Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Sehari dalam Hidup Saya



Isnin


Pagi


Aku bangun awal di pagi Isnin. Kejayaan yang boleh di samakan dengan kejayaan mereka yang menganiaya Sarah Palin dengan panggilan hangit kononnya daripada Presiden Perancis.

Ya, aku bangga dengan diri aku yang bersemangat pergi kerja,lagaknya seperti buang tabiat.

Malah aku sempat singgah beli karipap 3 biji sehengget yang mana saiz karipap itu adalah sebesar botol yakult dan lebih banyak tepung dari inti.


Aku hampir membelasah seorang pakcik kekwat dengan food thong kerana dia memilih-milih karipap untuk mendapatkan karipap bersaiz besar sedangkan jelas dan nyata bahawa makcik jual kuih tu dah tetapkan standard iso 9001 yang karipapnya mestilah sebesar botol yakult, tak lebih tak kurang.

Aku sampai di opis pada jam 8.40 pagi, itu pun sebab jem kat taman desa. Tapi takpe, sempat aku makan karipap dan jus epal cap joy dalam kereta supaya aku joy sepanjang hari.


Ada kurang daripada 5 orang ahli pasukan aku yang ada di opis ketika aku tiba.

Sengalnya aku datang awal pada hari yang tak sepatutnya.

Rupa-rupanya boss aku cuti.

Rugi aku tak add boss aku dalam facebook, kalau tak mesti aku boleh nampak status dia “I’m having a fun time with family” or something to that extend.

Tapi itu tidak memusnahkan hari aku setakat tengah hari kerana aku dan rakan sebaya dan tak seberapa baya telah pergi brunch dengan hati yang girang kerana ketiadaan bos.


Petang


Laptop opis aku memang di buktikan bagus.

Kalis air. Kalau setakat tertumpahkan milo takde hal. Terjatuh ke lantai?Takpe.Maintain!

Bak kata orang, hard disk still up and running kaedahnya. Tapi kalau ko cucuk Botox atau buat nip and tuck selepas mengaktifkan pengenalan wajah masalah jugak la nak access laptop. Maklumlah struktur wajah dah berubah kaedahnya u’ollz. Terpaksa la call help desk kan?

Entah apa malang, aku dapat laptop yang lembapnya boleh menyebabkan hamba Allah yang amat penyabar hilang kesabaran dan menggigit kuku sambil berbaring di bawah meja kerana kesabaran teruji seperti melihat budak-budak makan apom kaler hijau yang ada kelapa di atasnya semasa bulan puasa layaknya, atau yang selenga akan makan tat telur dengan kadar kunyahan 10 kali dalam 30 saat bersama teh panas macam aku buat selalunya.


Kerja yang boleh siap dalam masa 2 jam boleh jadi 4 jam akibat hang 8 kali, nak buka satu program pun bersamaan dengan jangka masa slot senaman di radio 1.8 lagi, 1,2,3.

Nak masuk maghrib baru aku siap kerja yang boleh siap dalam 2 jam ittew. Ya, rekod pulang lewat pada pukul 7pm buat pertama kalinya di opis baru.


Malam


Telefon aku sekarang sentiasa dalam mod senyap. Aku mengamalkan mod senyap selepas waktu kerja.

Balik rumah baca buku, buat kerja freelance, tidur,bangun dan pergi kerja.

Konon aku nak jadi Edward Norton dalam Fight Club. Cumanya aku tak rela lawan-lawan gittew.

Muka aku yang tak lawa ni tak payahlah nak diburukkan lagi.

Mungkin aku patut buat fight club ala Malaysia – main getah atau teng-teng.

Lebih afdal dan menyemai nilai estetika di kalangan rakyat Malaysia.

Zaman ekonomi meleset kena jimat dan buat aktiviti yang tak payah guna duit, tidur sepanjang hari di hujung minggu atau pergi saja perpustakaan atau bertukar-tukar buku dengan kawan-kawan, duduk diam-diam dan membaca di rumah atau padang depan rumah sambil ushar orang yang jogging.

Sedang aku bagi kucing aku makan,ya aku menunaikan azam aku seperti di status FB aku: nak balik awal sebab nak bagi kucing makan dan aku terasa seperti telefon aku berbunyi ring ring ring, ku angkat ku tanya siapa. Malangnya aku tak sempat nak angkat dan bertanyakan siapa.


Hanjeng sangat sebab telefon aku dalam mod senyap. Ada 2 missed call. Semalam aku tengok cerita Korea, Seducing Mr Perfect. Menurut filem itu, kalau orang menghubungi anda lebih daripada 2 kali kerana anda tidak menjawab pada panggilan pertama maknanya orang tu nak bercakap sangat dengan kita dan kita tak sepatutnya membalas panggilan itu. Motif?Jual Mahal katanya. Aku telefon juga si pemanggil walaupun panggilannya tak cukup 3 kali dan aku tak pandai berjual beli. Math SPM aku fail.


Tujuan pemanggil menghubungi aku ialah untuk pass sampah sarap aku yang aku tinggalkan di rumah dia.

Aku bukan tak mahu pergi ambil, cuma aku romantis orangnya. Suka nostalgia tak tentu fasal. Pembungkus hacks dia belikan pun aku nak simpan dalam scrap book.


Situasi semasa aku dengan pemanggil agak kronik, menjunam seperti Wall Street. Tidak!Jangan sekali-kali samakan ia dengan ekonomi Malaysia. Walaupun bursa saham seluruh dunia membuat terjun tiruk tapi pembesar kita kata takpa, ekonomi kita kuat sebab kita ada kekuatan dalaman (ayat alam perwira) dan rakyat masih cukup makan. Selalu aku cakap benda yang aku tak maksudkan kepada dia. Kadang-kadang sebab nak kawal keadaan, kadang-kadang nak sedapkan hati aku atau dia tapi selalunya sebab aku suka cari gaduh. Motif? Fight club wannabe.


Pemanggil tu cakap aku sukar dijangka dan dia dah tak kenal siapa aku lagi. Dia takut aku akan mendatangkan mudarat kepada dia. Jadi dia fikir lebih baik langkah keselamatan di ambil sebelum aku merogol/meliwat dia dengan batang penyapu, kemudian ambil gambar dia menangis di sudut bilik dan tampal di internet atau aku letak ubat cicak dalam milo dia. Aku tak suka cicak tapi aku belum sampai tahap melastik cicak yang membuat u-turn di siling umah aku fasal aku tak pandai melastik.

Aku cepat-cepat jawab ya aku tunggu kau datang kepadanya untuk menjimatkan kredit aku.


Rutin kami seperti biasa.Too much of no sound makes me a bored rabbit.

Supper di gerai milo ais sedap di mana pembancuh airnya adalah mamat Kelantan cute dengan dialek daerah pekat (bukan aku sorang je rasa dia cute, kawan-kawan aku dari pelbagai sex orientation turut mengakuinya) dan dia telah aku ayat selama 2 tahun tapi tak dapat-dapat. Takpo awe, mek percayo usoho tu tangga kejayae. Dah bergelen-gelen air milo bancuhannya aku minum, kadang-kadang sampai 3 cawan demi mengambil hatinya tapi tiada diskaun pun yang aku dapat.

Perbualan sangat lembap dan aku hampir tertidur. Dia sibuk dengan sms, aku pun begitu.

Tiba-tiba hidung aku kembang kerana pada ketika dan saat yang runcing itu sms bertalu-talu dari rakan-rakan terutamanya topik perbincangan berkaitan kegiatan pengedaran wang palsu di gerai nasik lemak kegemaran aku membuatkan aku rasa di hargai rakan dan taulan.

Dia cerita dia hilang kawan kerana kawannya (dia seorang yang ramai kawan, lebih ramai daripada yang aku ada kerana dia popular dan setakat nak bermain sukaneka 10 orang satu team yang mewakili 4 warna boleh sangat la)telah percayakan fitnah yang di tabur orang tak di kenali.

Kata Saharil dalam tulisannya di dalam Romlah the Untold Stories : Kadang-kadang realiti sebenar terlalu hambar, kita lebih percaya pada pembohongan. Aku tak perlu mengulas sebab itu hal peribadi dia dan kawannya, hanya mereka yang tahu hambar atau tidak realiti mereka. Mungkin kawannya itu berpegang kepada ungkapan Saharil tiada orang tahu semua perkara tentang seseorang.


Tapi aku fikir masa yang berlalu dan kejadian-kejadian yang berlaku sepanjangnya, rasa percaya kepada orang yang kita kenali mungkin menjadi rangup seperti rangupnya kuih sepit dan akhirnya ia menjadi lemau . Selepas sekian lama pertemuan akhirnya terisi dengan suasana senyap seperti malaikat lalu sambil masing-masing memandang hp dan bersms dengan orang lain yang kita fikir lebih wajar diberikan perhatian daripada berbual dengan orang di hadapan kita yang pastinya sudi dan suka meluangkan masa mereka untuk kita. Sepanjang perbualan aku terfikir apakah dia akan sesedih itu jika aku tidak lagi berkawan dengannya. Ia surreal jika aku mengatakan ya kerana nyatanya tidak. Orang macam aku bersepah di tepi kolam pancutan air KLCC.


Sebagai penutup majlis aku serahkan kunci rumahnya sebelum di akhiri dengan dia berlari menuruni tangga rumah pangsa yang busuk ini kerana ketepuan tahap gabannya dengan aku.

Ya, dia fikir aku ‘sakit’ kerana pelbagai sebab. Aku teka dia berkata begitu kerana aku tidak merasakan pekerjaan aku best macam suzuki best, sentiasa fikir yang negatif, tinggal seorang diri di rumah seperti kera sumbang dan tiada hobi vogue macam menjahit dan memasak (aku tak tahu sama ada mengedit dan membuat translasi boleh di kira sebagai hobi sebab aku suka keduanya), mengisi masa dengan buku yang tak berfaedah seperti Dissident Marxism dan Che Guevara seolah-olah aku bakal melancarkan satu revolusi yang maha penting pada abad ini di Pandan Jaya serta berkemungkinan besar berhalusinasi dan mendengar bisikan-bisikan syaitan (sila bayangkan aku seperti Jack Nicholson dalam The Shining yang sedang menaip di lobi hotel sebab rambut aku agak tidak terurus seperti singa paddle pop terutamanya bila bangun pagi) yang bakal melayakkan aku untuk muncul di dalam expose mistik. Akibat daripada permasalahan itu, aku telah membawa bersama kadar ketoksikan yang tidak terbendung hingga melebihi titanium peringkat keempat ke dalam hidupnya Apa yang dia tidak tahu ialah aku sudah tiada perasaan untuk keluar berjumpa sesiapa apatah lagi menghubungi orang dan ajak berjumpa. Apa yang aku buat ialah duduk di rumah dan tunggu saja ajakan orang. Aku faham semua orang ada hidup masing-masing cuma selalunya masa aku lebih lapang akibat daripada ketiadaan aktiviti selain daripada yang tersebut di atas.


Sangka aku mungkin aku akan sangat drama seperti selalu, berlari mengejarnya sambil merayu agar diberi tumpang tengok shin chan dan doraemon di rumahnya Sabtu ni.

Ajaibnya, aku hanya memasang telinga mendengar derap kakinya yang berlari laju menuruni tangga seolah di kejar vampire (Saya suka vampire jahat dalam cite Twilight. Dia sangat kacak dan jahat. Saya fetisy lelaki jahat) dan kemudian menerajang kucing aku yang cuba menyeludup bf no entah ke berapa daripada masuk ke dalam rumah sambil mengunci pintu. Aku tak mahu bersubahat, dosa aku pun dah banyak. Lagipun dia baru beranak bulan lepas. Dia dah dermakan anak-anak dia kat orang. Aku pun tak sempat nak daftar ke JPN anak-anak dia tu. Mudah-mudahan jangan jadi anak gelandangan dan masuk 360 TV3.

Macam penutup Saharil dalam Romlah the Untold Stories- Kita kadang-kadang, perasaan diri sendiri pun kita tidak faham dan tidak tahu membaca.



Katy Perry Mannequin


How do I get

Closer to you

When you keep

It all on mute

How will I know

The right way

To love you

Usually the queen of figuring out

Breaking down a man

Is no work out

But I have no clue

How to get

Through to you

Oh, I wanna hit you

Just to see

If you cry

I keep knocking on wood

Hopin there's

A real boy inside

Cause you're not a man

You're just a mannequin

I wish you could feel

That my love is real

But you're not a man

I wish I could just

Turn you on

Put a battery in

And make you talk

Even pull a string

For you to say anything

But with you

There is no guarantee

Only expired warranty

A bunch

Of broken parts

And I can't seem

To find your heart

Oh, I'm such a fool

I'm such a fool

I'm such a fool

This one's

Outta my hands

I can't put you

Back together again

Cause you're not a man

You're just a Mannequin

I wish you could feel

That my love is real

But you're not a man

You're just a toy

Could you ever be

A real, real boy

Understand

But you're not a man

If the past is a problem

Our future could solve them baby

I could bring you to life

If you'd let me inside baby

It'll hurt,

But in the end you'll be a man

You're not a man

You're just a Mannequin

I wish you could feel

That my love is real

A toy

Could you ever be

A real, real boy

Understand

But you're not a man

You're not a man

You're just a Mannequin

I wish you could feel

That my love is real

But you're not a man

Friday, October 31, 2008

Want to live the life of Riley?




I’m slowly finding my way out from my portentous philosophizing.
If I were a painter I might have stopped painting a bleak picture of my life.
I had a very long lecture this morning on do’s and don’ts with this particular person.
As usual I ended up being the so-called drama queen.
Never speak when your stomach is empty.
Low sugar in blood brings you no good.
You’d ended up having a long-winded speech and fail to focus on conversation.
Don’t be a difficult person and just live life as it is.
Stay away from personal issues its bad for your mental state of mind.
Thing is not getting better in this particular department.
Out of the blue I suddenly feel like I have a super power and could amend lots of things but this one.
It makes me feel like I’m fighting a losing battle.
For some this is the same-o-same-o me.
When will it stop? I asked myself out loud.
No echoes coming back to haunt me.
At least not today.

My Interpretation - Mika

You talk about life, you talk about death,
And everything in between,
Like it's nothing, and the words are easy.
You talk about me, and you talk about you,
And everything I do,
Like it's something, that needs repeating.
I don't need an alibi or for you to realize,
The things we left unsaid,
Are only taking space up in our head.
Make it my fault, win the game
Point the finger, place the blame
It does me up and down,
It doesn't matter now.

'Cause I don't care if I ever talk to you again.
This is not about emotion,
I don't need a reason not to care what you say,
Or what happened in the end.
This is my interpretation,
And it don't, don't make sense.

The first two weeks turn into ten,
I hold my breath and wonder when it'll happen,
Does it really matter?
If half of what you said is true,
And half of what I didn't do could be different,
Would it make it better?
If we forget the things we know.
Would we have somewhere to go?
The only way is down, I can see that now.
It's really not such a sacrifice
And it don't have to make no sense to you at all,
'Cause this is my interpretation, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Reverse Psycho




Bila la Malaysia nak ada iklan camni..
kalau aku yang buat iklan mengundi wajib ada Anuar Zain hehe

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Hari ini sangat indahkan?



In the spirit of Viva La Vida I decided start doing things that I never thought I’d do even if tomorrow is doomsday.

It’s nothing bizarre but I believe in taking one step at a time so I tried foot reflexology with a blind masseuse.

When he first touched my cold barefoot I couldn’t help it but to giggle out loud.

It was so ticklish and I couldn’t help myself.

I tried to control my giggle by biting my lips but to no avail.

After 15 minutes I was more relaxed and it went smooth but once in a while my giggle seemed to find its way out.

45 minutes of good foot massage for RM20, I will definitely go again!

Work wise, nothing is going on just yet.Another day goes by with less percentage of brain cells used.

It really is a beautiful day today don’t you think?

Oh Happy Halloween everyone!


Hari yang cerah - Peterpan


Pagi biar kusendiri
Jangan kau mendekat
Wahai matahari
Dingin hati yang bersedih
Tak begitu tenang
Mulai terabaikan

Hari yang cerah untuk jiwa yang sepi
Begitu terang untuk cinta yang mati
Ah... ku coba bertahan dan tak bisa

Kubu langit kelabuku
Tak begitu luas
Seperti memudar
Kini tak terulang lagi
Di hari yang cerah
Dia telah pergi

Hari yang cerah untuk jiwa yang sepi
Ahh.... ku coba bertahan dan tak bisa
Ahh.... mencoba melawan ku lepas
Hari yang cerah untuk jiwa yang sepi...
Begitu terang untuk cinta yang mati

Ahh... kucoba bertahan dah tak bisa
Ahh... mencoba melawan ku lepas
Semua telah hilang ....
Semua telah

Monday, October 20, 2008

Recapitulate

It’s 2am and I am still wide awake as if I had been drinking from the fountain of latte.

My body is sore, my soul is weary and the throbbing in my heel is almost unbearable.

What does it mean to be me if there is no disaster for a day?

I lost balance while painting a wall and my left foot landed on a plug that was facing up.

There gone some of my skin, a few milliliters of blood and walking around like a handicapped for the rest of the day.

That was the price to pay to make someone happy.

The smile that I got was priceless I guess.

At 8.30am I am scheduled to attend my orientation at the new company.

God knows I’d kill so that I don’t have to attend it.

Not that I don’t want to but I’m afraid that my heel would be aching and surrounded by strangers would make me choke.

I believe that I am now socially retarded.

9 days in the new office I still haven’t make friends with any one from the department.

It’s not that I’m not welcomed but I just don’t feel like hanging out with them.

I was so comfortable at the old company where I knew just about anyone and without any intentions to brag I knew almost everything.

It’s a long and winding road but I believe that such things would take time; especially after all that I have went through.

It’s been 4 years since I last had a permanent position.

I feel awkward knowing that there’s no contract duration.

I am terrified to know that I am duty bound to do my work for as long as I can handle it.

But after giving much thought on the benefits and the solitary that made me changed my career then I believe that from now on I need strong nerves!

I am not saying that it’s unpleasant to work here but knowing myself lots of catastrophe could happen.

Last raya marked the 4th year of abah not being here with me in this cruel world.

Mak was mad knowing that I decided not to visit the graveyard.

I told her 3 cemeteries to visit in 1 day would leave me feel dreadful all day long.

Raya was no fun at all but time was well spent with watching dvds and completed dozens of missions in GTA and defeated worms in worms 4.

October also marked the date when I moved away from Penang to KL.

5 years in KL but nothing seems to change in me.

Don’t let me start on the downside of being me but let’s just say that I know myself and perhaps a lot of things need to be done for me to change.

All in all I believe there is nothing to look forward to in 2009.

Not having the intention of planning a life is like sitting on the porch with friends, just shooting the breeze.


We Never Change - Coldplay


I wanna live life, never be cruel,
I wanna live life, be good to you.

I wanna fly, never come down,
And live my life,
And have friends around.

We never change, do we?
We never learned to leave,
So I wanna live in a wooden house,
I wanna live life, always be true,
I wanna live life, and be good to you,
I wanna fly, and never come down,
And I live my life, and have friends around.

We never change do we? No, no,
We never learned to bleed,
So I wanna live in a wooden house,
Making more friends would be easy.

O I don't have a show to say,
Yes, and I sing of a single day,
We never change do we?
We never learned to leave.

So, I wanna live life in a wooden house,
Making more friends would be easy,
I wanna live where the sun comes out

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Curhat?might be


yes,i am

  • selfish
  • egoistic
  • stubborn
  • big headed
  • letting my world revolves around little miss sunshine
  • not interested to be anyone's friend anymore
  • toxic so please stay away for i will bring more harm that good
  • starting to believe that it's not worth it to trust anyone but yourself

but still,i am
  • ready to give my shoulder for you to cry on
  • living my life as it is
  • optimistic that it's a bright sun shiny day
  • thankful that there are friends who are willing to listen without being judgmental
Linkin Park - by myself

What do I do to ignore them behind me?
Do I follow my instincts blindly?
Do I hide my pride from these bad dreams
And give in to sad thoughts
That are maddening?
Do I sit here and try to stand it?
Or do I try to catch them red-handed?
Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness,
Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness?

Because I can't hold on when I'm stretched so thin
I make the right moves but I'm lost within
I put on my daily facade but then
I just end up getting hurt again
By myself
(Myself)

I ask why
But in my mind I find
I Can't rely on myself
(Myself)
I ask why
But in my mind I find
I Can't rely on myself

I can't hold on
(To what I want when I'm stretched so thin)
It's all too much to take in
I can't hold on
(To anything watching everything spin)
With thoughts of failure sinking in

If I turn my back I'm defenseless
And to go blindly seems senseless
If I hide my pride and let it all go on
Then they'll take from me 'till everything is gone
If I let them go I'll be outrun
But if I try to catch them I'll be outdone
If I'm killed by the questions like a cancer
Then I'll be buried in the silence of the answer
By myself
(Myself)

I ask why
(Myself)
Can't rely on myself
(Myself)
I ask why
But in my mind I find
Can't rely on myself

I can't hold on
(To what I want when I'm stretched so thin)
It's all too much to take in
I can't hold on
(To anything, watching everything spin)
With thoughts of failure sinking in

How do you think
I've lost so much
I'm so afraid (I'm so afraid...)
I'm out of touch
How do you expect (How do you expect)
I will know what to do
When all I know
Is what you tell me to

Don't you KNOW
I can't tell you how to make it GO
No matter what I do, how hard I RUN
I can't seem to convince myself WHY
I'm stuck on the outside

I can't hold on
(To what I want when I'm stretched so thin)
It's all too much to take in
I can't hold on
(To anything, watching everything spin)
With thoughts of failure sinking in

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Bare my heart and soul


No updates whatsoever for a few months. It’s not that I have writer’s block (as if I write that much hoho) but I just don’t have the energy anymore. I am emotionally drained, my body sore from lack of sleep and of course lack of exercise, last but not least because I have nothing else to do but to finish off my downloaded movies and soap operas! Well, blame it on the ADSL in the office.

I haven’t bitch about work for quite sometimes now. Well, I love my work. I don’t have any subordinates which mean I have full control on lots of things. The best thing of all is that my bosses don’t really know what I do unless I update them on meetings that I attend or forwarded those emails sent to me. Heaven? Indeed it is! Apart from having to seat next to the Director who is addicted to Facebook.

I don’t communicate much with my colleagues because I loathe quite a few of them. It could either because they are bimboish, talk cock or definitely pain in the ass. Little Miss Sunshine, who is now my colleague, asked me the other day whether I feel isolated by the rest of the team since I only communicate with less than 10 people. It occurred to me that I don’t give a fig except occasionally it irritates me when quite a few people ignore my emails as if I don’t really exist. My devil-my-care attitudes definitely make my life easier lately if I may say so.

Having Little Miss Sunshine around the office make office hour bearable or I should say livable to say the least. But it slowly and surely it has affected our communication. Little Miss Sunshine pointed out that I have lost my integrity (I don’t really know which one that he means my artistic/professional standard or having strong principles) and being insecure (I wonder if it has something to do with my fashion sense). Whatever it is I know that I’m not being myself lately.

Eventually people will change. One thing for sure I could never hate Little Miss Sunshine and that is why I hope that Little Miss Sunshine will hate me for various reasons that it may be because I think it will make it easier for me to pack my bag and get on with my life. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me they say. It was proven wrong last night. After all this while my words have finally hurt Little Miss Sunshine so much thus the silent treatment. Stupid jokes on durian made Little Miss Sunshine gnashing his teeth. Today, I woke up to silence. I hate it. It feels like my soul is dead. I wish I am strong enough to swallow the fact that there will never be us. Before the time comes, I would just seize the moment and make the best out of it. I believe in karma, I really do.

"Leave Out All The Rest" Linkin Park

I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
Cause no one else cared

After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving
When I'm done here

So if you're asking me
I want you to know


When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed

And don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest


Don't be afraid
I've taken my beating
I've shared what I made

I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
But neither have you

So if you're asking me
I want you to know


When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed

Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest


Forgetting
All the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well

Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are


When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed

Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting
All the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well

Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are
I can't be who you are

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

I hate uolz


Get Set Go - I Hate Everyone


Some stupid chick in the checkout line
Was paying for beer with nickels and dimes
And some old man who clipped coupons
Had argued whenever they wouldn't take one
All I wanted to was buy some cigarettes
But I couldn't take it anymore so I left

I hate everyone

All the people on the street, I hate you all
And the people that I meet, I hate you all
And the people that I know, I hate you all
And the people that I don't, I hate you all
Oh, I hate you all

Some fucking asshole just cut me off
And gave me the finger when I fucking honked
Then he proceeded to put on the brakes
He slammed on the brakes, but I made a mistake
When I climbed out of my van he was waiting
But he was six three and two hundred pounds of Satan

I hate everyone

All the people on the street, I hate you all
And the people that I meet, I hate you all
And the people that I know, I hate you all
And the people that I don't, I hate you all
Oh, I hate you all

I bet you think I'm kidding
But I promise you it's true
I hate most everybody
But most of all I hate
Oh, I hate you

All the people on the street, I hate you all
And the people that I meet, I hate you all
And the people that I know, I hate you all
And the people that I don't, I hate you all
And the people in the east, I hate you all
And the people I hate least, I hate you all
And the people in the west, I hate you all
And the people I like best, I hate you all
Oh, I hate you all

Monday, May 26, 2008

overheard conversation


kakak:adik dah solat?
adik:belum..nanti la dulu
kakak:bila akak solat nanti akak bagitau mak dalam doa akak..makkkk,adik tak nak solat..adik tak nak doakan kesejahteraan mak di syurga..

bila dengar perbualan ini aku teringat abah aku...kesian dia kalau aku tak cukup berdoa untuk kesejahteraan aruah di akhirat

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

What is happiness to you?



All I ever wanted is to spend my time with you

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Hari Ini Aku Poyo



It's 3.48 am and some dogs are barking outside. I stared at the screen wanting to write about how much I love 'ulam' but I couldn't because I don't eat vegetables most of the time unless I go to this one fellow's house that loves vegetables so much. Well at least I just need to pretend how much I love 'ulam' and why consuming it makes me look 15 years younger or at least makes my face look 'tegang macam kompang' or 'tegang sebab sentiasa berwudhu'. Yeah right!

I've been having writer's block for god knows how many days already.Four articles need to be sent out before Thursday and I'll be damned if I don't finish it off in time.

I couldn’t help it but being ‘poyo’ all these while and someone might just vomit when he stumbles into this. Well, maybe not. At times people could easily misunderstood why I could be so in love with this particular someone whilst they are not fully aware how hard it is for me to at least truly love someone who is not a family member.I feel that it's hard to let go but I'm not sure whether it's worth to hang on with.

A few conflicts here and there that adds up to all the mess in my brain makes me wish hard that I have magic wand to smooth things out. Knowing that someone sees me as a psycho doesn't help to boost my morale at time like this.Even watching American Psycho at 3am didn't offer me much solutions except that I feel the urge to doodle on my notebook. Unfortunately I could only draw matchstick man if not it might have become a masterpiece in 20 years. I wish!

Until I am out of my writer’s block, do pray that at least I shall be granted brilliant ideas on what to write about by Thursday!

P/S: decided to be back in telco. Couldn’t help it but the offer is too tempting to resist hahaha!

Patrick Bateman in American Psycho

There are no more barriers to cross. All I have in common with the uncontrollable and the insane, the vicious and the evil, all the mayhem I have caused and my utter indifference toward it I have now surpassed. My pain is constant and sharp and I do not hope for a better world for anyone, in fact I want my pain to be inflicted on others. I want no one to escape, but even after admitting this there is no catharsis, my punishment continues to elude me and I gain no deeper knowledge of myself; no new knowledge can be extracted from my telling. This confession has meant nothing.

Kau Yang Terindah

telah lama kau pergi dariku
telah lama kau tinggalkan aku
dan aku pun masih menunggu
dan aku pun masih menunggu

kau kembali tapi bukan untukku
rasa hati masih tetap untuk mu
salahkah bila hati berharap
dan aku pun masih berharap

kau yang terindah untukku
kau yang terindah untukku
kau yang terindah untukku
kau yang terindah untukku

dan aku masih tetap untukmu
aku masih disini untukmu
rasa hati masih untuk yang terindah

kau yang terindah untukku
kau yang terindah untukku..

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Akan bertumpahnya darah (tajuk takde kene mengene ngan cerita..cuma aku agak suka keganjilan bunyi ayat ini)

After a month working in a new position

  1. Realize that some times solicitors and advocates are stupid moron (o^O)
  2. Kiss the right senior partner’s ass and they’ll come to see you and offer you advice. Hence, bigger chances to get increment after 6 months probation
  3. Translator is not a machine translation. That’s why I couldn’t tell you that hatchet job is “selaran” within 5 seconds.
  4. Check the client that’s paying you for your part time translation work. You might end up doing translation for a casino and when you get the pay you feel doubt about the source and end up feeling stress. Well for me at least.%^*()_+

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Sembang Pagi



1.18 am

Mata aku masih buntang

Patutnya aku mengejar dateline kerja

Tapi macam biasa aku selalu tersasar tujuan

Mana mungkin aku menolak peluang berdiskusi dengan Megat

Dia suka berdiskusi, aku suka berdiskusi

Mungkin kami ditakdirkan suka berdiskusi berdua

Kerana tiada siapa mahu mendengar topik bicara kami

Selalunya mengarut tapi tidak malam ini

Megat kata ada cikgu malas, ada cikgu tak reti banyak benda, ada cikgu sambil lewa

Aku jawab : Abah aku penyabar, dia ikhlas dengan ilmu yang ada

Sebab itu agaknya abah aku saban tahun mengajar kelas pemulihan

Pernah aku menyorok di balik pintu

Memerhatikan abah aku bersama murid-muridnya

Abah tidak suka mengajar aku

Dia fikir aku degil dan dia terkadang hilang sabar apabila mengajar aku

Mat Isa, cuba eja johan...

J-i-b-u-n..J-o-h-a-n cikgu

Salah Mat Isa..cuba tengok betul-betul

Saya tak tau cikgu

Pelan-pelan cuba lagi sampai dapat

Aku sudah menyumpah di belakang pintu

Aduh!bengapnya Mat Isa ni

J-o-h-a-n la Mat Isa jerit aku

Sudahnya aku pulak yang di tempelak abah

Jangan ganggu budak-budak ni!

Aku sedih campur cemburu

Abah aku lagi senang mengajar mereka dari aku!

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Untitled

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford



If you are wondering why Casey Affleck is nominated in the supporting act category for this movie, please watch it ASAP. Though deep down I was hoping that Brad Pitt would be nominated instead but of course I have to accept the fact that Casey Affleck deserves it.(plastic sangat kan?hahah). Towards the end of the movie I was reminded yet again why I love Brad Pitt in 12 Monkeys. Wacko! Another movie about betrayal and trust that is beautifully written. I must warn you that it’s kind of slow and not for those who love fast moving and full of action kind of movie. This might contain spoiler but what the heck, nobody’s reading anyway lol.

My favourite scene is when Jesse James (Brad Pitt) says to Robert Ford (Casey Affleck) while Robert’s brother Charley Ford (Sam Rockwell) is looking at them both : The picture is kind of dirty and Jesse takes chair and stand on it to clean up the picture of a black stallion that hangs on the wall. Jesse then see the reflection on the mirror that Charley has already point his gun at Jesse and he knows that he’s going to die soon. Marvellous!

A beautiful narration from the movie:

He was ashamed of his persiflage, his boasting, his pretensions of courage and ruthlessness; he was sorry about his cold-bloodedness, his dispassion, his inability to express what he now believed was the case- that he truly regretted killing Jesse, that he missed the man as much as anybody and wished his murder hadn't been necessary. Even as he circulated his saloon he knew that the smiles disappeared when he passed by. He received so many menacing letters that he could read them without any reaction except curiosity. He kept to his apartment all day, flipping over playing cards, looking at his destiny in every King and Jack. Edward O'Kelly came up from Bachelor at one P.M. on the 8th. He had no grand scheme. No strategy. No agreement with higher authorities. Nothing but a vague longing for glory, and a generalized wish for revenge against Robert Ford. Edward O'Kelly would be ordered to serve a life sentence in the Colorado Penitentiary for second degree murder. Over seven thousand signatures would eventually be gathered in a petition asking for O'Kelly's release, and in 1902, Governor James B. Ullman would pardon the man. There would be no eulogies for Bob, no photographs of his body would be sold in sundries stores, no people would crowd the streets in the rain to see his funeral cortege, no biographies would be written about him, no children named after him, no one would ever pay twenty-five cents to stand in the rooms he grew up in. The shotgun would ignite, and Ella May would scream, but Robert Ford would only lay on the floor and look at the ceiling, the light going out of his eyes before he could find the right words.

I need fountain of Youth!

It just occurred to me yesterday that I don’t have anymore weekends until I settle my freelance work which is scheduled to wrap in 20 March 2008 which I work simultaneously with other projects. I was putting on my sun block this morning before I went to work and how I suddenly let out a piercing shriek when I realized how terrible my eye bags had become. Maybe I should save up my money for botox or perhaps start having tempeh everyday like one of the MB told the public when asked about rumours of him having botox injected to make him looks 10 years younger. Duh!


Friday, February 15, 2008

This is the life!

Aloha boys and girls

I have abandoned my blog since December and it is such a joy to find the time to write again.

For some reasons, I have been occupied with lots of things lately, both in my permanent and freelance work. At the moment it feels like everything works according to plan but we’ll see how it goes. It’s just February anyway so I suppose it’s better if I leave everything in god’s hand.

Already in my second week in the new position that I thought would be less stressful but actually not.The location is far from my place but quite convenient to get there. I have no boss (yeayyyyyyy!) and no colleagues, but supervised by a senior partner than I only see once a week if he wants to give me special instructions i.e translating 42 pages of affidavit in 4 hours. Ampeh betol! As punctuality is listed at the fourth paragraph in my offer letter, of course I feel nervous if I reach Bangsar LRT station at 8am.Second week in the company and I already got 1 red dot in my punch card. Bleurghhhhh!Yes, we have punch card here in the company as well as a tea lady who serves drinks twice a day. Once, she came over to my place and offered me coffee and I politely said no because I bought some juice and brought it to work. Guess what? In the afternoon she didn’t offer me anymore drink. Lesson learnt so every time she offers I just accept it hahahaha.

I briefly have contacts with people in my position now. But when I do something funny would happen. As some one very dear said to me I am Diva Dizaz (Disaster). Luckily this time it wasn’t me that was disastrous.

Legally blonde : Hi Kak..(Kak?Aiyoh keji tau ko nie)

Kekure : Hey there.

Legally blonde : I’m the pupil. My name is Miss XXXX

Kekure : I’m the translator. You can call me XXXX. Nice to meet you Miss XXXX

Legally blonde : Same here. Any ways are you busy now?

Kekure : Yeah. Got dateline in one hour. Senior partner wants this document in 1 hour.

Legally blonde : Oh, I got things to be translated too.

Kekure : Is it urgent? Can you wait? You can just leave the documents here and I’ll sort it out after I finish this one(at this point I was already irritated and feeling a bit cranky as the senior’s secretary kept bugging me every half an hour. Nak cepat ko buat sendiri la kan? Huhuhuhu)

Legally blonde : Maybe I can use the pc in next cubicle and I just ask you directly if I have any questions?

Kekure : Sure. I’m cool with that. (Apa-apa jek la labu..aku dah malas nak layan ko)

After 2 minutes

Legally blonde : Aka (you can tell what race is it with this word. Sorry, it might offend someone)

Kekure : Yeap. What’s the problem?

Legally blonde : The monitor is blank (please read in bimbo tone)

Kekure : Have you switched it on?

Legally blonde : Yes I did. Can you come over and see what seems to be the problem.

Kekure then reluctantly got up and walked to next cubicle to save legally blonde from doom.

Legally blonde : See, told you that the pc is not working.

Kekure : Yes it’s not working because you didn’t push the on button dear! (She just switched on the onitor but not the CPU for god sake!)

This one happened to my colleague that works in It dept.

Legally blonde : My computer got virus one. When I type only gibberish will come out. See?

(At this point legally blonde was demonstrating it to my colleague)

IT : Oh ok. Can you move aside so I can check it out?

Legally blonde : Sure. Have a seat. (got up and brought her book along)

IT : It’s ok now. You can use the laptop. No problem at all it seems.

Legally blonde : Eh, how come ah? Just now when I type type only gibberish what?

IT : Oh that one? Of course la kan? Because your book was on the keyboard so just now you have removed it kan? The book was pressuring the keyboard lah.

Legally blonde : Oh ya ka?

Untuk sahabat-sahabat yang masih bersamaku walaupun aku banyak menyusahkan

Nidji - Arti Sahabat

Tak mudah untuk kita hadapi
Perbedaan yang berarti
Tak mudah untuk kita lewati
Rintangan silih berganti

Kau masih berdiri
Kita masih di sini
Tunjukkan pada dunia
Arti sahabat

Kau teman sejati
Kita teman sejati
Hadapilan dunia
Genggam tanganku

Tak mudah untuk kita sadari
Saling mendengarkan hati
Tak mudah untuk kita pahami
Berbagi rasa di hati

Kau adalah..
Tempatku membagi kisahku
Kau sempurna
Jadi bagian hidupku
Apapun kekuranganmu