heart sink

It’s been a while since I last updated my blog. My mind kept trying to absorb the idea of me being a disgrace to the Malay race. At first I jumped into the conclusion that those who came out with the statement should either be a racist or have a very limited Malay friends. I didn’t want to enervate my brain so I decided to let the idea out of my mind. I believe that I should use my brain thinking about myself.

Wear my heart on my sleeve

Have you ever need to live with the feeling of yearning for something that would never possibly be yours and that something is right in front of you like forever? Well, I do. If I were in a good mood then I’d think that something would happen in the fullness of time. If not, I’d think that I was such a born loser. I have been having this tormenting feeling for as long as I could remember. It hurts so badly and I could never find a word to describe the pain that I have to endure.

Lately, the pain is somewhere between the pits and the ghastly. If I were to be given an option to end the pain, I’d be gladly to accept it though I’d miss the feeling of longing for the impossible. Alas, it makes me feel more helpless and yet I still believe that hope springs eternal.

Today I spoke to a few persons who have stopped hoping to find their soul mate. Even as I was having the conversation with them, my mind kept thinking about myself. Would I be like them someday or perhaps soon? Hope is like a food to my soul and I can’t survive a single minute without it. What does it feels like not having to long to see a person that you adore? Would it be 100 times better not having to suffer the throbbing pain every time you apart? Would your heart stop to elevate upon knowing that you have no one to crave for? Would your heart stop aching if you see him with someone else?

I consider myself as a skeptical in certain areas, which really annoys a few people who have been struggling to convince myself that there would still be something to look forward too. I believe that my highest gratitude goes to those who never give up on me.

Through Love

Through love bitter things seem sweet.
Through love scraps of copper are turned to gold
Through love dregs taste like clear wine.
Through love agonies are healing balms.
Through love thorns become roses.
Through love vinegar becomes rich wine.
Through love the scaffold becomes a throne.
Through love disaster becomes good fortune.
Through love a prison becomes a rose garden.
Through love burning fire is a fragrant light.
Through love the devil becomes an angel.
Through love stones become soft as butter.
Through love grief is like delight.
Through love demons become servants of God.
Through love stings are like honey.
Through love lions are harmless as mice.
Through love sickness is health.
Through love the dead are resurrected.
Through love the emperor becomes a slave

Jalalludin Rumi - Odes

Leave the Vulture Behind

Discursive Reason’s a vulture, my poor friend:
Its wings beat above a decaying corpse.
The Saint’s Reason is like the wings of Gabriel:
It soars in splendor, from stage to stage,
To rest in the shade of the Tree of Heaven.
It says, “I’m a royal hawk, I’m glorious and abundant,
I’ve nothing to do with a corpse; I’m not a vulture-
Leave the vulture behind and let me be your guide.
Just one of my wings will be of more help to you
Than a hundred thousand vulture in full flight.”

Jalalludin Rumi – Mathnawi

P/s: have been tagged by V http://clouded-moon.blogspot.com/ ..Let's keep V waiting for this one LOL