I need a smart drug

This is another entry about my complaint on life. If you happen to be following negative free life then please stop reading my blog. I definitely wouldn’t want to be held responsible if you have such symptoms like nosebleed, hemorrhage and hallucination. Please read at your own risk.

I had a very dreadful week last week, the worst so far I might say. I had been thought to be showing someone in a bad light though it was without a doubt not my intention whatsoever. I had to endure a cold war, which I undoubtedly loathe. I didn’t sleep well for a few nights and I added a few spoonful of salt to the disaster by rubbing someone in a very wrong way. It was definitely the Great War between both of us. Just imagine what I had to go through! If I were to be given an alternative between living with these two wars in my head and cleaning up Zoo Negara for a week, I would have opted for the second choice without any hesitation though I might want to quit if I happen to be instructed to clean up the lion’s cage.

It has been a week since I slowly recovering from the cold war but I am still helpless in the Great War though I have tried mostly everything to clear the air. I thought that I might put up a public apology in all the mainstream newspaper but I certainly can’t afford to do so. Besides, I am not sure whether the person reads newspaper daily and it’d be a waste if the person never comes across it. One thing for sure, I’d definitely lose my sleep until I finally get to put an end to the war that I never thought might occur after all those things that happened to me earlier that week. Come to think of it, I might as well eligible to become a drama queen after all the things that happened to me.

But every cloud has a silver lining. Eventually.

Book

I have vowed before not to step into Kinokuniya or Borders until I finish all the books that have been stacked for almost forever. But after all the terrible things that happened last week I had to calm myself down by having some retail therapy session with my girlfriends. Thus, I ended up buying second hand books, which always is a value for your money and a few others from Kinokuniya. Sigh

One of the books that I bought is Generation A Collection of Contemporary Malaysian Ideas by Amir Muhammad, Kam Raslan and Sheryll Stothard. The book is strikingly orange which I suppose was a very good choice since it was the color that made me wanted to pick it up. It sort of walking down the memory lane when you read this book since the essays were written based on the current events and observations done in 1994 – 1997. If you happened to be born during the 60’s and 70’s you could make up for your lack of knowledge on the current issues at that particular time where you were sort of dealing with your raging hormones and could never care more for the world except when New Kid’s On The Block decided to disband or when everybody have seen Trainspotting but you. Please read it and support local publications.

Family

I had no idea that I missed my mum’s birthday, by 3 days. My nephews and niece told her that I’d be coming back to celebrate the special occasion which had resulted her doing all the preparation to cook my favorite dish. So to not disappoint her though I felt like wanting to strangle my nephews and niece for making up such story, I rushed to get the bus ticket, was soaking wet in a very heavy rain on my way back to the office and was late to Puduraya that night. And I thought the bad thing would stop coming afterwards. I had been chased by a dog while walking in a pitch-dark lane on my way home while my mum taking her own sweet time to open up the gate. This is what happened when you trust your mum so much even when she said that you have the best art project in school when you know that she had been lying through her teeth. She told me that the dog had been shot by the Enforcement Officer after all the complaints that had been lodged against the owner. The very next morning she told me that she forgot that they were only able to shoot its offsprings but not the mother. Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

We had a small party, a very delicious chocolate cake written with happy birthday dear mum that brought some tears to her eyes and lots of satay. Yummy! Kojeh felt terrible since this was the first time that she ever forgot mum’s birthday and she decided to buy lots of satay to make up for this. A smart move I reckon. No pressure on me because I always got confused between 14 March and 14 April and mum knows about it long before.

Mum decided to have another operation on her eye. She asked me whether I would be willing to take care of her. I told her that I totally agree to do so but with a few conditions: she shall let me wander around town and I could always go to the washroom without having to inform her first. She was ok with it, without any hesitations. Darn! I should have asked for a home theatre!



Beggarly Heart

When the heart is hard and parched up,

come upon me with a shower of mercy.

When grace is lost from life,

come with a burst of song.

When tumultuous work raises its din on all sides shutting me out from

beyond, come to me, my lord of silence, with thy peace and rest.

When my beggarly heart sits crouched, shut up in a corner,

break open the door, my king, and come with the ceremony of a king.

When desire blinds the mind with delusion and dust, O thou holy one,

thou wakeful, come with thy light and thy thunder

Rabindranath Tagore

Let's work like a Trojan!

The devil finds work for idle hands

So we had the most anticipated team meeting last week, well at least for me and a few other people who thought that they could have sometime off from work by attending the meeting. It merely was to clarify about the scope of every team and the organization chart. It was supposed to give the team a better picture of what everybody else does and why they do it etc. As for me, I have more team to administer and it would means that I might need to strain every nerve to get my job done in time. Just imagine me as one the Orcs (a cleaner and prettier version, mind you) who does all Saruman’s dirty job but at the end of the day he’s still a grumpy old man who has a mid-life crisis and decides to put some grey highlight on his hair.

One thing about meeting is that it’d never start or finish on time. I happened to have one of the days where I had to be as busy as a bee. I was late for the meeting and had to stand with the rest of the gang. I happened to be standing next to this person who has a very special ability which all of us need to instill, sleeping while standing. He managed to fall asleep while standing without anybody realizing it when I suddenly felt that water had been dropping onto my shoe. I turned to my side and realized that his eyes were closed and water from his mug had been dropping out. I woke him up in a flash and he blurted out that he thought the mug was empty. Way to go man!

The thing is by giving me more team to administer it is suppose to lighten the burden that the other witch have to endure before. But even before the meeting ended, the witch had already made a point to me that she’d want me to assist her in administering her team which only consists of 10 people compared to mine which would be more than 30 people. I suppose if she insists on me to do so to the VP then the devil will definitely finds work for idle hands.


What a nuisance

I keep hearing these phrases for the past 2 weeks. We have plans for you; at the moment you’ll be responsible to fulfill the team’s needs. You don’t have to worry about your position and just continue whatever things you have been doing before.

Well, I don’t really worry whether I’d be a permanent staff for the time being since I know where I stand in this particular situation. But I just can’t understand what plan is there for me since nobody wants to elaborate on it. You know, it gives the same effect on your self esteem like when your mom says that you look just fine when you are having the bad hair day and based on the high level of trust on her, you go to school and try to act normal while everybody stares and try to convince themselves that you are not a zombie from The Land of the Dead and you hair just look like that because you are run out of hair mousse.

Book

A million thanks to Glenn for sending in the book through Habri“ Soe Hok Gie – Catatan Seorang Demonstran (Notes of a Demonstrator)”. This book has been the inspiration of the film Gie by Miles Films, which is now available on DVD in Indonesia. In spite of the fact that there’s a picture of Nicolas Saputra at the front cover (which I believe would make lots of girls want to have the book), there’s also a very meaningful line at the back of the book, “lebih baik diasingkan daripada menyerah pada kemunafikan (loosely translated as it’s better to be isolated than to conform to stupidity” which shows how sharp was his thinking. This book really is recommended to those who like me, still need to understand what patriotism means and trying to inspire their own self. Please be reminded that the book and the DVD are only available in Indonesia.


Peter Pan - tak bisakah

hatiku bimbang namun tetap pikirkanmu

selalu slalu dalam hatikuku melangkah sejauh apapun itu

selalu kau di dalam hatiku
kuberjalan berjalan memutar waktu

berharap temukan sisa hatimu

mengertilah kuingin engkau begitu

mengerti kau di dalam hatiku
tak bisakah kau menungguku

hingga nanti tetap menunggu

tak bisakah kau menuntunku

menemani dalam hidupku
tak ada kau mencari hidupku

kemana kau tau isi hatiku

kutunggu sejenak aku disitu

jalanku jalan menemukanmu

On Human

Moving On

We human really are complex and because we are so complex we started to build up lots of shopping complexes just to show how complex we are. The best example of a very complex shopping complex is Berjaya Times Square. It's too big and not enough directories!Oh back to the issue on human.We have lots of feelings, lots of wanting and needs, etc. Some of us make decision based on logics and calculations that might have been presented in spreadsheets while a few of us just follow their gut feeling. At some phase of our life something bizarre might happened and we just can’t make any decisions and at this point we are stuck in between and afraid to move on.

I found out about a few people that I know of are afraid to move on after they failed in their love life and still hoping that they might been given the chance to have back their love and things will be normal or even better for themselves. One of these persons that I know of is the type of person that keeps things to himself. Don’t ask me how I know about him wanting to get back to his ex-girlfriend because I just know it. It really is sad to learn that he refuses to move on and denies other people’s chances to be a part of his new chapter in life. I just don’t understand why but perhaps things might be even better if he just leave the excess baggage and move on. IMHO, those that lost their family members but refuse to move on is slightly better than this type of people since their lost is irreplaceable.

Moral Values

I had an interesting conversation on value the other day. This particular person is so afraid that demonstration on the Danish cartoon would be held again at the building that I work in that she had a terrible dream about it the night before. Although she is a local but it seems like she has a shallow knowledge about how demonstration works in Malaysia. She thought that every demonstration would end up with people throwing objects towards the police and riots would begin. Typical thought I would say.

She mentioned to me that somebody from the office saw me with a group of bystander during the demonstration by the opposition political party a few weeks ago in front of my office building. I told her that I had been asked to join in but I believe it really is against my values. I never believe in anything about demonstration, not only about the purpose but also things that happens during the demonstration itself. I explained to this person that if Prophet Muhammad were still alive, he wouldn’t even care to have any demonstrations to show his protest against the cartoon. He would fight to instill the right Islamic values and only then we could become a strong community that could become all these obstacles.

Upon hearing this, she said to me that looking at the way I am and the finger showing incident to one of the witches before she is glad to know that it seems like I have an acceptable moral values and should be in the right track in life.

Again, this goes to prove the point that looks could be deceiving to some people and still the statement didn’t make any impact on my life.


Comments!

So I decided to write something about the comments left by the kind readers who left their messages on my comment box. Alas, I was not successful in getting any phone numbers from the single guys out there. Sob!Sob!

Bob, the network design guy from my office left this message :
Im so disappointed that im not in your blogroll....OUINNNNNNN

Congratulations Bob because you are the first colleague to leave your message on my blog. As a token of appreciation I have included your blog in my blogroll together with David, Nico and Francois.Yipppeeeee!

Oreo from http://excitingobservations.blogspot.com/
waa... that must have come after a period of self reflection

True indeed, I had spent the last two months of self-reflection in front of the mirror and I realized that I started to have crow's feet since I love to laugh a lot. So starting from today I shall minimize my laugh in order to stop the wrinkles from building up rapidly. If it starts to become worst then I shall l stop laughing altogether and will just show the placard that written Ha!Ha!Ha! It’s damn funny man!

Jules from http://x-eyedvision.blogspot.com/
my penjual vcd haram asked me "u sure you don't want a plastic bag?" after buying brokeback. why ah?

Jules, it’s so typical of Malaysian to just accept the plastic bag given after buying anything, let it from the penjual VCD haram or the fishmonger though we have about 10 plastic bags in hand with one of them might only have one cd in it. Perhaps, he was just perplexed to learn that you have refused to accept the plastic bag not like others. Way to go Jules! Save Mother Nature! Plastic bag not cool! or maybe he wanted to make sure that you wouldn’t want people to know that you bought cerita main belakang from him? Sort of keeping your reputation untarnished I suppose?

Where’s my food?

I had to manage a team who had their training in my office for 3 days in a row. I had to make sure that everybody happy which was not a very pleasant task. On the very last day of the training, I had ordered food enough for everyone and distributed the food accordingly. There were 2 participants who had to go out to settle something and I kept their food inside the fridge while waiting for them to come back. I happened to leave the pantry to make a phone call for 5 minutes and when I went back I found the 2 participants were perplexed right in front of the pantry entrance. I found out that their food went missing. Somebody then asked me whether I wrote down my name on the food wrapper and I bluntly replied no. So the answer given to me was: well, no wonder you lost your food since there was no name written on it! I knew it was my fault for not writing my name on it. But logically, with name or no name it’s not yours. Why would you want to take it in the first place?

LRT

It has been months since I last traveled by LRT on Sunday morning. Nothing much changed, I suppose after seeing an older man had to raise his voice to another young man to give up his seat on the LRT for an older woman. I believe that most of us would have seen the same scenario before. What have we become? Do we, Malaysians, have lost our courtesy and compassion towards others? The worst scenario that I have seen so far was a woman who had to hold her young baby with one arm while the other one was clinging to the pole during the morning peak hours. Nobody offered her a seat. Just imagine if you yourself had to endure the same scenario? Some of you might have lost the temper and screamed as loud as you can to get the seat. Well, I know I would. Do we need to have a moral police in the LRT who will make sure that the seats are given to those most in need?

Books

To all the bookworms out there, don’t forget to mark your calendar for the Kuala Lumpur International Book Fair, which is going to be held in Putra World Trade Centre (PWTC) on 24 March to 2 April 2006. Take a step forward to instill the reading habits and hopefully we won’t be in the lazy reader list any more.

I finally had the time to wrap all my books with the plastic wrap yesterday. It is one the habit that stays strong in me. The habit started with my mum who would always wrapped my books when I was young and when I became the school librarian the habit was already instilled in me. Officially I now have 11 books that I haven’t read! Wish I could take a month of just to finish these books!

It Itself Becomes Sign

The one to whom's unveiled the mystery of love

Exists no longer, but is annihilated in love.

Place before the sun a burning candle,

See how it's shining disappears before those lights:

The candle exists no longer, is transfigured into Light.

There are no more signs of it; it itself becomes a Sign.

Rumi - Odes

wazup kekure?

Tired and yawning every 20 seconds, but still I determine to update my blog.LOL.

I have heard enough lately. From compliments, statements, complaints, orders and not forgetting my routine: lending my shoulder for someone to cry on. I have started to think that I would soon be bananas if it continues to be like this for another week!

I was assigned to organize a farewell lunch party for a staff who is leaving the country soon. The best part was: I had been notified after lunch hour on Friday, which means that I had only about 4 hours to get a caterer and at the same time to collect some money to buy the gifts. The thought of having to shop on someone else’s expense was really alluring and I was motivated to accept the assignment with an open heart when things started to go wrong. First, nobody was willing to cater for us since it was such a short notice and besides I didn’t have a lot of budget to land myself the best caterer in town. Then a caterer was so certain that they could cater my party when suddenly they realized that the office is located at one of the busiest road in town! Finally, at 5.57pm I managed to get myself a caterer and finalized the menu in 10minutes. Yeay!

I had such a great time though actually I didn’t enjoy most of the minutes looking for the appropriate gift. I asked the person, what does he wants for the gifts and he said I don’t know. I was relieved to know that there is someone else out there that also doesn’t know what he wants. He asked me to ask from his friends, in case they have any ideas what he wants. It was such a dreadful decision since no one knows what he wants. Apart from that I was a bit stressful since I had to sort of prove to the other secretaries and administrators that I have a good eye. But after two shopping malls, the nastiest shopping trip began to be an acquired taste.

At last, I begged a very beautiful piece of keris as my first gift at Royal Selangor in KLCC. I didn’t know what to write on the plaque and ended up opting for Selamat Maju Jaya. Yes, I know it’s a bit like primary school motto during the graduation day but what the heck. At least I despised the idea of writing something really cheesy like we’ll miss you though none of us would really mean it. Bluwek! For the second gift, I decided to get him something more personal, which was the cufflinks. Well, I never had any experience in buying the cufflinks let alone knowing which one is easier to use whether the square or the oval. As a damsel in distress, I called up my ever-helpful cubicle neighbour, David to ask for his opinion. Merci to Monsieur David and a few great gals who were willing to wait on me while choosing the cufflinks. I finally managed to make up my mind after having to choose 1 out of 25 design. I had to spend 1 hour just to narrow down my choices from 25 to 1. Who said that shopping must be fun? It was fun for me having the satisfaction to shop with someone else’s money, but the terrible part would be to think whether the person would love the gift that you choose for them.

And came the big day! I almost stabbed the staff with a fork when he asked me whether the food would be enough as he was so confident that lots of people would turned up for the party. The truth was lots of people had to decline the invitation as they had some tenders and meetings going on at that time. Luckily, we had more than enough food and the other secretaries and administrators loved the gifts. Compliments were flooding in and yes I was blushing when a small number of people said that the party was very well organized. Hehehehe. But then I owe Nico an apology for I thought that he likes Air Bandung, which I had mistaken with Air Sirap. Yes, I know it really is odd to mix up between this two. What to do, for some reason lately I had slowly become a retard. Hehehehe. Perhaps, I should spend more time in the mamak’s kitchen so I’d be able to identify all the drinks.

For the past one week I had been thinking about what I want and I decided that it should be in several categories. So, these are what I want in:

Life

So far, I don’t really see what myself would be in another 2 years. Perhaps I would just go with the flow though my favourite companion has already planned everything, literally, for his life. What I really want is just a simple kind of life, maybe similar to what I’m having now but with the capabilities to shop without having to dig deep into my pocket. And yes, definitely more shoes, books and DVD.

Work

I definitely want a higher pay but with lesser responsibility! Better still if I could have the pay without ever having to come to work. Not forget to mention, my own room so I could just keep the door close if I don’t want to speak to anybody or too busy to have a chat, new chair with a brighter colour, new laptop with DVD burner so I could burn lots of DVD for my personal collection as well as supplying them to my friends, more food in the pantry together with a plasma TV in the conference room so we could watch the soccer match in case we have to work extra hours during the World Cup. I surely want to have a flexible working hours and no dress code. Well, don’t criticize me for being lazy to iron the shirt everyday, at least I make some effort to iron my shirt while trying hard not to burn my shirt while ironing!

Man

I sort of have a cockamamie idea about what type of man that I’d like to date. So after a few days thinking I finally identified the type. He must be willing to accept the fact that I am a weirdo. Well at least be grateful that I’m not a real bimbo whatsoever and should be able to read and reply my SMS no matter how silly it is. One of the great examples is: look at the moon! It really is beautiful. Can you see the witch flying with the broom? I just saw one who looked like a gremlin with lots of blings!.

If he could recite a few lines from Neruda or Rumi than it’d be a bonus point for him! Must love Tom Holt and Spongebob Squarepants! If he could sing Spongebob’s theme song then he definitely have better chances to be in the lead. One more plus point, should at least know how to cook a few main course and desserts. Better still if he could prepare rendang daging just like my mum’s and bread pudding. So, anybody with these criteria please leave your name and phone no at the comment box!

Friend

Just love me! That’s all I want from you. And please, don’t forget my birthday.

Movies

I have seen 4 movies in the past two weeks. The movies were Pink Panther, 9 Naga, Big Momma’s house and heirloom. It really was hilarious to see Jean Reno doing the slapsticks with Steven Martin in this movie. Beyonce looked stunning in her glamorous outfit, as usual. A definite no no for those who loathe slapsticks since the movie is definitely full of it.

What could I say about 9 naga? It had a really good storytelling which most Malaysian’s filmmakers seems to not have. Though it was quite slow and a bit philosophical, still I felt that it was worth every penny. Big Momma’s house 2 is definitely for those who scorn at Jean Reno for doing slapsticks in Pink Panther. Regardless of the fact that I was 15 minutes late for the movie, I know I could never like the movie no matter what since it was so predictable. For those who almost fainted after seeing heirloom’s trailer on TV, here’s some good news for you. The movie was not as scary as it seems to be. So please, feel free to watch it without having to hide beneath the jacket or closing your eyes for most of the movie.

Music

I must confess that I love all the songs in Puteri Gunung Ledang’s the musical. Based on that, my friend and I went to Istana Budaya to buy the CD’s as well as the poster, which is now hung in my cubicle that works as my stress reliever. Hahahaha. I suppose lots of girls will play the songs from the album before they go to sleep every night since Stephen- Rahman Hughes voice is definitely the music to your ear. My personal favourite would be Tinta Dewa since IMHO it has a very good music arrangement and the catchy tunes would definitely makes the music etch in your mind for a while.


Books

Lots of unread books in stock. No more trips to Kino and Borders!

My baby you - Marc Anthony

as i look into your eyes

i see all the reasons why my life's worth a thousand skies
you're the simplest love i've known
and the purest one i'll own know you'll never be alone
my baby you
are the reason i could fly
and 'cause of you i don't have to wonder
why baby you
there's no more just getting by
you're the reason i feel so alive
though these words i say are true
they still fail to capture you
as mere words can only do
how do i explain that smile
and how it turns my world around
keeping my feet on the ground
i will soothe you if you fall
i'll be right there if you call
you're my greatest love of all
arianna i feel so alive

Story untold

Work

What does work really means?

Noun
a) an activity, such as a job, which a person uses physical or mental effort or do, usually for money
b) the material used by someone at work, or what they produce:

Verb
to do a job, especially the job you do to earn money, or to make someone do a job

For the past few weeks, I have been arriving early at the office. Well, it was not only because I wanted to avoid any unwanted remarks about how late I arrive at the office but also because I want to be mentally ready. The first 10 minutes alone mean so much to me as the office politic is getting really horrendous and at times I just can’t bear them.

There are some unwritten rules that I just found out the other day.

Thou shalt not show anger

I had been advised not to display my anger because it could dampen the morale of the team. But the funny thing is we can always let people know how tired we are after spending our night in the clubs or if we got up late on that particular day. I keep wondering what this person was trying to suggest. Was she trying to suggest that we could only display the tired face from 9am – 6pm? It would be even more stressful since you’d look like a walking zombie and totally hazardous for other’s mental health.

Thou shalt act like a bimbo

I have to put up lots of act in a day. Occasionally, I’d have a very busy day and I have to act like a bimbo from 9am – 6pm and I’d end up feeling real tired and would hit the sack as soon as I reach home. Last Friday, I had to join the other administrators and secretaries for the yearly room inspection at one of the service apartment in Jalan Ampang. I had to pretend that I loved to be around them and had to put up with some of them who asked some ridiculous questions about the services available though the answers are already written down in the pamphlets. I should have been given the award for the best actress for the act that I had put up there and a datukship for being able to spend my precious 2 hours with the devils without ever feeling nauseous.

Thou shalt not speak to the boss

I came to know that I actually have no supervisor and have to report directly
to the VP and the Directors but it seems like I have to report to some unofficial supervisors that let me do all the shitty works. What makes me feel so mad is that I can’t even ask a simple question from my director directly but to have to go through my so-called supervisor. Every issue should be raised up to the ‘supervisor’ and the person will then relay them to the Directors and I’d have to wait sometimes for a few hours to get my answer. It really is frustrating at times since I have to let my time go wasted to get a simple answer and have to succumb to the idea that I don’t have any rights to speak my piece of mind.

Thou shalt pretend not knowing each other at the hallway

This unwritten rule is so hilarious. Whenever you see your officemate even though the one that sitting next to you happen to stumble into you in the hallway, you both would treat each other like strangers and never make any eye contact. It’d be even better if you could see the person coming from the other end 500m before you guys bump into each other so that you could take a detour or perhaps stop at any cubicles and pretend to have a serious conversation.

What I am trying to say is that most of the times I really love the environment and the company but usually the people around will fuck me up and take the best of me.

Theatre - Puteri Gunung Ledang The Musical

I had girl’s night out on Valentine’s Day. At first I thought that we wouldn’t make it on time since the road was totally jam and there were lots of small accidents along the way. The supposedly 15 minutes journey had been a 30 minutes instead. My girlfriends who got there earlier were so anxious since she was afraid that we couldn’t get there on time. Alas, love works magic on that day and we got there just in the nick of time.

A few people asked me why would I want to waste my money to watch the musical. Was I smitten by Stephen Rahman-Hughes good look or perhaps I just didn’t have anything else to do. I suppose his good looks might have contributed a small percentage to my decision making process but it was mainly to give my support to the local theatre. To those who thought that he couldn’t speak Malay, well you are totally wrong. By the way, he has such a beautiful voice that makes you want to take him home to sing you a lullaby every night.

I have never been to any musical theatre before, so I suppose I can’t give a good review on PGL The Musical. When I saw AC Mizal on stage the first thing that came across my mind was that can he sing better than his rapping in 4U2C? But when he started to sing I knew that he had put 4U2C behind and it was really astounding to see his own interpretation of Majapahit King. One thing for sure, I like it millions of time more than the movie. Kudos to those involved for giving the audiences the best of experience so far.


Documentary - Voices At The Bottom Of The Pyramid

A million thanks to Da Boss, Yasmin Ahmad, for giving me the opportunity to watch her very first documentary last Friday together with other TSC-ers. What I could say is this, please watch the documentary if you could catch it anywhere since it’d definitely enlighten you in lots of way. The most appealing part for me personally is when one of the women talked about dignity. The women surely don’t have lots of money and stuff like we do have here and certainly most of them would never heard of Guess and Levis, but they have one important thing that we seem to slowly forget, dignity and pride.

One would see the documentary as another Majalah Tiga but some will see it as a textbook to learn more about the reality in life. Though the subject is about the Indian women but still you can see that there’s got to be more to life than your Ikea furniture and plasma TV.

What do you want?

Someone asked me this question the other day and sadly I didn’t have a clue.

Happy Rip Off Day

Today is the day where flowers especially roses could be sold at least twice the normal price. The chocolatiers definitely have better sales percentage today. Hotels and restaurants that serve the food in kid’s portions that have Valentine’s package on the price of one week’s budgeted expenses will also have their share today. After the rip off day, some of the guys would have to fast until the next pay which would be in another 2 weeks while the girls would be in cloud nine that seems to last forever. Such a great news to the bosses since this would definitely be the time where productivity reach its peak. For those who forgot to make their reservations or don’t have the budget to buy the flowers and have dinner at the fancy restaurant, worry not! We have lots of stalls and mamak’s restaurant, which you could go to. Be creative with the flowers. Just pick them up at Taman Titiwangsa or if you have enough guts just go to Taman Orkid for a better flower quality. Have fun to all the couples but remember, the percentage of people that broke up during the Valentine’s Day is far higher than the normal days.

Film

For the past two weeks I have seen Heath Ledger in two different movies, brokeback mountain and brothers grimm and last night Casanova. It felt slightly awkward seeing him as the world’s greatest lover after seeing him in his role in brokeback mountain. LOL. If you like Heath Ledger in A Knight’s Tale, you will definitely love him in this.

Books

I should be banned from all the bookstores I suppose. I can’t help myself but to buy another book again yesterday. This time is the latest installments by Tom Holt, you don’t have to be evil to work here, but it helps. A book which have some good career advice which I would recommend to be read by those who are struggling in their work place which the youngest female staff is on the verge of having her menopause.

Work

I kept clenching my jaws since last week and even more when someone called me up on Sunday to ask about work matters, which I definitely know nothing about and had to settle them on the basis of doing a favour. I wish I could have hanged someone just for the fun it. LOL.

World Keeps Turning

a face as long as a wet week

I went back to my hometown for the long holidays. I spent most of the time at home, and went out once in a while. It was sort of like revitalize, rejoice and rejuvenate as far as I’m concern. Time seemed to be ticking slower there compared to when I am in KL. I guess it is maybe because I have lots of things to do here. As always, mum cooked lots of my favourite dish, which made both of my sisters grateful that I came back for a visit since they could have free meals everyday. LOL.

My nephews and nieces gave me some big hugs, which I really needed for god knows how long. I spent some quality time together; the late night talk about their life and problems, DVD marathon, reading and the usual fights about who is the one that should be the leader of the pack. They had shown some signs of responsibilities by taking care of the young ones while we lot gossiping in the kitchen. The latest addition to the family, Erfan Qayyim is surrounded by love not only from his parents but also from the cousins who seems to be taking care of him, including Aliff the Chicken Little who is only 1 year old.

Grandpa has changed a bit. He had lost some weight and didn’t speak much. I tried to have a chat with him but he just stared blankly onto the wall. Mum was a bit worried about the changes and we had to assure her that there’s nothing wrong with him. I cooked his favourite dish and he just ate them silently. When I was a kid, I used to spend my weekend at my grandparents house. I used to cycle 10km back and forth with my grandpa to the day market on every Sunday without failed. When we got there, we usually had our breakfast at his favourite kopitiam. Most of his friends that hung out with him there had already passed away and I suppose he misses them all.

I went out with Kojeh and mum the other day and we drove passed the graveyard. I saw a man was busy tending one of the cemeteries. I didn’t go to visit abah’s like I always do. I miss him though but still I couldn’t see myself standing next to his cemetery and started to speak about my misery.

When I was about to step out from the house to go the train station to come back to KL, I realized that mum had a face as long as a wet week. She kept asking when am I going to come home again. I pretended that I didn’t hear her. I always have a mixed feeling about coming back home. The other side of me would keep telling me that it is my responsibility to always come home and see my mum but the other side would be saying that it hurt me so much to come back and see what my family has become.

Friends

I had a little gathering the other day with some friends from the secondary school. Usually I would always decline the invitation for a reunion especially the one that include the over achievers LOL. It is tiring to answer the standard questions that will always be asked in any reunions. Have you found the one? When are you getting married? How much is your pay? Would it be enough?

I have known one of them since I was in the primary school. One of them is not that lucky in her career path, the other one is damn happy with her job and the last one is still looking for a job. I never felt more relieved to meet them all that day. I was reminded of my root through the conversations and I am glad that I still remember what I was made of.


Films

Trips to the “penjual VCD haram’ is a must. So I went there with a mission to buy Brokeback Mountain and Transamerica. Both movies are about sexualities, but definitely trying to evoke very different feelings. Brokeback Mountain definitely has a better DOP, IMHO. Watch them without any prejudice and you shall see why I said that it would evoke your feelings. Another fine movie that I have seen is me and you and Everyone We Know. You will see how hard it is to connect with other people. I suppose some of us use blogging as a way to connect to people too.

Boooks

I have watched Trainspotting a few years ago and I loved it so much. During one of my weekly trip to Border’s with Hazera I found the book, amidst the classical shelves. This time I could never be so thankful to people who could never put the book back to the right shelves. Reading this book is such a challenge since you might take sometime to understand the colloquial speech. Once you have got a grip, it would be a smooth sailing.

I have never read Gabriel Garcia Marquez before though I know a few lads who love his writings. I ended up buying One Hundred Years of Solitude when I couldn’t find the book that I really wanted to buy. Lesson of the day: always write down the title of the book just in case you might forget. There’s no use to memorize the colour of the cover only.

Music

Richard Ashcroft is back! I have always loved his video clip, after I saw his ‘A song for the lovers’ video clip. It is simple but yet interesting. His latest single, Break the night with colour is smashing. Another video clip that had caught my eyes is by Korn, Twisted Transistor. What can I say? Korn would always come out with great ideas for their video clips.

The loneliness - Pablo Neruda

Pic courtesy of http://zforzzz.fotopages.com

I want to walk with you and know,
know the reasons why; I want to walk
inside of your shattered heart,
to ask the lost dust,
the shay, dispersed jasmine

whay?why this miserable dirt?
why this forsaken light?
why this shadow without stars?
why doom in Paita?

Wanna Rent My Life?

I went over to visit a colleague whose dad passed away on Monday. It was the first Hindu funeral that I ever attended ever in my life. It was interesting but somewhat brought me back down the memory lane. When I got to the house, I saw her family gathered around the body that was laid on the floor, clothed in the traditional silk suit. Then I realized how composed they were, as if content with the loss.

But I realized something else that very moment. I felt empty like never before. Throughout my life I have been to a several funeral excluding my family members. Whenever I got there, I would feel sad as if somebody has taken a piece of me.

Perhaps I got a better grip of myself now or maybe I am just being as daft as a brush

Books!

I have finished reading Merde Actually by Stephen Clarke during the weekend. Usually I don’t really believe what ever is written on the cover or the jacket of a book. Sometimes lots of good things written on the cover and made you believe that the book really is a must buy. You’d even kill your cat instead if you don’t get to buy the book. This time, it really is different. I must confess that whatever thing written on the cover of the book really is true! But one more food that has always been associated with the French, which is the frog, has not been given the mentioning that it deserves! Stephane Clarke must have owes lots of apologies to the French!

Merde Actually takes us further into the life of Paul West (Pol West) as pronounced by the French, a year after he arrived in Paris. We will travel to the nudist beach, Ars and yet back again to Paris where he struggles with My Tea Is Rich project. The escargots that bear the Union Jack and the France flag have scored the point to make its way into my book cover top ten list! To those PETA supporters out there: No escargots were harm during the writing of this book, I guess.

After 2 humor books, I opt to continue my reading with My sister’s keeper by Jodi Picoult which has a very interesting tagline on the cover of the book: If you use one of your children to save the life of another, are you being a good mother or a very bad one? I don’t usually go for such genre but what the heck; reading something different would add some colours into my mundane week!

This is my favourite phrase from the book :

Doubt thou that the stars are fire;

Doubt thou that the sun doth move;

Doubt truth to be a liar;

But never doubt that I love.

William Shakespeare, Hamlet

Music

Someone gave me Rammstein’s CD, Rosenrot, the other week. If you never heard of them before, that is because this is an industrial band from Germany. At first my thought was like what V loves to say : Blardi hell! Kenot understand at all! Besides, I had started to love this particular song, which is a duet with Texas singer, Sharleen Spiteri. This is the type of song that will stick in your brain for a while.

Alas, thank god for Internet! Have Internet will travel!

German

Die Nacht öffnet ihren Schoß
Das Kind heißt Einsamkeit
Es ist kalt und regungslos
Ich weine leise in die Zeit
Ich weiß nicht wie du heißt
Doch ich weiß dass es dich gibt
Ich weiß dass irgendwann
irgendwer mich liebt

He comes to me every night
No words are left to say
With his hands around my neck
I close my eyes and pass away

I don't know who he is
In my dreams he does exist
His passion is a kiss
And I can not resist

Ich warte hier
Don't die before I do
Ich warte hier
Stirb nicht vor mir

I don't know who you are
I know that you exist
Stirb nicht
Sometimes love seems so far
Ich warte hier
Your love I can't dismiss
Ich warte hier

Alle Häuser sind verschneit
Und in den Fenstern Kerzenlicht
Dort liegen sie zu zweit
Und ich
Ich warte nur auf dich

Ich warte hier
Don't die before I do
Ich warte hier
Stirb nicht vor mir

I don't know who you are
I know that you exist
Stirb nicht
Sometimes love seems so far
Ich warte hier
Your love I can't dismiss

Stirb nicht vor mir

English

The night opens her lap
The child's name is loneliness
It is cold and motionless
I cry softly into time
I don't know what your name is
But I know that you exist
I know that sometime
someone will love me

He comes to me every night
No words are left to say
With his hands around my neck
I close my eyes and pass away

I don't know who he is
In my dreams he does exist
His passion is a kiss
And I can not resist

I wait here
Don't die before I do
I wait here
Don't die before I do

I don't know who you are
I know that you exist
Don't die
Sometimes love seems so far
I wait here
Your love I can't dismiss
I wait here

All the houses are covered in snow
And candle light in the windows
They lie there together
And I
I only wait for you

I wait here
Don't die before I do
I wait here
Don't die before I do

I don't know who you are
I know that you exist
Don't die
Sometimes love seems so far
I wait here
Your love I can't dismiss

Don't die before I do

Work

Bearing the burden of other people works really is killing me at the moment. There is a devilish woman in the office that is such a lazy bum who thinks that she is the only person working in the office. Since my cubicle is located at the far end of the wing, which is a very strategic place if you want to hide from the devil, she thought that I have nothing much to do.

So now I ended up having to do her job as well. What makes me want to strangle her is seeing how slow she does her job. if I pass any documents to be signed by the VP, I would have to call or see her myself again and again to make sure that she’d pass them to him. Apart from that, I’d have to collect and send her documents to and from other departments. When she was pregnant, I had to do most of her jobs too. Man, this is too much. I might propose to my director to let me handle her department since literally I have been administering her department, whether anybody realize it or not!

Just imagine if I could have her pay too! Muahhahahahahaaahhahaahahahahhahahahahhahahahahha

Bintang Di Surga

I know you like an open book

I had a very long conversation with an old friend that I’ve known for almost 10 years now. He said that I haven’t changed much since our last meeting about a year ago. As always, I want him to listen to my silly ideas on how the world should be run and how simple life could be from my point of view. His remarks about me having too idealistic ideas made me realized how do I with such a complicated thinking could live such a simple life. Actually I don’t ask for much from anyone but lately people been asking too much from me. And me being me, I would never say no to anything. Sooner or later I might don’t even have the energy to lift up my finger!

Another merde in a not so different bucket

I stumbled into the hr consultant the other day and she started to ask what my job scope is. I answered without much interest knowing that I would end up being in the merde. Then I came to learn that hr only agreed to give me one-month contract, which really contradict to what my boss told me. From hr point of view it seems like the budget should be adhere nonetheless so my boss would have to choose between me and the other senior in a month time.

The thing is, I am not here to compete for a permanent position especially if it’s going to risk somebody else’s job. But should I be held responsible if she losses her job if I have proven that I could do a better job thus make me deserves this job more than she does?

Such dilemma added up with some flu and coughs make me pray everyday that I won’t die soon.

Mari Makan Lengkong bersama King Kong

I went over to watch King Kong in IMAX with Hazera, Habri, David and Nico last Tuesday. It was quite exciting to think whether it’d be possible to see the King Kong’s nose up close when I watch it on IMAX. After 3 disturbing hours, I was never so glad when the movie finished.

My advice would be: please stick to the original King Kong if you are the type of moviegoer who wants to feel some emotions from a movie. But please hail King Kong by Peter Jackson if you love seeing King Kong fights the gruesome T-Rex. There is a scene which has a shot of Adrien Brody taken from this certain angle that makes him look so fragile and you’d begin to wonder why would he wants to be in this kind of movie. One thing for sure: I just love all the shoes worn by Ann Darrow in this movie LOL.

Finding my refuge in poetry

For the past few days I have been finding my refuge in poetry, either by the Sufi masters or just some ordinary poets. I came across this poem by Hafiz when I felt so much despair in my life and I want to share it with you guys here.

Out of this mess

Pray
To be humble
So that God does not
Have to appear to be so stingy.

O pray to be honest,
Strong,
Kind,
And pure,

So that the Beloved is never miscast
As a cruel great miser.

I know you have a hundred complex cases
Against God in court,

But never mind, wayfarer,
Let’s just get out of this mess

And pray to be loving and humble
So that the Friend will be forced to reveal

Himself so Near!

Hafiz – Taken from The Gift Poems by Hafiz The Great Sufi Master

Feels just like it should

I have started to make a full use of my weekly planner. A week before there were only a few notes on my friends birthday but then I realized that I have always forgotten what movies that I have seen or whom that I hang out with on the previous weekend. Thus, last night I have started to write down every detail from what I remember and also the current events. What makes my new habit even sweeter was because the person that I hang out with for dinner yesterday decided to write down his own notes on our outing. Perhaps the beautiful full moon that we saw last night had made us do silly things. Who knows?

Movie

The Wig

I went to watch this movie after hearing a rave reviews from Nana. To be honest, it was quite scary . I think out of 60 people who were in the cinema hall with me that night, 40 of them would have screamed, while the other 10 would just kept their cool to impress their girlfriends whilst the rest of them would just closed their eyes with jackets and such.LOL.

What makes the movie so different you might say? Well, most of the horror movies made are usually about women who turned into ghosts. But this time, it was a man’s ghost! Yeap, you read it right! MAN’S GHOST!But in this movie it's a gay ghost. Attention: I don't mean to offend any gays out there. I believe that it doesn't matter what your sexual orientation is, but if you are bad then you really are bad. Putting a label on people based on gender,race and sexual orientation is definitely a no-no to me.

What is the moral of the story? I’m not going to say that girls should never use the rebonding technique, which would be silly since hair is definitely a girl’s throne. At the end of the movie you’ll realize that jealousy is the root of evil. When you feel jealous, you’ll tend to have a very negative impression on other persons and it will lead to some fatal incidents. By the way, never leave your camera around or somebody might use it to kill you. I shall remind you guys who either likes to play truant by hanging out in the lavatory or a quickie in the loo should never watch this movie or you might never go anywhere near the toilet bowl.

Work

Praise to God that I have been given another 3 months contract. But still the good news has not put me in the working mode just yet. The week went by as usual in the office. Same shit, different buckets I suppose.

I have developed a decent relationship with some girls who have been working at the office for almost a decade now. One of them has started to feel that her life serves no other purpose and she lives merely because she lives. This is very startling since I sense that she has shut down her feelings before and only lately she feels some anger building up inside her. I wonder whether her relationships with some other younger colleagues and me who lead more fulfilling lives have contributed to trigger the negative feelings in her!

I just hope that none of us would need to go through such feelings because I can tell you that it really is ugly. Shutting down your feelings will certainly bring more harms than good. You’d feel like life is nothing but working, do good deeds and perform your prayers. I am not saying that perform the prayers is not good but life is certainly more than that. Surround yourself with family, good friends, great books and do lots of cool activities. Please don’t die before your time! **These last sentences make me sounds like Dr Phil, don’t I? Hahahahha**

Books

I have finished A Year in the Merde. It really is hilarious especially the bit about the differences on food, sexuality and red tapes in England and France. A must read if you want to know why French can be so arrogant but yet romantic and Brits would always be sarcastic no matter what.

I continued reading ‘tis last night. I think I can really understand why abah wanted me to become a teacher. He always thought highly of this career and that was how Gebob and Kojeh ended up being teachers. For him teaching is not about going into the class, ask the student to open up the book and read. It’s more about nurturing their personalities and abilities. I remember when I was small; a young man came over to see abah during Hari Raya. He merely came over to thank abah for making him realized that he could reach for the star if he was willing to work hard. I guess that would be one of the best days in his life.

The next books in my list: Merde Actually, my sister’s keeper and some other books, which have been read halfway hehehhe.

Life in General

It really was a very pleasing week I would say. Got to make someone’s day (I assume), received a good news for myself and learned a thing or two and master a few tricks. All in all, a great week!

Dedication

Here’s a poem for the person who celebrated his birthday with a bang this week.

XV –Twenty love Poems and A Song of Despair

I like for you to be still: it is as though you were absent,
And you hear me from far away and my voice does not touch you.
It seems as though your eyes had flown away
And it seems that a kiss had sealed your mouth.

As all things are filled with my soul
you emerge from the things, filled with my soul,
You are like my soul, a butterfly of dream,
And you are like the word Melancholy.

I like for you to be still, and you seem so far away.
It sounds as though you were lamenting, a butterfly cooing like a dove.
And you hear me from far away, and my voice does not reach you:
Let me come to be still in your silence.
And let me talk to you with your silence
That is bright as a lamp, simple as a ring.
You are like the night, with its stillness and constellations.
Your silence is that of a star, as remote and candid.

I like for you to be still: it is as though you were absent,
Distant and full of sorrow as though you had died.
One word then, one smile, is enough.
And I am happy, happy that it’s not true.

Pablo Neruda

2006 is here to stay!

I ended up 2006 with a movie marathon with Faye. We started with Perhaps Love which definitely has an awesome soundtrack and a very handsome Takeshi Kaneshiro with his manly voice.**Drooling**.We took a break for some shopping before we continued with Wallace and Gromit. I definitely like this one better than Corpse Bride that I had to watch it again with David and Nico. Since we were already not in the mood for 2 hours long movie or a very heavy one, we decided to watch A Chinese Tall Story which had lots of CGIs. It felt as if I was watching Star Wars again. The last movie for the day was Narnia that had given me a very unforgettable incident which I wish could be erased with a blink of my eyes!

After only 10 days in 2006, I started to realize lots of things. The most significant should be how purposeless my life would be this year. Well, as if I ever had any before LOL. I started badly in 2005 and it lasted for the half of the year. To be honest, I certainly can’t really remember what happened to me last year. Perhaps I have blocked most of the memories especially all the bad ones. If any of you happened to be in them then I owe you an apology for not being able to reminisce all the bad recollections later on in life.

Things that I know for sure are these : I have learnt a lot about life, made lots of new friends, grew more camaraderie, lost a few friends and found the missed ones. My greatest gratitude goes to those who reads my blog and leave words of encouragements for my postings in 2005.

One of the most significant things that happened in 2005 would be the TSC. It all started with the appreciation on Sepet and admiration towards Yasmin Ahmad that brought us all together. The other would be when at last I got to get my life back together. For 7 months I just let my life went with the flow and struggled to survive all the barriers (and a few barricades I might say) when I finally ended up having a new job. My contract is said to be continued but am not certain for how long at the moment.

Thank you so much for those who have always been there for me.I certainly couldn't repay all the good times, the great talks and the romantic moments (if applicable).You guys know who you are ;)

As usual, no resolutions are made since it won’t last after a few weeks!

Things in the office are going smoothly especially in the last 2 weeks of December. Lots of people went for their holidays and only a few of us were left in the office. I should say that it would be the most peaceful time ever! But it felt a bit bored since I didn’t get to pull somebody's leg. Duh! During this period I realized a few things that I have learnt and use them as my practices since I started working here.

1.The dumber you are the better
This practice is essential especially when you have to deal with those who think that they have worked there since the stone ages so they know everything. If you can pretend that you never know how to switch on the light without ever having to show that you are disgusted with your own act then congratulations! You are in the right track to become the next most favorite staff in the office politics

2.Beware of the devils!
Make sure that you mix with the right group. Hence always mingle around to recognize the group that fit you the most. It might take some time but please be patient because it will definitely bring you a lot of benefits.Not only you will get the latest on grapevines but also some good shoulders to cry on.

3.Sharpen up your act
If you are the type of person who can’t live without Yahoo Messenger, MSN Messenger or Google Talk then use the right tool so that you wouldn’t be detected by the firewall set up by your company. But remember, when you start to chat in the office you will need to be very cautious and act up as if you really are busy especially when you start to type really fast when you have so many friends online. Make sure that you toss lots of paper works around and if anybody calls your office phone pick them up only after a few rings in order for you to convince your colleagues in the other cubicles. Practice your hand to move the mouse really fast so that you could change the window in 0.0003 seconds as per Gaban’s movement since it really is important especially when your boss suddenly comes over to your desk. You wouldn’t want to be caught red handed I can assure you that!

Books!

Lately I have the tendency to read 3 books simultaneously, a habit that I am not so fond of. At the moment I’ve been reading ‘tis by Frank McCourt, a year in the merde by Stephen Clarke and the poetry of Pablo Neruda which I read before I go to sleep every night. Well, I’m not so sure when I’m going to finish it since it is roughly 1000 pages!

Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Adha

It’s Hari Raya Aidil Adha today and here I am spending my nighttime in front of the PC. I went to my cousin’s house in the afternoon and got lost for almost an hour. I almost decided to go home when I realized that it wouldn’t be a meaningful Hari Raya if I celebrated it alone. Luckily I went on well and I came back with my stomach full of nasi himpit, rendang and laksa.

I called mum in the morning and she told me that she was actually on the bed and was about to get some nap. I wanted to speak to Tuk Wan but mum told me that he had been crying for 2 days long and refused to eat anything. So I thought it’d be best if I don’t speak to him since he would cry even more when he heard my voice.

Gebob was busy with her new baby, which has a very weird name. At first it sounded like some ice cream from Baskin Robbins but after a while it sounds like a plant. Kojeh as usual was having a ball with her in laws. I can’t thank god enough for Kak Chik and Kak Yong still don’t understand on how the calendar works or else they might have called me everyday to ask when am I going to go back to see them!

Whatever happened to Mariah Carey?

If you gals have seen the latest installments of Mariah Carey’s video clip you should have realized that she seems to be having inferiority complex. She has changed the size of her bust, her butts and god knows what else has she changed before. I suppose if we live without any regulations, social norms and religions restrictions she might as well make a video clip that looks like soft porn to show her assets! LOL!


Blind-Lifehouse

I was young but I wasn't naive

I watched helpless as he turned around to leave

And still I have the pain I have to carry

A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

After all this timeI never thought we'd be here

Never thought we'd be here

When my love for you was blind

But I couldn't make you see it

Couldn't make you see it

That I loved you more than you'll ever know

A part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep

Only in hopes of dreaming

That everything would be like is was before

But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting

They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

After all this timeI never thought we'd be here

Never thought we'd be here

When my love for you was blind

But I couldn't make you see it

Couldn't make you see it

That I loved you more than you'll ever know

A part of me died when I let you go

After all this time

Would you ever wanna leave it

Maybe you could not believe it

That my love for you was blind

But I couldn't make you see it

Couldn't make you see it

That I loved you more than you will ever know

A part of me died when I let you go

And I loved you more than you'll ever know

A part of me dies when I let you go

Thought of the day

love is one big lie so companies could make lots of profits out of it

Letter to Abah

I know my abah would never get to read this letter but still I want to write it down. A year has passed and I got lots of things to tell but there’s no one would ever be willing to listen like he did. So this letter is merely about my thoughts on stuff.

Dear Abah,

Mum just had her cataract removed a few weeks ago. When I was taking care of her I caught her crying silently. I suppose she wished that you were there to comfort her. Well, you know how mum is; she could easily get scared over nothing. She even asked the nurses if I should go into the operating theatre with her. Luckily they told her that it was so unnecessary and I could just waited at the ward. How grateful I was when I heard that coz I didn’t get much sleep the night before. Mum woke me up at 5am and asked me to get dressed. Remember how she likes to annoy me? Well, I guess this is one of the most annoying moments with mum LOL

Lots of things happened since you passed away. Mum is doing fine now and I guess she has started to get over you already. The other day when I went home, she slept on the bed that you have shared with her for 34 years and I took it as a good sign. I still don’t sleep on my bed though. When I lay down to sleep, I keep remembering the time when your body was laid on it. The kids are using it as their battlefield now so I suppose I would just let it be so long as it is not go wasted.

I suppose Tuk Wan misses you too though he’s on the verge of having Alzheimer. He still calls up your name sometimes and he would start to cry when mum slowly answers him and explains why you are not here anymore. It really is painful to hear it each time and I always pretend no to hear this.

Along, Angah, Kak Chik and Kak Yong are missing you ever since. The other day they compiled all of your pictures and put them in some new albums. I just realized that there is not a single picture of my childhood in there. Worry not, I don’t really mind. Maybe at that time you were too occupied with lots of things and you didn’t really be bothered to take my pictures at that time. Aliff have started to walk and he could utter a few words. Gebob is expecting her second child anytime now. I don’t speak to her for quite sometimes now. Things are not going really well between us girls. Lots need to be done if we want to patch things up.

Our relationship with your family is getting worse. Your siblings seemed to be trying hard to make our life miserable. Mum keeps losing her sleep each night over this matter. How I wish I could work some miracles and make things better for everyone. Why wouldn’t they let us live in peace? What have we done to them? It hurts so bad that I vowed never to step to Granny’s house anymore. Please forgive me Abah but you know long before that I could never tolerate this.

I found “To kill a mockingbird” in the storeroom with some of your books. There are few books that you bought for me that I never got to finish. Perhaps I’d try to read them all in 2006. Oh! One more thing! I’ve started to read poems again. I’ve started to collect and download the poems from the Internet too. Though how passionate I am about poems I always know that I would never be able to write any of my own hahahaha. Ah Kow’s dogs would still chase me up every time I walk pass his house. Where did I go wrong? Did I like to throw up stones at dogs when I was small? Why would they want to chase me and only me out of thousands people in our housing area? Do I deserve this terrible punishment just because I haven’t jog for years now? It drives me mad each time because I have to take the other road to get home. Mum told me that people have complained to City Council but each time they come over to catch the dogs they would never be anywhere in sight!

Remember our conversation in the car when we were on our last trip to Granny’s house 3 days before you passed away? The trial of Datuk Sharifah Aini versus Siti Nurhaliza had started but I don’t have any interest to follow the daily updates. I heard that Datuk Sharifah Aini’s team got some new evidence so the trial had been adjourned. I have watched Yasmin Ahmad’s latest movie “Gubra” and it really is a great movie. I got to watch Stanley Kubrick’s “Full Metal Jacket” the other day. It was such a pity that I couldn’t watch it with you because I know how much you loved the movies about Vietnam wars. Did you know that Mexico is in the same group as Portugal in Group B for the upcoming World Cup? I hope Portugal could at least get to the Semi-Final and England will finally win the World Cup! At least we could have more news about the England team rather than David Beckham’s scandals and new hairdos. By the way, Becks got his own perfume label and the perfume smells like weeds, but at least it’s slightly better than Andre Agassi’s Aramis. Still, I can’t wait to see the Italians and their sexy jerseys heehehhehe.

Think it’d be better if I stop now before I start to talk about my misery life, literally. Hope you have a good rest.

Love,

Your bored stiff daughter

Things that should've been posted before

This posting was written during the MVA awards but I didn’t get to use the PC and my blog had some probs. I decided to post this up when I got a comment that I socialize too much and didn’t give my 110% during the important project. Duh!

Hey! It’s Saturday!

I finally got my weekends back, after spending my two weekends in the office. In order for me to celebrate, I decided to head to the National Art Gallery with Hazera and Jaja to attend the scriptwriting talk given by Da Boss, Yasmin Ahmad on a very sunny Saturday. It was a really exhilarating experience to learn more about the process of writing a script from Da Boss. But it was even more thrilling to see her sharing the enthusiasm with the participants.

Alas, my weariness has taken its toll. I fell asleep while watching the documentary about the making of Bajau Parang . If I were not tired, I believe that I would have watched the whole docu, so I should say that it was my loss then.

Since it was my first visit to the National Art Gallery, then I suppose I should write a bit about my experience there. The cafeteria’s ambience was good but the service given was horrendous. It was terribly slow and the waiter always got confused with the order. Duh! The directory too was somewhat confusing. On the directory it was shown that the National Art Gallery has its own surau. But when we asked about it, we were told to go to Istana Budaya instead. Perhaps, it’d be better if they could take out the surau’s sign from the directory to avoid any confusion.

All in all, it was a great day.

As promised, here’s a short note about hospital and why I never liked it

My mum and I arrived at the hospital quite early for her pre-surgery check-up. Armed with 3 books and a knapsack I stepped into the waiting area while mum went for her check-up. Lots of people were already there, either to have a regular check-up or to register for the surgery. After a few hours, mum and I were led to the ward.

It was really tense at first. I saw a 3-year-old child whose hand was broke and the doctor didn’t do anything until the training doctors came over so he could demonstrate the treatment. A lonely old woman who burnt 60% of her body who kept waiting for her sister to come over brought tears to my eyes. I wished I never had to see all these; alas I had to fulfill my responsibility towards my mum. Apart from the fact that I felt nauseous from the smell of the antiseptic, the sight of the suffering patients and the annoying nurses were some of the main reasons why I never liked the hospital. Not forget to mention the lack of cute doctors around the hospital must also be listed as th reason why I don't like the hospital hahaha!

I told mum that I wanted to go home for lunch and came back later on. But mum being mum, she didn’t let me to go anywhere. I was annoyed and decided to take a breather. I had the chance to walk around Taiping in the afternoon. I haven’t been there for a few years now. When I was little, I always spent my weekends and school holidays in Kampung Pinang with my godparents. Mum told me the other day that somebody told her that Ayah Lope had passed away not so long time ago. We didn’t keep in touch with them for years and I know that mum misses them too. I was such a great loss that I forgot to bring along a camera with me that day. There were many beautiful scenes and I never realized them before. Amongst the things that I realized the most is the hotel, which is called Hotel Paris that really reminded me of David and Nico.LOL.

There was a patient who supposed to have a surgery after mum. She was so scared that her daughters had to hold her hands all the time until the moment when she had to be pushed to operation theatre. It was funny and annoying at the same time when she couldn’t wait to ask my mum how the procedure was done as soon as she saw the nurses pushing my mum back into our room. Mum who was still numb just talking incoherently and that really freaked her out!

The best moment in the ward would be the visiting hour, which could give the same effect as the happy hour in bars and clubs or perhaps something even better; the mambo jambo in Zouk. The companionship brought by the visitors could soothe the weary souls even just for a few minutes. When both my sisters came over to visit they could tell that I was bored to death. Deep down I knew that they couldn’t thank God enough for giving the idea to the Chinese guy to invent the paper so that books could be printed out! I got to finish two books and started on a new one during my 3 days stay in the ward. At the end of the day it felt like a vacation instead but with some emotional holocaust!

horayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

My blog is back!Thank God for the miracle given!

Wanted to write but too sleepy hehehe...

from The Book of Questions

III.


Tell me, is the rose naked
or is that her only dress?

Why do trees conceal
the splendor of their roots?

Who hears the regrets
of the thieving automobile?

Is there anything in the world sadder
than a train standing in the rain?

Pablo Neruda

Tidakkk!

Won't be around for the next few days..
Going to camp out in the hospital with me mum..
Feel free to drop me a few lines in the comment box..
Would write about the hospital experience when i come back,hopefully in one piece hehehe..
in the mean time,take care y'all!