No updates whatsoever for a few months. It’s not that I have writer’s block (as if I write that much hoho) but I just don’t have the energy anymore. I am emotionally drained, my body sore from lack of sleep and of course lack of exercise, last but not least because I have nothing else to do but to finish off my downloaded movies and soap operas! Well, blame it on the ADSL in the office.
I haven’t bitch about work for quite sometimes now. Well, I love my work. I don’t have any subordinates which mean I have full control on lots of things. The best thing of all is that my bosses don’t really know what I do unless I update them on meetings that I attend or forwarded those emails sent to me. Heaven? Indeed it is! Apart from having to seat next to the Director who is addicted to Facebook.
I don’t communicate much with my colleagues because I loathe quite a few of them. It could either because they are bimboish, talk cock or definitely pain in the ass. Little Miss Sunshine, who is now my colleague, asked me the other day whether I feel isolated by the rest of the team since I only communicate with less than 10 people. It occurred to me that I don’t give a fig except occasionally it irritates me when quite a few people ignore my emails as if I don’t really exist. My devil-my-care attitudes definitely make my life easier lately if I may say so.
Having Little Miss Sunshine around the office make office hour bearable or I should say livable to say the least. But it slowly and surely it has affected our communication. Little Miss Sunshine pointed out that I have lost my integrity (I don’t really know which one that he means my artistic/professional standard or having strong principles) and being insecure (I wonder if it has something to do with my fashion sense). Whatever it is I know that I’m not being myself lately.
Eventually people will change. One thing for sure I could never hate Little Miss Sunshine and that is why I hope that Little Miss Sunshine will hate me for various reasons that it may be because I think it will make it easier for me to pack my bag and get on with my life. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me they say. It was proven wrong last night. After all this while my words have finally hurt Little Miss Sunshine so much thus the silent treatment. Stupid jokes on durian made Little Miss Sunshine gnashing his teeth. Today, I woke up to silence. I hate it. It feels like my soul is dead. I wish I am strong enough to swallow the fact that there will never be us. Before the time comes, I would just seize the moment and make the best out of it. I believe in karma, I really do.
I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
Cause no one else cared
After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving
When I'm done here
So if you're asking me
I want you to know
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
And don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
Don't be afraid
I've taken my beating
I've shared what I made
I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
But neither have you
So if you're asking me
I want you to know
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
Forgetting
All the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well
Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
Forgetting
All the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well
Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are
I can't be who you are
