Recapitulate

It’s 2am and I am still wide awake as if I had been drinking from the fountain of latte.

My body is sore, my soul is weary and the throbbing in my heel is almost unbearable.

What does it mean to be me if there is no disaster for a day?

I lost balance while painting a wall and my left foot landed on a plug that was facing up.

There gone some of my skin, a few milliliters of blood and walking around like a handicapped for the rest of the day.

That was the price to pay to make someone happy.

The smile that I got was priceless I guess.

At 8.30am I am scheduled to attend my orientation at the new company.

God knows I’d kill so that I don’t have to attend it.

Not that I don’t want to but I’m afraid that my heel would be aching and surrounded by strangers would make me choke.

I believe that I am now socially retarded.

9 days in the new office I still haven’t make friends with any one from the department.

It’s not that I’m not welcomed but I just don’t feel like hanging out with them.

I was so comfortable at the old company where I knew just about anyone and without any intentions to brag I knew almost everything.

It’s a long and winding road but I believe that such things would take time; especially after all that I have went through.

It’s been 4 years since I last had a permanent position.

I feel awkward knowing that there’s no contract duration.

I am terrified to know that I am duty bound to do my work for as long as I can handle it.

But after giving much thought on the benefits and the solitary that made me changed my career then I believe that from now on I need strong nerves!

I am not saying that it’s unpleasant to work here but knowing myself lots of catastrophe could happen.

Last raya marked the 4^th year of abah not being here with me in this cruel world.

Mak was mad knowing that I decided not to visit the graveyard.

I told her 3 cemeteries to visit in 1 day would leave me feel dreadful all day long.

Raya was no fun at all but time was well spent with watching dvds and completed dozens of missions in GTA and defeated worms in worms 4.

October also marked the date when I moved away from Penang to KL.

5 years in KL but nothing seems to change in me.

Don’t let me start on the downside of being me but let’s just say that I know myself and perhaps a lot of things need to be done for me to change.

All in all I believe there is nothing to look forward to in 2009.

Not having the intention of planning a life is like sitting on the porch with friends, just shooting the breeze.

We Never Change - Coldplay

I wanna live life, never be cruel,
I wanna live life, be good to you.

I wanna fly, never come down,
And live my life,
And have friends around.

We never change, do we?
We never learned to leave,
So I wanna live in a wooden house,
I wanna live life, always be true,
I wanna live life, and be good to you,
I wanna fly, and never come down,
And I live my life, and have friends around.

We never change do we? No, no,
We never learned to bleed,
So I wanna live in a wooden house,
Making more friends would be easy.

O I don't have a show to say,
Yes, and I sing of a single day,
We never change do we?
We never learned to leave.

So, I wanna live life in a wooden house,
Making more friends would be easy,
I wanna live where the sun comes out