Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Kekure on:

The Lover Asks Forgiveness Because Of His Many Moods

IF this importunate heart trouble your peace
With words lighter than air,
Or hopes that in mere hoping flicker and cease;
Crumple the rose in your hair;
And cover your lips with odorous twilight and say,
'O Hearts of wind-blown flame!
O Winds, older than changing of night and day,
That murmuring and longing came
From marble cities loud with tabors of old
In dove-grey faery lands;
From battle-banners,
fold upon purple fold,
Queens wrought with glimmering hands;
That saw young Niamh hover with love-lorn face
Above the wandering tide;
And lingered in the hidden desolate place
Where the last Phoenix died,
And wrapped the flames above his holy head;
And still murmur and long:
O piteous Hearts, changing till change be dead
In a tumultuous song':
And cover the pale blossoms of your breast
With your dim heavy hair,
And trouble with a sigh for all things longing for rest
The odorous twilight there.

William Butler Yeats


I almost got myself into depression when mom forgot to wish me happy birthday. As I was having my birthday dinner, at last I got the sms from her wishing me happy birthday. Although it seemed like she was somewhat forgotten about my real age still I was the happiest camper around. LOL.Kojeh sms-ed her birthday wish today. For god sake, it was 5 days ago! Well at least she remembered.


The Five People You Meet in Heaven. What could I say? Live our life to the fullest! One needs to read the book in order to understand why do we meet five people in heaven. If I were the writer, I might as well make it 25 people instead of 5 because I know a lot of people and they are somehow have impacts on my life. The book shall be more than one thousand pages and could also be used as doorstopper and other things deemed suitable.

I am currently reading The Curious Incident of The Dog In The Night-Time. It’s hilarious and intelligent but full of empathy. I just bought ‘Tis (Frank McCourt) and Good Omens (Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett) for my reading while accompanying mom during her operation next week. I suppose I’d have a lot of time to kill and hopefully I could finish these 2 books without any distractions from the cute doctors around the hospital.LOL. Perhaps I’d try to memorize a few paragraph of Neruda’s poem from Ode to common things. Well, I never tried it before maybe I should give it a shot just for the fun of it!


I watched Harry Potter twice! I almost watch it for the 3rd time but I kept spending lots of time in the office and I have totally forgotten about my attempt to watch it for the 3rd time and set myself a new record. It was such a shame that Cedric Diggory had to die or I would have watched the movie for 2 weeks in a row!

Chicken Little was adorable. I do believe that there’d be quite a few people who would stop eating chicken for a couple of days after seeing the movie. KFC might have suffered a bit if their sales happened to drop for a few percents during the Chicken Little screenings around the world. I like all the songs in it but still I hope that the movie would have longer time duration. The idea of having Chicken Little to fall in love with the ugly duckling was quite cute but not convincing enough.LOL.

Friday, November 25, 2005

Ode to George Best

George Best (1946-2005)
Nothing But Death

There are cemeteries that are lonely,
graves full of bones that do not make a sound,
the heart moving through a tunnel,
in it darkness, darkness, darkness,
like a shipwreck we die going into ourselves,
as though we were drowning inside our hearts,
as though we lived falling out of the skin into the soul.

And there are corpses,
feet made of cold and sticky clay,
death is inside the bones,
like a barking where there are no dogs,
coming out from bells somewhere,
from graves somewhere,
growing in the damp air like tears of rain.

Sometimes I see alone
coffins under sail,
embarking with the pale dead,
with women that have dead hair,
with bakers who are as white as angels,
and pensive young girls married to notary publics,
caskets sailing up the vertical river of the dead,
the river of dark purple,
moving upstream with sails filled out by the sound of death,
filled by the sound of death which is silence.

Death arrives among all that sound
like a shoe with no foot in it,
like a suit with no man in it,
comes and knocks, using a ring with no stone in it,
with nofinger in it,comes and shouts with no mouth,
with no tongue, with nothroat.

Nevertheless its steps can be heard
and its clothing makes a hushed sound, like a tree.
I'm not sure, I understand only a little, I can hardly see,
but it seems to me that its singing has the color of damp violets,
of violets that are at home in the earth,
because the face of death is green,
and the look death gives is green,
with the penetrating dampness of a violet leaf
and the somber color of embittered winter.

But death also goes through the world dressed as a broom,
lapping the floor, looking for dead bodies,
death is inside the broom,
the broom is the tongue of death looking for corpses,
it is the needle of death looking for thread.

Death is inside the folding cots:it spends its life sleeping on the slow mattresses,
in the black blankets,
and suddenly breathes out:it blows out a mournful sound that swells the sheets,
and the beds go sailing toward a port
where death is waiting, dressed like an admiral.

Translated by Robert Bly
Pablo Neruda

Thursday, November 24, 2005

It's the time of the year!

This is one cute pic,don't you think so?

Self-Knowledge XVII

And a man said, "Speak to us of Self-Knowledge."
And he answered, saying: Your hearts know in silence the secrets of the days and the nights.
But your ears thirst for the sound of your heart's knowledge.
You would know in words that which you have always know in thought.
You would touch with your fingers the naked body of your dreams.
And it is well you should.
The hidden well-spring of your soul must needs rise and run murmuring to the sea;
And the treasure of your infinite depths would be revealed to your eyes.
But let there be no scales to weigh your unknown treasure;
And seek not the depths of your knowledge with staff or sounding line.
For self is a sea boundless and measureless.
Say not, "I have found the truth,"
but rather, "I have found a truth."
Say not, "I have found the path of the soul."
Say rather, "I have met the soul walking upon my path.
" For the soul walks upon all paths.
The soul walks not upon a line, neither does it grow like a reed.
The soul unfolds itself, like a lotus of countless petals.

Khalil Gibran

I must confess that I am no poet. So I believe that this poem by Khalil Gibran sums up really well what I wish for on my birthday.

Thanks to those who went to the mamak with me, those who called and sms-ed me.You guys really made my day.

Shout out to my sayang, Megat who is now in Labuan. You know I miss you ever strongly LOL. Please come back! We all miss you so much!

What’s up?

I’ve been spending the last two weekends in the office. At last everything was done and I had my 12hours sleep yesterday. I hit the sack at 3pm and suddenly woke up at 8pm. I rushed to take a shower since I thought that I was late to work. I went straight to bed after realizing that I could have another 10 hours sleep and ended up waking up late this morning. Well at least I got the energy to wake up and go to work. Blurgh!

Faye came over to spend her weekend with me. Unfortunately I had to be in the office during the weekends and we ended up spending just a few hours of quality time together. Sorry sister! Bad timing I should say! Still, we managed to watch the red shoes together whereby I fell asleep during the most horrific part of the movie. I beg you guys not to waste your time to watch this movie unless you have amnesia and haven’t sleep for a few months. In that case I shall recommend you to watch the first cd and I put my life on it that you will be in the dreamland in no time!

Today, I was a bit flattered upon knowing that there are a few gossips which merely about my rivalry with the ever so boring women form the other wing. Don’t blame me please we Sagittarians are always being on the limelight, darling. Me being me, I just pretend as if I don’t know anything but only god knows how bored I am with all these silly things. Darn! If I could ever pretend that I love to kiss their ass then maybe these things won’t be happening. Possibly, I should come out with some gossips on my own and start to spread it to the kaypochi’s of the office and have a good laugh over this. LOL.

I read the newspaper about the sexual orientation amongst Malaysians. It is a very well-known fact that most of the students in the boarding schools as well as the universities students have been having problems on this matter since ages.

It is sad to learn that the government would still want to find the scapegoat to be blamed rather than finding a way to at least curb this from happening. What I remembered from my days in the boarding school, I had no time to socialize let alone finding the time to do all the hanky-panky thingy in the restrooms.LOL.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005


If I weep

If I weep, if I come with excuses, my beloved puts cotton wool in his ears.
Every cruelty which he commits becomes him, every cruelty which he commits I endure.
If he accounts me nonexistent, I account his tyranny generosity.
The cure of the ache of my heart is the ache for him; how shall I not surrender my heart to his ache?
Only then are glory and respect mine, when his glorious love renders me contemptible.
Only then does the vine of my body become wine, when the wine-presser stamps on me and spurns me underfoot.
I yield my soul like grapes under the trampling, that my secret heart may make merry,
Though the grapes weep only blood, for I am vexed with this cruelty and tyranny.
He who pounds upon me puts cotton wool in his ears saying, “I do not press unwittingly.
If you disbelieve, you are excusable, but I am the Abu’l Hikam [the expert] in this affair.
When you burst under the labor of my feet, then you will render much thanks to me.”

Mewlana Jalaluddin Rumi

Friday, November 18, 2005

Life in brief

This should be really brief

1st Anniversary

It’s been a year now. It feels like only yesterday. The whole family could get through it very well now especially mom. I suppose the other family members would have gone to the cemetery to pay their respect to dad. I know it’s a little bit mental but I don’t go to the cemetery. Why? I think maybe because I don’t like the smell of the earth especially after it rains.

Happy Birthday to myself!

I have lost the excitement to celebrate my birthday next week. I usually feel exhilarated a few weeks before and when it is approaching I would slowly loose the excitement and totally forgot about it. The greatest gift that I could have is to have another chance in life.

Despair is a sin

The prophet’s said, “ Despair is a sin:
The grace and benefits of the creator are infinite
You should never despair of such a benefactor;
Hold on with all your strength to the stirrups of God.”
Many miseries are hard to endure at the beginning
But then they are relieved, and their anguish vanishes.
After despair, many hopes flourish, just another darkness
Thousands of suns open and start to shine.
Our duty is to resign ourselves and do what God wills.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

What's love

Only Love Can Explain Love
Jalalludin Rumi

Being a lover shows itself in pain of heart;
No evil is comparable to this pain in the heart.
The suffering of lovers is different from all others;
Love is the astrolabe of the mysteries of God.
Whether love comes from earth or from heaven,
In the end it draws us to the Beloved:
Whatever I say to explain or describe Love
When I arrive at Love itself, I'm ashamed of my words.
The commentary of words can make things clear-
But Love without words has more clarity.
My pen was rushing to write its thought down;
When it came to Love, it broke in two.
In speaking of Love, the intellect is impotent,
Like a donkey trapped in a bog;
Only Love itself can explain Love,
Only Love can explain the destiny of lovers.
The roof of the sun is the sun itself:
If you want proof, don't turn your face away.


Pupus - Dewa

Aku tak mengerti
apa yang kurasa
rindu yang tak pernah
begitu hebatnya
aku mencintaimu
lebih dari yang kau tahu
meski kau takkan pernah tahu
aku persembahkan
hidupku untukmu
telah ku relakan
hatiku padamu
namun kau masih bisu
diam seribu bahasa
dan hati kecilku bicara
baru kusadari
cintaku bertepuk sebelah tangan
kau buat remuk sluruh hatiku
semoga aku akan memahami
sisi hatimu yang beku
semoga akan datang keajaiban
hingga akhirnya kau pun mau

Monday, November 07, 2005

heart sink

It’s been a while since I last updated my blog. My mind kept trying to absorb the idea of me being a disgrace to the Malay race. At first I jumped into the conclusion that those who came out with the statement should either be a racist or have a very limited Malay friends. I didn’t want to enervate my brain so I decided to let the idea out of my mind. I believe that I should use my brain thinking about myself.

Wear my heart on my sleeve

Have you ever need to live with the feeling of yearning for something that would never possibly be yours and that something is right in front of you like forever? Well, I do. If I were in a good mood then I’d think that something would happen in the fullness of time. If not, I’d think that I was such a born loser. I have been having this tormenting feeling for as long as I could remember. It hurts so badly and I could never find a word to describe the pain that I have to endure.

Lately, the pain is somewhere between the pits and the ghastly. If I were to be given an option to end the pain, I’d be gladly to accept it though I’d miss the feeling of longing for the impossible. Alas, it makes me feel more helpless and yet I still believe that hope springs eternal.

Today I spoke to a few persons who have stopped hoping to find their soul mate. Even as I was having the conversation with them, my mind kept thinking about myself. Would I be like them someday or perhaps soon? Hope is like a food to my soul and I can’t survive a single minute without it. What does it feels like not having to long to see a person that you adore? Would it be 100 times better not having to suffer the throbbing pain every time you apart? Would your heart stop to elevate upon knowing that you have no one to crave for? Would your heart stop aching if you see him with someone else?

I consider myself as a skeptical in certain areas, which really annoys a few people who have been struggling to convince myself that there would still be something to look forward too. I believe that my highest gratitude goes to those who never give up on me.

Through Love

Through love bitter things seem sweet.
Through love scraps of copper are turned to gold
Through love dregs taste like clear wine.
Through love agonies are healing balms.
Through love thorns become roses.
Through love vinegar becomes rich wine.
Through love the scaffold becomes a throne.
Through love disaster becomes good fortune.
Through love a prison becomes a rose garden.
Through love burning fire is a fragrant light.
Through love the devil becomes an angel.
Through love stones become soft as butter.
Through love grief is like delight.
Through love demons become servants of God.
Through love stings are like honey.
Through love lions are harmless as mice.
Through love sickness is health.
Through love the dead are resurrected.
Through love the emperor becomes a slave

Jalalludin Rumi - Odes

Leave the Vulture Behind

Discursive Reason’s a vulture, my poor friend:
Its wings beat above a decaying corpse.
The Saint’s Reason is like the wings of Gabriel:
It soars in splendor, from stage to stage,
To rest in the shade of the Tree of Heaven.
It says, “I’m a royal hawk, I’m glorious and abundant,
I’ve nothing to do with a corpse; I’m not a vulture-
Leave the vulture behind and let me be your guide.
Just one of my wings will be of more help to you
Than a hundred thousand vulture in full flight.”

Jalalludin Rumi – Mathnawi

P/s: have been tagged by V ..Let's keep V waiting for this one LOL