Disgrace

forgive me my fellow malays for i have dishonored our malay..corteous malay

will write more later..bz like hell..

pic bukak poser

penjual mercun katak kampung melayu,ampang

pengedar SKYM bagi kawasan Penang,Kl,Selangor serta pemandu teksi tak bermeter

peserta peraduan mewarna anti dadah peringkat daerah kuala langat

minuman yang di taja oleh JLO

nazrul dengan gaya inzal noda limfa

The saga continues

When I said that it was going to be a strange day, it did eventually turned from strange to horrific. What was the outcome? I had put my job in line, simply because I lost my temper. One thing about me is that when I get angry it means that I really am angry. I suppose that’s the problem when one can hardly get angry. So when I get angry it’d be awful.

I got so pissed off that I had showed the finger to a person without ever realizing that the witch saw me doing it. As a result, I had been warned that the witch would only need to tell the VP about my behavior to send me out the door. By learning this fact, I have lost the excitement to do my work let alone to drag myself ou of bed.

What makes me feel more aggravated is that the witch is so untouchable that we all need to succumb to all the hardships that we have to endure every time we need to get the VP’s approvals and other things that she handles too. I believe that it’s so pathetic that we can’t find any solutions to all the problems that arise each time we get into trouble with the witch. I was advised to be low profile and not to show my protest towards her openly. Man, after all the insults and difficulties that I went through the least that I want to do is to keep my mouth shut.

I desperately trying not to complain or causing any trouble at all. Alas, the things that I want to hinder the most had happened. I came back late from work yesterday since I had to arrange the traveling for a couple of guys. I could have settled the arrangements in less than 4 hours if it was not for the witch and her boss who had made things difficult. Just thinking about the time and energy wasted on these all made me feel like throwing up.

To stir things up, the witch had also labeled me as very bad Malay for showing her the finger. Racist? Indeed. In the al-quran it is said that races were created so that we could learn from each other. There are no races better than the other; basically we all are much the same regardless of your skin colors or languages. I must confess that in my mind I try not to judge people based on their race but rather on their individualities. So what do I felt when I found out about the label that she put on me? I felt pity to her children because they have a mother who is so racist and evil at the same time. If I were to be her child, I might have slit my throat and let my blood flows on her new carpet. LOL.

I slept the whole day and night, because of the emotional drained. Pray that it’d be sunnier on Monday.

Coldplay - Trouble

O no,

I see,I

spun a web,

it's tangled up with me,

And I lost my head,

The thought of all the stupid things I said,

O no what's this?A spider web,

and I'm caught in the middle,I

turned to run,

The thought of all the stupid things I've done,

I never meant to cause you trouble,

And I never meant to do you wrong,

And I, well if I ever caused you trouble,

O no, I never meant to do you harm.

O no I see,A

spider web and it's me in the middle,S

o I twist and turn,

Here I am in love in a bubble,

Singing, I never meant to cause you trouble,

I never meant to do you wrong,

And I, well if I ever caused you trouble,

Although I never meant to do you harm.

They spun a web for me,

They spun a web for me,

They spun a web for me.

It's all about Ricky Martin!

I had 8 hours of sleep last night. I had very strange dreams, which really was terrifying. My day started strangely this morning and I guess it’s going to be a very strange day indeed.

The good news is Ricky Martin is out with his new album. What’s so good about it? Well, I’m sick and tired to listen to his old songs that have been on air like forever. With a bit of luck, I hope this album will have catchier tunes and brainy lyrics. To be honest, I don’t really care about Ricky Martin. I just want to write something about him since his video clip is on MTV as I updating the blog. LOL.

A horrific incident happened to me yesterday. It all started with me asking for my documents that needed to be approved from one of the directors, which I shall, named as MJ. Well, the incident actually happened between his assistant, the Witch and I.

I went to ask about the status of my documents from the Witch for the 3rd times in 6 hours. Three is not a lucky number for me. On the third time that I went to see her, I knew that she’d be really pissed off to see me.

Kekure : Have MJ signed up the documents yet?

Witch : Can’t you see that his door is closed?He’s having a meeting and he refused to sign? How many times do I have to tell you? (Yelling her lungs out)

You know this type of person who has worked at one place for a very long time and they feel like they have all the rights and powers to do as they wish? The witch is definitely one of them. When she was yelling at me, I suddenly felt pity for her. Deep down inside she must have been a recluse. I suppose, she should find the right person to show her what it feels like to be having fun. The only funs that she might have are either while gossiping or bullying others.

I think don’t really care to get back to her soon. But eventually I will. Muahahhahahahahahahahhahahahhaha!

edited at 15:32

@#$%^&*()_

Too pissed off to be working today

untitled

Silence Is Easy

Everybody says that their looking for a shelter,
got a lot to give but I don't know how to help her,
I should just let it go till they learn how to grow,
and how to liberate.

Everybody says that she's looking for a shelter,
got a lot to give but I don't know how I felt her,
they should just let it go till these cities learn to grow,
and how to liberate.

Silence is easy,
it just becomes me,
you don't even know me,
all lie about me.

Everybody says that I'm looking for a home now,
looking for a boy or I'm looking for a girl now,
I can still let it go,
I can still learn to grow,
into a child again.

Silence is easy,
it just becomes me,
you don't even know me,
why lie about me.

Silence is easy,
it just becomes me,
you don't even know me,
why do you hate me.

**WRITER'S BLOCK..will write more later**

edited at 12.30pm
Today is definitely the day where I should be idle

Goal!

Great soundtrack!luv them!

You get to see Becks for 20secs, Zizou and Raul for 25 secs and Alan Shearer for 2 minutes. Is it worth it?For me Yes!Coz i got to see the Reds lost to the Magpies.Luckily United was not the one being trashed in the movie.It was the Reds,which IMHO suited them just fine!LOL

Khayalan Tingkat Tinggi

Sing along with me!

Had a hell of a weekend.

Family

It was great to be home, as always. But when we broke the fast, everybody suddenly went into the still mode. Tuk Wan tried hard to hold back his tears while everybody ate silently. It was terrible just to think of it. Last year, while we had our meal, abah would be sitting on his lazy chair, holding Aliff Najmi while chit chatting with us while we had our meals. This year, Tuk Wan replaced him and staring at the empty space.

Kak Chik said to me, it’s such a pity that Aliff and Gebob’s unborn child have not the chance to know abah. She was sad as she felt that she only had a brief moment with abah. I asked my fave someone the other day about his loss. My fave someone said he wouldn’t change anything if he had been given the chance to do so. I for once had to agree with him.

Friends

Met a long lost friend and we tried to make up for all those times that we have lost. The best part would be the karaoke session. Thanks to the Japanese who had invented the karaoke machine! I don’t know why, but I always go for a karaoke during the fasting month. What’s with Ramadan and the karaoke? LOL

My fave someone who always anticipates with the idea of spending quality time at the karaoke sang his songs with gusto. It’s always remarkable to see him in that mode since he is usually pokerfaced. The transformation of his mode is always stimulating. The best bit was when Oat had chosen the wrong song and neither of us had any ideas on how to sing the song. As always, we made out our own tunes. Looking at the way we karaoke that night, we could have been chosen as the customers from hell.

Life

It’s odd how people come and go in my life while it could be exhilarating at times just to think of it.

Work

Hectic, but fun. Late for work as usual. Today, I was rushing to work and burnt my scarf while ironing. It was the second scarf in less than a week. Such a tragic! Sigh! I need to buy myself two alarm clocks, I suppose. Anybody wants to buy them for me? LOL


What are you reading?

Highly recommended especially to those who don’t like this type of book like me. Will review more when I’m done, which could means in another 3 months. LOL.

The grief

Clown in the Moon

My tears are like the quiet drift
Of petals from some magic rose;
And all my grief flows from the rift
Of unremembered skies and snows.

I think, that if I touched the earth,
It would crumble;
It is so sad and beautiful,
So tremulously like a dream.

Dylan Thomas

Walking Around

It so happens I am sick of being a man.
And it happens that I walk into tailorshops and moviehouses
dried up, waterproof, like a swan made of felt
steering my way in a water of wombs and ashes.

The smell of barbershops makes me break into hoarsesobs.
The only thing I want is to lie still like stones or wool.
The only thing I want is to see no more stores, no gardens,
no more goods, no spectacles, no elevators.

It so happens that I am sick of my feet and my nails
and my hair and my shadow.
It so happens I am sick of being a man.

Still it would be marvelous
to terrify a law clerk with a cut lily,
or kill a nun with a blow on the ear.
It would be great
to go through the streets with a green knife
letting out yells until I died of the cold.

I don't want to go on being a root in the dark,
insecure, stretched out, shivering with sleep,
going on down, into the moist guts of the earth,
taking in and thinking, eating every day.

I don't want so much misery.
I don't want to go on as a root and a tomb,
alone under the ground, a warehouse with corpses,
half frozen, dying of grief.

That's why Monday, when it sees me coming
with my convict face, blazes up like gasoline,
and it howls on its way like a wounded wheel,
and leaves tracks full of warm blood leading toward the night.

And it pushes me into certain corners, into some moist houses,
into hospitals where the bones fly out the window,
into shoeshops that smell like vinegar,
and certain streets hideous as cracks in the skin.

There are sulphur-colored birds, and hideous intestines
hanging over the doors of houses that I hate,
and there are false teeth forgotten in a coffeepot,
there are mirrors
that ought to have wept from shame and terror,
there are umbrellas everywhere, and venoms, and umbilicalcords.

I stroll along serenely, with my eyes, my shoes,
my rage, forgetting everything,
I walk by, going through office buildings and orthopedic shops,
and courtyards with washing hanging from the line:
underwear, towels and shirts from which slow
dirty tears are falling.

Translated by Robert Bly

Pablo Neruda

If I weep

If I weep, if I come with excuses, my beloved puts cotton wool in his ears.
Every cruelty which he commits becomes him, every cruelty which he commits I endure.
If he accounts me nonexistent, I account his tyranny generosity.

The cure of the ache of my heart is the ache for him; how shall I not surrender my heart to his ache?Only then are glory and respect mine, when his glorious love renders me contemptible.
Only then does the vine of my body become wine, when the wine-presser stamps on me and
spurns me underfoot.

I yield my soul like grapes under the trampling, that my secret heart may make merry,
Though the grapes weep only blood, for I am vexed with this cruelty and tyranny.
He who pounds upon me puts cotton wool in his ears saying, “I do not press unwittingly.
If you disbelieve, you are excusable, but I am the Abu’l Hikam [the expert] in this affair.
When you burst under the labor of my feet, then you will render much thanks to me.”

Jalaluddin Rumi

Lu Apahal?The Story

Pic courtesy of Azrul Helmi http://zforzzz.fotopages.com/

According to the photographer,Mr Azrul Helmi,he could stare at the pic for hours. It's such a lovely piece, don't you think? This picture actually has a special meaning behind it. To read the quotation that gives you a better understanding on the pic, please click at the link given.

It was rather strange. I had a terrible week, yet it was full of interesting things. I owe you guys an apology for not updating on what was the public humiliation is all about.

I happened to go over for a meet the fans session in Sungai Wang Plaza on the weekend with a good friend of mine. The session was held to promote this particular group’s joint ventures with the third party Telco to promote their SMS services.

In the session, it was compulsory for those who want to take pictures or get the autographs to either have the CD or subscribe to the SMS services. The thing is, my friend who brought along her CD had asked whether we could take some pictures with the group before we stepped inside to proceed with our plan. The guy who was in charge at the entrance said ok and only then we went inside. At this point, we already realized that most of the fans who were inside, snapping pictures like hell didn’t have either the cd or wearing the tag that indicated that they are the members of the SMS service. My friend, who is a true fan of this group, was so excited and I let her to pose with them while I would be the photographer. When it came to my turn, suddenly this man out of nowhere came over and scolded my friend.

Pakcik Boroi : This is unfair. You tak jadi ahli (sms service) tapi you ambil gambar. Orang lain yang jadi ahli baru boleh ambik gambar, you tak jadi ahli nak ambik gambar.

I was stunned, kept my cool and stepped back. Adoiii! Just imagine, everybody was just staring at us, including the group. But believe me that Pakcik Boroi had messed with the wrong person. Right after that, I was so full of anger. Let me list down the things that triggered my “amukan syaitan” on that very day:

No member, no picture
Hellooooooooooo, both Pakcik Boroi and I are not blind. The other 30 people inside the shop who were posing maut with that group were not wearing the tag. Even worst, most of them didn’t even bring in the CD. Duhhhhh!

Double Standard
Those sexy ladies were let into the shop to take pictures. Alahai Pakcik! The cemetery already calling up la. People could tell that you are as old as Masjid Negara.. No need to act cool. Please take note that wearing wristband doesn’t make you a hip-hop fan.

Poor management
Bad location + Bad management +Chaos = BAD IMAGE

Ehem!Ehem! So, as a victim of the public humiliation I went to complain to the groupie’s manager about the incident. Below are the extracts from the discussion:

Manager : Those people are corporate people.

Well, I come from the corporate world too. I worked in the entertainment industry before, but the behavior is unacceptable. There were lots in there that didn’t have the CD or member of the SMS services. It was unfair to scold us both only. Next time, please use common sense ye pakcik? Better check the fans at the entrance rather than scolding them when they were already inside.

2. Manager : We are bound to the contract.
I do understand the situation but don’t you have your rights to explain on the crowd and the way to handle them? Which one that scares you the most? Losing your fans that buy your albums no matter how many times you repackage them or the Telco who sponsors you for a yearly contract?

Note: This friend of mine is so fond of this group that she bought every album in CDS and cassettes too.


3. Manager : They (Telco) are new in the entertainment industry
This is not a very good reason I suppose. As a manager, the guy was supposed to advise the Telco on the location, the security and the regulations that needed to be imposed on that day. It’s a crying shame to see the lack of professionalism in the entertainment industry. I suppose that’s the main reason why our entertainment industry stays almost the same after 30 years since we don’t really understand what professionalism really is.

Work

I have a new colleague, Miss Kaypo, who is seated in the other wing. She used to work there before and had a good understanding on the flows. The thing is I couldn’t stand her. Why? Because she keeps bugging me. e.g.:

Eh, why you have the document tracking system? Mine don’t have la.
** Adusss! Pepandai le nak bagi senang keje ko. Apsal le ko nie sangap sangat? Manage jek la department ko tu ikut cara ko. Lantak aku le aku nak manage dept aku camner pun**

Where’s Miss P? Let me know when she’s in.
** Then keep calling every 10 mins. Aku bukan secretary ko**

You tau ke? Tadi si %^*(_ tu cakap %&(_
**Nak buat mesyuarat tingkap pun tunggu le petang2 skit. Time aku kalut, time tu le ko nak gossip**

Eh, you busy ke? Nak I tolong ke?
**Department ko kan ada?Pehal la nak kaypo keje aku nie**

Note : ** aku cakap dalam hati**

She has all the energy to walk over to my place just to complain and gossips about other people. God! I have enough workload and I just don’t care about the office politics. I wish I had the magic wand to make her disappear.

I was supposed to do the database for stationary. Yes! You heard it right, developing database for stationary. I have not used my knowledge in programming for years. Out of the blue I had to juggle this project with 2 other projects together with the daily routines. Don’t blame me if I get cranky! LOL.

I thought I could at least delay the database for the stationary for another week because I have almost completed one of my projects. Alas, Miss Kaypo had ruined everything.

Miss Kaypo : How now? I already passed all the stationeries from my department to yours. Now I want to take some. You already done the inventory or not? What are you doing now? When to start? Difficult la like this. Can take the pen or not?

Miss P : Kekure, have you done the counting? The staff database done or not? When do you want to start counting the stationeries? Difficult la. Cannot order more you know. Over budget already. Have the database better. Can control them from taking so many pens.

Note : I used to have over 10 pens in my drawer. Now I have less than 3.Each time I asked the director to sign my documents when he walks by my place, he would take the pen with him afterwards. Lately, I hang out at others cubicles and end up taking their pens with me. muahahhahahaha.

Kekure : Take whatever you need. Just use the manual form first.

While saying this, I was already walking away from them and went straight to the pantry and helped myself with some cookies muahahhahahha. Came back after 10 minutes they were already gossiping about others.

Bored stiff!

Thank you so much to those who leave their comments in the comment box. Sorry if i don't leave mine in yours. Life is hectic and I don't have time to surf in the office. Usaha tangga kejayaan!

Sity : Have your baby learned to swim?

Syed : How's your new born baby?

Baby : Bleeding lagi ke? Hehehehe

Nana : Sudah la ko. Joned!i Lap u so strong!

Mute : Ko merajuk lagi ke?

Ida : Muacksssssssss!Miss u ever strongly!

Watie : Hawau u?Makan laksa ke?

Stoned : Amacam beb?Bila nak antar chocs kat aku?

Hazera : Tengok wayang free ajak le aku lagi

Nazrul : Lu apa cite beb?

Megat : Series!aku rindu jerome lebih dari aku rendo ko. Uwaaaaaaaaaaa!

Eka : Amacam keje beb?Bila nak belanja gaji pertama?

Lu Apahal?

I am so p***** off today. PERGI JANAMLAH LU!

Will write about the public humiliation after I come back from my hometown.

Lost Realist

The Happiest Day-The Happiest Hour

The happiest day- the happiest hour
My sear'd and blighted heart hath known,
The highest hope of pride and power,
I feel hath flown.

Of power! said I? yes! such I ween;
But they have vanish'd long, alas!
The visions of my youth have been-
But let them pass.

And, pride, what have I now with thee?
Another brow may even inherit
The venom thou hast pour'd on me
Be still, my spirit!

The happiest day- the happiest hour
Mine eyes shall see- have ever seen,
The brightest glance of pride and power,
I feel- have been:

But were that hope of pride and power
Now offer'd with the pain
Even then I felt- that brightest hour
I would not live again:

For on its wing was dark alloy,
And, as it flutter'd- fell
An essence- powerful to destroy
A soul that knew it well.

Edgar Allan Poe

It was a tiring week. Shocking news, a very long journey and Janji joni for the third time. Yes, you heard me right. Janji Joni for the third time. Credits to Ida for giving the movie pass for Janji Joni ;)

When all is said and done

I received not so shocking news this week. Most people thought that I’d either cry till my eyes bleed (literally), run to the nearest body shop to shop (would love to do this but am damn broke), watch my best friend’s wedding until my vcd player smokes up or hibernate for months.

I should thank these two persons for making my days:

1) Faye for agreeing to “mandi bunga” with all the flowers from Cameron Highlands.
2) My fave companion who had seen this coming long before. Thus I was mentally prepared way before I received the news.

Betty as always was worried about me. I told her not to be worried. I could be as calm as the sea. It’s interesting to see how people drop the bomb to the person that they thought as the most fragile thing in the whole wide world.

Books!Books!Books!

Been spending the last 3 weeks reading Falling Sideways by Tom Holt. It’s hilarious and highly recommended for those who like Brits Humors. Not suitable for those who allergic to frog.

Have bought the original illustrated Sherlock Holmes too. But this one might take a very long time to finish. Not only because it is very thick and fragile (you could use the book to kill the cockroaches) but also because I don’t read much at home. I usually read my books during lunch hour, in the LRT, at the LRT stations or while waiting for friends.

Am so excited to read the book that Habri bought for me when he was in Jakarta last week. Hopefully, he’ll find the time to finish it soon!

Does it pay to be kind?

Had an interesting conversation with Nana today. We talked about is it worth it for us to ever be so kind towards our friends. From my experience, in many circumstances people had always been taking advantages through my kindness. It really is difficult at times to accept the fact that people could have done that to you.

A few people had proved to me that my kindness could kills. Will I learnt my lesson soon? Might be! Will I stop being kind? Never!

If I were to die tonight

I will let my favourite someone knows how much he means to me. I’d recite him this poem :

Your Laughter

Take bread away from me, if you wish,
take air away, but
do not take from me your laughter.

Do not take away the rose,
the lance flower that you pluck,
the water that suddenly
bursts forth in joy,
the sudden wave
of silver born in you.

My struggle is harsh and I come back
with eyes tired
at times from having seen
the unchanging earth,
but when your laughter enters
it rises to the sky seeking me
and it opens for me all
the doors of life.

My love, in the darkest
hour your laughter
opens, and if suddenly
you see my blood staining
the stones of the street,
laugh, because your laughter
will be for my hands
like a fresh sword.

Next to the sea in the autumn,
your laughter must raise
its foamy cascade,and in the spring, love,
I want your laughter like
the flower I was waiting for,
the blue flower, the rose
of my echoing country.

Laugh at the night,
at the day, at the moon,
laugh at the twisted
streets of the island,
laugh at this clumsy
boy who loves you,
but when I open
my eyes and close them,
when my steps go,
when my steps return,deny me bread, air,
light, spring,but never your laughter
for I would die.

Pablo Neruda

I might not get to finish the poem as it would be possible that he falls asleep or he would stop me from reciting it. There would be a higher percentage of me being nagged all day long for having the silly idea of wasting my last hours doing all these things. It doesn’t matter what he’s going to say since it won’t make any difference. I won’t care a bit about his response on the verge of my death. I’ll definitely be on the other side while he would have to cope with my death and the words that I have uttered before. He might have depression afterwards and have to see the shrink daily. I am pathetic, am I? LOL

I’d type the longest email ever and send it to Macca. In it, I will let him know that I don’t hold any grudges against him. I might as well leave my vcd/dvd/cd collections to him, depending on my sanity at that very moment. I shall then give him a call and demand him to confess that United is the best team in the whole universe and tell him to wear United’s jersey to work. Nobody would dare to let down any dying souls wouldn’t they?

I shall give all my books to my nephews and nieces. They’ll love it!
**Note to self:
1) blanco all the steamy parts!!!
2) explain to Angah that I don’t read dinasours books because it’s so uncool of me to read them. I only read the dinasours books to them but not to myself.
3) reading horror novels doesn’t make you any braver
4) advise Along not to button up his shirts up to his neck. He might end up being a geek when he grows up. God Forbid!

I will have one last meal with all the people that care to turn out at my farewell party. Friends new and old ones, Shamser Sindhu (drooling), Nicholas Saputra (dying to meet him in person) and Brad Pitt (this would be my last wish LOL) to have a drink with me. I might ask Brandon Boyd to sing me some songs too. It’d be party of the year then. Anuar Zain might offer to sing at the party for free. Jimmy Choo would send me a pair of kitten heels to wear so that I won’t die with my eyes open because I never got the chance to wear his collections in my entire life.Hey! Maybe I should sell the tickets to my party! Any takers?

I should tell mom that I love her cooking so much. I shall ask her to stop cooking for Gebob and Kojeh. It would be unfair of her to cook for them while I won’t be able to taste them anymore. Selfish?Hell I am!!

I might give my shirts to Kak Chik and Kak Yong so they would look retro when they wear them in 10 years. Gosh!They might be the next fashionistas!

Most probably, I’ll write down a movie script and pass it to Visitor so he could direct it with David Teh Cap Lipton and Usop Selam. Mom would be really proud of me.

Definitely, I’ll let everyone knows that I love them all so much. Though I doubt that I get as much as I’ve given out. It’s ok. Good things will come to those who are sincere.

I have to meet my fave companion first, so that I could kick him on the crotch and leave him lying on the roadside while a few wild dogs start to bite his butts. That would make me happy, definitely!

Bye bye baby

I straightly hit the sack after 9pm everyday. Been tired with work. Been tensed.

So long and Have a great life

In the past 10 months, 3 persons have vanished from my life. The first one to take a hike is abah. God knows how I’ve been coping with my lost when out of the blue Macca decided not to be in the picture anymore. While I am still coping with these 2 losses, my fave companion has decided not to be a part of my life.

As a consequence, I am now a bit reluctant to have any close contact with people. At the office, I hang out with my fellow colleagues occasionally. Most of the time, I’d be in my cubicle spending my time with reading and sometimes, I hang out with friends for lunch.


I begin to feel afraid that everybody would leave like these 3 people.Is it weird? Nope. You’ll understand how it feels like to having to experience these losses like me. You'll understand the meaning of being lonely.

Pic of the week

Had a great fun at the party though some people had complained about my failure as AJK MAKAN. Whatever!

This would be one of my fave pics. Might as well print it out and paste it in my cubicle. I found out that DC, the guy who sits in the next cubicle always checks out my drawer. We both are chocoholics and he knows that I always have lots of choc in my drawers. I can’t seem to understand why he likes jelly so much!


Paper Boats

Day by day I float my paper boats one by one down the running stream.

In bid black letters

I write my name on them and the name of the village where I live.

I hope that someone in some strange land will find them and know who I am.

I load my little boats with shiuli flower from our garden,

and hope that these blooms of the dawn will be carried safely to land in the night.

I launch my paper boats and look up into the sky and see the little clouds setting thee white bulging sails.

I know not what playmate of mine in the sky sends them down the air to race with my boats!

When night comes I bury my face in my arms and dream that mypaper boats float on and on under the midnight stars.

The fairies of sleep are sailing in them, and the lading ins their baskets full of dreams.

Sir Rabindranath Tagore

Sebagai peserta kempen belog dalam bahasa malaysia yang di anjurkan oleh eyeris.blogspot.com, saya dengan rasa rendah diri mempersembahkan hasil tulisan saya buat pertama kali di dalam bahasa malaysia bersempena dengan sambutan hari kemerdekaan ke 48.

Sebagai seorang wanita yang baru sahaja menyambut hari wanita dan kini menyambut hari kemerdekaan pula, saya fikir wanita sebenarnya masih belum merdeka dalam erti kata sebenar.

Benar,wanita boleh melakukan apa sahaja yang lelaki lakukan kini.Tetapi merdekakah wanita bila mereka masih di nilai dari paras rupa dan bukannya kebolehan dan kelayakan masing-masing?Sedarkah anda bahawa lelaki yang tidak mempunyai paras rupa dan boleh di kategorikan sebagai muka pecah pintu masih boleh mendapat pekerjaan sebagai seorang eksekutif dengan gaji kasar sebanyak RM 2,500?Jika anda adalah seorang wanita,anda akan di nilai dari paras rupa dan kepandaian anda untuk mengambil hati bos dan rakan sekerja serta ciri-ciri lain yang merangkumi 70% dari sebab musabab kenapa anda boleh di ambil bekerja di sesuatu syarikat.

Kenapakah tulisan saya berbaur kemarahan?Saya sudah muak menjadi mangsa di zaman kemerdekaan.Saya merupakan seorang yg bermuka pecah pintu dan sering membuat kerja bagi pihak wanita yang mempunyai paras rupa yang menarik tetapi tidak berkebolehan dalam melaksanakan tugasan yang telah di berikan oleh pihak syarikat kepadanya.

Kalau camtu kan ke senang kalau bos dia amik jek aku keje?

Sekian luahan saya di dalam bahasa malaysia.

Terima kasih

Wedding?

The only pic that I ever took in a wedding ceremony



Wedding blues

I broke my rituals! I attended a wedding last Sunday! I could only attend one wedding a year. I am not really fond about the idea of attending any weddings at all. It has nothing to do with my age or my marital status. The thing is, I tend to feel uncomfortable at weddings. People will make comparisons at the very second you go to say hi to the host right to when you walk out to leave the ceremony. The makcik2 especially will list out who has the best clothes, the best car, the best job etc.

Apart from that, I could have a very low-esteem when it comes to eating in wedding. I could be damn hungry but still eat a small portion. I am afraid that the makcik-makcik will say that I eat like a pig! Like last week, I had to get something else to eat after I came back from my cousin’s wedding. LOL

Can you recognize me?

So I went to my cousin’s wedding. Actually I don’t have any ideas on who got married that day. As far as I know, I had to attend the wedding on my family’s behalf and I had to be there by hook or by crook. Mum even called me up at 8am to remind me of the wedding. She was mad since I was still asleep whilst I had to be at the wedding before noon. I assured her that I’d be there before the wedding ended. In fact I got there with a couple of friends right after the bersanding.

I am not that close with my father’s side. I must confess that I barely know his siblings. I even had troubling recognizing my aunt, which was the host of the wedding. I went to see the family after I had my meal. Mind you, my stomach was grumbling like a mad cow and I definitely had to take my lunch before I lost my appetite after hearing them giving a long speech about my family.

I went to see my granny who cried when she saw me. Then I got to see a bunch of aunts and uncles whom never met in my entire life. Suddenly this woman came to me and asked me whether I know her. Oh Man! How could expect that I’d still remember who you are when the last time that we met was 12 years ago? I bluntly answered her: I have no idea, I’m sorry. She was cool about it, lucky me! She is my aunt, one of the persons who accepted mum into the family with open arms 36 years ago.

If we can’t get you, we’re going to get your kid!

I have an aunt who really is the pain in the ass. Till today, I can’t bare to speak to her for more than 5 minutes. Abah knew really well how I couldn’t stand her at all. I could still tolerate with others but not her. In our conversation, well more like a mumbling to me, I found out that her only child is in Faye’s school. I could sense the kid’s hatred towards Faye from the way she talked about Faye.

I straightaway informed Faye to keep a close eye on her so Faye could bully her on our behalf. You don’t know how happy Kojeh and I about our devilish plan. She had bullied my mum throughout her marriage to abah. So that’s the least we could do to seek some revenge for mum. Muahahhahahahaha!

What? Hi-heels?

I was given a pair of hi-heels during a retail therapy session with friend who had been dumped by her 3-years boyfriend. I got to wear them to the wedding, and I swear I felt the earth shaking violently under my feet!

Bonjour Monsieur

I have started a new job.Yeay!V sms-ed me to stop worshipping those French guys. He was afraid that my mind as a typical Malaysians would be subjugated by those hotties.LOL. I had been given a few tasks that need to be done in a month. So I suppose I need to work even harder, to impress my boss and big boss.

The office is so big and there are lots of cubicles. I was lost in it a few times while trying to find the way back to mine. I pretended that I deliberately go there to get to know them and it worked out well. So now you know, never to call and ask me for directions since I have lost my sense of directions. Have you seen it anywhere before?


James Blunt - You're beautiful

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.
You're beautiful.
You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.
You're beautiful.
You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
You're beautiful.
You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

Rainy Sunday

Pic courtesy of Azrul Helmi http://zforzzz.fotopages.com/

XVII (I do not love you...)

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,

or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this:
where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

Pablo Neruda

The beautiful side of somewhere

An apple a day keeps the doctor away

It was a very hot and humid day. I rushed to the dentist to do the scalding and forgot to bring anything else but some money. I was hoping to see my favorite dentist who had been my dentist for quite sometimes. While I was waiting for my turn, I read a month old newspaper, which featured Craig Foong. He as always looked so sharp in the pictures. I was struggling like mad to stop myself from drooling. He would be the perfect candidate to play the role as a lifeguard in any beach movies.

When I went in to see the dentist, I was so shocked to see that it was not my favorite dentist who was on duty. He had been replaced with a monster! He asked me to open out my mouth, as wide as I could. I couldn’t help it but to notice his hairy arms and big tummy. I tried to distract my mind by reading the posters on the wall but to no avail. I kept thinking that it’d be a disaster if the hair on his arms fell into my mouth while he was doing the scalding. Come to think of it, I might gargle with Clorox for a month! I almost choked myself to death whenever I saw the hairy arms moving around my face when suddenly I remembered Craig Foong’s pictures that I saw in the newspaper. I even thought to send a thank you note to the Star writer who wrote the articles on Craig Foong.

As I was about to amuse myself with how vivid my memory was the dentist suddenly moved my head and let it rest on his tummy. Just imagine how painful it was at that time?I had to endure the pain of scalding while my head moved up and down as the dentist breathed in and out. Oh my dear friend, this was definitely the worst trip ever to the dentist. What had I done that made me deserved all these? Did I kick a cat that morning? Did I spit on mom’s roses? Did I wear my shirt inside out? Well, none of it obviously.

I prayed hard that the whole thing would be done in 5minutes. To make things worst, I had to argue with him so that he’d polished my teeth. Seriously, I need to find myself a new dentist!

Popcorn!

I went to watch Ungu Violet twice! Nana and I went to watch it on the first day of its screenings and the second time was with Mustlyana who wanted to watch it badly today. luckily I was not thrown out of the theatre since we both kept giggling and fooling around. Not forget to mention that we both were seated right infront of the screen!

I shall agree with most of the movie buffs: this movie certainly has a good cinematography but a weak storyline. Rizky Hanggono as Lando definitely reminds me of my fave someone. Emotionless but warmth sometimes!

Down memory lane

I read some of the emails that I sent to Macca. I realized that he had done the thing that I told him to do long before. I told him that I wished he’d say good-bye so I could get on with my life. That was what he did. I am glad in a way that he is not a part of my life any more. Did I curse him before with my limited cursing vocabulary? Yes, I did. But now, I hope that everything works out fine for him.

Fix You - Coldplay


When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
High up above or down below when you too in love to let it go
If you never try you'll never know
Just what your worth
Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears streaming down your face and I
Tears stream down your face
I promise you
I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face and I
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

untitled

"Pieces"

I tried to be perfect

But nothing was worth it

I don’t believe it makes me real

I thought it’d be easy

But no one believes me

I meant all the things I said

If you believe it’s in my soul

I’d say all the words that I know

Just to see if it would show

That I’m trying to let you know

That I’m better off on my own

This place is so empty

My thoughts are so tempting

I don’t know how it got so bad

Sometimes it’s so crazy

That nothing can save me

But it’s the only thing that I have

If you believe it’s in my soul

I’d say all the words that I know

Just to see if it would show

That I’m trying to let you know

That I’m better off on my own

On my own

I tried to be perfect

It just wasn’t worth it

Nothing could ever be so wrong

It’s hard to believe me

It never gets easy

I guess I knew that all along

If you believe it’s in my soul

I’d say all the words that I know

Just to see if it would show

That I’m trying to let you know

That I’m better off on my own

From the bottom of my broken heart

It’s no use crying over spilt milk

It was a very depressing slumber party. I managed to avoid talking about their break up by watching IT. It felt like my eyes were glued to the screen. It really is stressful to think about how she’s going to cope living without him.

She started asking me to ask her ex to join us for lunch. I totally ignored her plan. How could I make her see that this is not the right way to deal with the break up? She started to cry after that. Luckily, the tears meant nothing. I let her cried all her might but no I don’t want to be involved in the crying game.

He on the other hand, is happy to go on living. Keep the new lover aside; we can clearly see that he has a lot of reasons to live. Why does it matter if he changed? What if he changed for the good? Who are we to judge him?

I don’t know for how long is she going to live like this. Once she wakes up she’ll start crying as if she doesn’t want to wake up anymore. The day is not as beautiful as it used to be and the roses are not as sweet as they supposed to be.
Is it worth it to waste your valuable life longing for someone who dumped you because he thinks that you are not worth of his love?

Was it my fault if I am ugly?

I was at KLCC again today, this time around with Nana. We tried to get a cab but to no avail. I lost my temper because of the incidents that I listed below and yes I too was surprised to learn that I needed lots of incidents before I really got angry.

1)Queue

Would it matters if we cut the queues? Yes it is. For me, it means a lot. You show that you acknowledge the people before you has queued up long before you got there. Unfortunately, in lots of cases people just don’t care about this anymore. I was waving like mad to stop a taxi when suddenly a group of people rushed to the taxi that stopped for me. I felt disgusted and almost threw up. I thanked god that I didn’t really threw up at that time. The sight of a young lady covered with her vomit is not a very pleasant sight, especially if it happens right in front of KLCC. What if it really did happen? I’ll definitely avoid that place for 5 years, let alone to drive along Jalan Ampang.

In another incident, I tried to hail the taxi but then the taxi driver stopped to pick up some tourists that queued up after me. The tourists told the taxi driver that we got there before them. Still, the taxi driver insisted to take them instead of us. Was I mad? Yes. But it was still not enough for me to start cursing.

2)Hey beautiful

In my limited cursing vocabulary i.e. your underwear smell like cow dunk, I had started cursing right after this incident. There was a pretty girl who cut our queue. She managed to hail a few taxi compared to us who had been queuing for a while but none of the taxi stopped for us.

Upon seeing this I lost my temper. Is there any significant proves that one must have a good look to hail a cab? In that case, all the ugly ducklings should stick to the smelly metro buses and LRT since it is impossible for them to hail a cab. It would bring a lot of hazards to taxi drivers. For instance, the taxi driver would have to drive as fast as he could since he couldn’t stand the thought of having some ugly creatures in the back seat. As a result, he slams his car onto the divider. What about those taxi drivers who puke out whenever they see the ugly ducklings queuing up on the side of the road waiting for taxis?

Glade would make a hell lot of money. The air freshener business as well as the car wash would have customers’ non-stop. It’ll contribute a lot to the Malaysia’s economy. Come to think of it those small businesses like Ah V’s car wash would make millions, just like the AP’s holders.

How’s your job

Well, I quit my job. No, I’m not proud of it. I went for dinner in KLCC and I was really late to go back to work. So I decided that this is it. I don’t want to be stuck with the scripts anymore. Then I went home, watched TV and started to enjoy my joblessness. Again!

What’s next?

Somebody that I just knew asks me: What do you really want to do? Have I the answer? Affirmatively no.

Love

What's wrong with you, with us, what's happening to us?

Ah our love is a harsh cord that binds us wounding us and if we want to leave our wound,

to separate,

it makes a new knot for us and condemns us to drain our blood and burn together.

What's wrong with you?

I look at you and I find nothing in you but two eyes like all eyes,

a mouth lost among a thousand mouths that I have kissed,

more beautiful,

a body just like those that have slipped beneath my body without leaving any memory.

And how empty you went through the world like a wheat-colored jar without air,

without sound, without substance!

I vainly sought in you depth for my arms that dig,

without cease, beneath the earth: beneath your skin,

beneath your eyes,

nothing,

beneath your double breast scarcely raised a current of crystalline order that does not know why it flows singing.

Why, why, why, my love, why?

Pablo Neruda

Too much love wasted

Hot and sunny Monday morning

It is 9.15am.I woke up early this morning. Fried some chicks, went into the room to choose what shirt to wear to work and voila, my chicks got burnt. An exciting kick-start to my day!

I’ve been spending the last 3 days listening to a couple of broken hearts. Both are my good friends and now they embarked on a journey to separate destinations.

The girl is still coping with the breakup. She got too comfy with him being around. Now, she is lost without him.

The boy? He found someone new and he puzzles me. A lot.

I am actually torn in between. I can’t justify myself.

What am I to do? Nothing. I am too numb to think about it.