From the bottom of my broken heart

It’s no use crying over spilt milk

It was a very depressing slumber party. I managed to avoid talking about their break up by watching IT. It felt like my eyes were glued to the screen. It really is stressful to think about how she’s going to cope living without him.

She started asking me to ask her ex to join us for lunch. I totally ignored her plan. How could I make her see that this is not the right way to deal with the break up? She started to cry after that. Luckily, the tears meant nothing. I let her cried all her might but no I don’t want to be involved in the crying game.

He on the other hand, is happy to go on living. Keep the new lover aside; we can clearly see that he has a lot of reasons to live. Why does it matter if he changed? What if he changed for the good? Who are we to judge him?

I don’t know for how long is she going to live like this. Once she wakes up she’ll start crying as if she doesn’t want to wake up anymore. The day is not as beautiful as it used to be and the roses are not as sweet as they supposed to be.
Is it worth it to waste your valuable life longing for someone who dumped you because he thinks that you are not worth of his love?

Was it my fault if I am ugly?

I was at KLCC again today, this time around with Nana. We tried to get a cab but to no avail. I lost my temper because of the incidents that I listed below and yes I too was surprised to learn that I needed lots of incidents before I really got angry.

1)Queue

Would it matters if we cut the queues? Yes it is. For me, it means a lot. You show that you acknowledge the people before you has queued up long before you got there. Unfortunately, in lots of cases people just don’t care about this anymore. I was waving like mad to stop a taxi when suddenly a group of people rushed to the taxi that stopped for me. I felt disgusted and almost threw up. I thanked god that I didn’t really threw up at that time. The sight of a young lady covered with her vomit is not a very pleasant sight, especially if it happens right in front of KLCC. What if it really did happen? I’ll definitely avoid that place for 5 years, let alone to drive along Jalan Ampang.

In another incident, I tried to hail the taxi but then the taxi driver stopped to pick up some tourists that queued up after me. The tourists told the taxi driver that we got there before them. Still, the taxi driver insisted to take them instead of us. Was I mad? Yes. But it was still not enough for me to start cursing.

2)Hey beautiful

In my limited cursing vocabulary i.e. your underwear smell like cow dunk, I had started cursing right after this incident. There was a pretty girl who cut our queue. She managed to hail a few taxi compared to us who had been queuing for a while but none of the taxi stopped for us.

Upon seeing this I lost my temper. Is there any significant proves that one must have a good look to hail a cab? In that case, all the ugly ducklings should stick to the smelly metro buses and LRT since it is impossible for them to hail a cab. It would bring a lot of hazards to taxi drivers. For instance, the taxi driver would have to drive as fast as he could since he couldn’t stand the thought of having some ugly creatures in the back seat. As a result, he slams his car onto the divider. What about those taxi drivers who puke out whenever they see the ugly ducklings queuing up on the side of the road waiting for taxis?

Glade would make a hell lot of money. The air freshener business as well as the car wash would have customers’ non-stop. It’ll contribute a lot to the Malaysia’s economy. Come to think of it those small businesses like Ah V’s car wash would make millions, just like the AP’s holders.

How’s your job

Well, I quit my job. No, I’m not proud of it. I went for dinner in KLCC and I was really late to go back to work. So I decided that this is it. I don’t want to be stuck with the scripts anymore. Then I went home, watched TV and started to enjoy my joblessness. Again!

What’s next?

Somebody that I just knew asks me: What do you really want to do? Have I the answer? Affirmatively no.

Love

What's wrong with you, with us, what's happening to us?

Ah our love is a harsh cord that binds us wounding us and if we want to leave our wound,

to separate,

it makes a new knot for us and condemns us to drain our blood and burn together.

What's wrong with you?

I look at you and I find nothing in you but two eyes like all eyes,

a mouth lost among a thousand mouths that I have kissed,

more beautiful,

a body just like those that have slipped beneath my body without leaving any memory.

And how empty you went through the world like a wheat-colored jar without air,

without sound, without substance!

I vainly sought in you depth for my arms that dig,

without cease, beneath the earth: beneath your skin,

beneath your eyes,

nothing,

beneath your double breast scarcely raised a current of crystalline order that does not know why it flows singing.

Why, why, why, my love, why?

Pablo Neruda