenly felt pity for her. Deep down inside she must have been a recluse. I suppose, she should find the right person to show her what it feels like to be having fun. The only funs that she might have are either while gossiping or bullying others.

I think don’t really care to get back to her soon. But eventually I will. Muahahhahahahahahahahhahahahhaha!

edited at 15:32

@#$%^&*()_

Too pissed off to be working today

untitled

Silence Is Easy

Everybody says that their looking for a shelter,
got a lot to give but I don't know how to help her,
I should just let it go till they learn how to grow,
and how to liberate.

Everybody says that she's looking for a shelter,
got a lot to give but I don't know how I felt her,
they should just let it go till these cities learn to grow,
and how to liberate.

Silence is easy,
it just becomes me,
you don't even know me,
all lie about me.

Everybody says that I'm looking for a home now,
looking for a boy or I'm looking for a girl now,
I can still let it go,
I can still learn to grow,
into a child again.

Silence is easy,
it just becomes me,
you don't even know me,
why lie about me.

Silence is easy,
it just becomes me,
you don't even know me,
why do you hate me.

**WRITER'S BLOCK..will write more later**

edited at 12.30pm
Today is definitely the day where I should be idle

Goal!

Great soundtrack!luv them!

You get to see Becks for 20secs, Zizou and Raul for 25 secs and Alan Shearer for 2 minutes. Is it worth it?For me Yes!Coz i got to see the Reds lost to the Magpies.Luckily United was not the one being trashed in the movie.It was the Reds,which IMHO suited them just fine!LOL

Khayalan Tingkat Tinggi

Sing along with me!

Had a hell of a weekend.

Family

It was great to be home, as always. But when we broke the fast, everybody suddenly went into the still mode. Tuk Wan tried hard to hold back his tears while everybody ate silently. It was terrible just to think of it. Last year, while we had our meal, abah would be sitting on his lazy chair, holding Aliff Najmi while chit chatting with us while we had our meals. This year, Tuk Wan replaced him and staring at the empty space.

Kak Chik said to me, it’s such a pity that Aliff and Gebob’s unborn child have not the chance to know abah. She was sad as she felt that she only had a brief moment with abah. I asked my fave someone the other day about his loss. My fave someone said he wouldn’t change anything if he had been given the chance to do so. I for once had to agree with him.

Friends

Met a long lost friend and we tried to make up for all those times that we have lost. The best part would be the karaoke session. Thanks to the Japanese who had invented the karaoke machine! I don’t know why, but I always go for a karaoke during the fasting month. What’s with Ramadan and the karaoke? LOL

My fave someone who always anticipates with the idea of spending quality time at the karaoke sang his songs with gusto. It’s always remarkable to see him in that mode since he is usually pokerfaced. The transformation of his mode is always stimulating. The best bit was when Oat had chosen the wrong song and neither of us had any ideas on how to sing the song. As always, we made out our own tunes. Looking at the way we karaoke that night, we could have been chosen as the customers from hell.

Life

It’s odd how people come and go in my life while it could be exhilarating at times just to think of it.

Work

Hectic, but fun. Late for work as usual. Today, I was rushing to work and burnt my scarf while ironing. It was the second scarf in less than a week. Such a tragic! Sigh! I need to buy myself two alarm clocks, I suppose. Anybody wants to buy them for me? LOL


What are you reading?

Highly recommended especially to those who don’t like this type of book like me. Will review more when I’m done, which could means in another 3 months. LOL.