Thursday, June 30, 2005

Consider This

Make every day a special one
For younger you'll not be
Find joy in all the little things
And let your soul be free

Don't yearn for things you cannot have,
For that will spoil life's fun
If you can do this simple thing,
You'll be the lucky one.

For money cannot promise joy
But good health and love do
If you will just consider this
Then joy, will come to you.

Joseph M. Byron

Jump for Joy

Yesterday was one of the days when I had mixed up feelings. It started on well I suppose. I had lunch with some friends from TSC’s. It was really exhilarating, with all the conversations about films and a healthy dose of jokes from Da Boss’s old pal who came to visit her from Japan. The good thing was, I was able to sleep on my worries about my assessment for a while. Who needs to worry about the stupid assessment when one is on top of the world? Thanks to those in the picture for the great lunch, the great jokes and the laughter that we shared.

Do you still remember how your class looks like on the verge of having exams? Well, times that to 100 and you will get the picture on how my other colleagues looked like yesterday. They had their discussions and kept exchanging notes. It came to the point of being annoying when one of the Team Leader that I shall name as Giant, kept going around to check on how everybody was doing. I was not in the mood to revise let alone discussing all the topics with the Giant checking on your knowledge level as if we were about to go for the spelling bee selection.

While we were having a chat after dinner break, Giant again was trying hard to break into my clicks conversation. It was maddening to see him boasting about his past experiences. I was not in the mood to have him as part of our conversation and I pointed out his grammatical errors to provoke his feelings. I was hoping that he would find me irritating and left us alone. He then gave me a dirty look and started on his speech on how good his grammar is compared to mine. If he is so good why couldn’t he differ between past and present tense? Bluweeeeekkkkk. Congratulations Giant, you are now in my top 10 lists of the person that I need to avoid in order to keep my happiness and sanity.

Something to look forward to

Can’t wait to go back home to hang out with my nephews and nieces. We have so many things to catch up.

My fave someone

I can’t bear to hear him coughing endlessly. Get well soon!

It’s a beautiful day

The sun is shining brightly. But still I can’t convince myself that it’s going to be a beautiful day to work especially after I saw the ads on Akademi Fantasia LOL

Sunday, June 26, 2005

It's a beautiful day

I wish I was a beach bum!

Feels just like it should

It was a very strange day indeed. I guess today was one of the day when I felt that I should throw myself to a moving bus, or even a moving LRT. Everything would be better for everybody once I’m gone, I suppose.

Today is the day when I feel like I have wasted 6 months of my life by being jobless and being non-productive. Today is definitely the day when I feel that I exist among the people that I knew just because I exist. Nothing more and nothing less. Could I just not live my life today?

I woke up very late. Once I was up I straightly went to prepare my lunch. After I had my lunch, I was indecisive on whether I should go to my Shorinji Kempo class or not. I got myself ready and ended up watching TV instead. Then I finally made up my mind and I went to the class only to find that I was late. Terribly late! I didn’t enjoy the class at all since most of my partners speak Tagalogs and I couldn’t understand what they were talking about. I got sick and tired with the new student who came together with her boyfriend. Both of them are from Philippines. I kicked her hard on the stomach and she went to tell her boyfriend about it. So they both ended up training with each other and I had to train with both of the Sensei, which means that I would have more bruises than the rest of the class sigh

Right after the class I didn’t wait up to bid farewell to my fave companion and just went straight home. I suddenly felt sad and tears started to flow. I tried so hard not to cry and started to look up to the sky. Out of a sudden, I saw a silver lining. I felt pleased because I knew that I needed to see one.

I love you

I spoke to Betty today for an hour. How delighted I was to be able to speak to her. I know she misses me a lot. Sometimes I do wonder who misses me more; mom or Betty. Still, her love and warmth keeps me going. I remember the day when I went to see her before I left Penang. We both relied on each other very much. I supported her when she was struggling to adapt to the new environment and she had given me lots of moral supports back then and still is.
She is like a therapist. When I am done talking to her I feel such a relieved and am ready to live again. See, I can save lots of money by not going to the therapist but to call her instead.

I want my birthday present, and I want it now.

Been talking to my nephews and niece after my therapy session with Betty. Angah went amok when he knew that I bought Along a birthday present. He didn’t seem t o understand the concept that one needs to wait for his birthday before he can receive a birthday gift. I ended up promising him to buy a new book for his birthday. Kojeh was upset because he didn’t stop crying and as always she put the blame on me.


I had another round of movie screening with the TSC’ers. I ended up going alone since my fave someone had to cancel at the very last minute. Below is my posting from Yasmin’s blog (I am too lazy to write a new one):

What can I say?

I like KES, but not as much liking that I have for Nobody Knows. One thing for sure, though it was made in 1969 but it still as pertinent as the day it was made. Like Nobody Knows, it has lots of unforgettable moments. This film will touch your humanity on several occasions, like when the teacher caned his students and this one little boy who was hiding the cigarettes for his fellow classmates had been caned too. One could weep when they see the tears streaming from his innocent eyes down to his cheek, and his body shaking from nervousness. We can’t help but to think on how cruel the headmaster had been towards his students. The label that he had on them not only frustrating but also could make you feel some rage.

Apart from the PE class bit where the teacher bullying his students, which seems to be a big hit among TSC’ers, I also like the part when Billy, coming from a working class and being prepared for a dead-end work, found his kestrel. He had been let down by the school system finds he can train it, imbibing the bird's dignity and self-belief. By finding the kestrel it only not bringing him some freedom and but also some love and affection.

His hard works gone in the drain when his brother killed Kes out of spite. It feels like your hope and your freedom had been crushed too. If you watch this movie, you can’t help but to feel how shameful it is to watch the movies that we have now. Again it proves the point that budget means nothing


I had a very interesting discussion about Senario with my fellow TSC’ers while hitching a ride with them after the screening. The three of us agreed that Azlee should’ve been kicked out of the group. He has not only been a disgrace to the group but always go overboard in his acting. I guess I can still tolerate with the rest of the group but not him.
I feel nauseas every time I see him in the Shell ads. I think Lan Pet Pet alone would have made a better ad. Better still, I’ rather have Shamser Sindhu running around the gas station to make sure that everybody follows the safety regulations. I wouldn’t mind at all if he sprays me with the fire extinguisher!

Think the sun shines out of somebody’s arse

I got to watch Akademi Fantasia for the first time last night. I still couldn’t understand why Malaysians could be so emotional every time. Life must go on and I can assure you that those who have been eliminated would definitely get back on their feet in no time. The strangest thing is we can’t seem to critic the contestants since all the fanatics will strikes back with rage. I wouldn’t be surprised if one day the headlines in the newspapers bear this title: Wife asks for divorce because husband doesn’t support Mawi of AF3.

There was one contestant who sang Norah Jones’s number last night. She couldn’t project her voice for god sake but still she was not eliminated. I believe that she totally relied on her sex appeal rather than her talent. Instead the girl who had a better singing skill was out. I strongly believed that the better girl had to be eliminated because she is fat and not as hot as the other chick. It’s so unfair and I think I would write a letter to Astro and suggest them to change the name of Akademi Fantasia to Akademi Vogue.

IMHO, it was inappropriate of Astro to have a snippet on why the headscarves sales have increased tremendously because Mawi said that he wants to have a wife who wears headscarf and knows how to massage. I know it might sounds crazy, but I feel like they are mocking the Muslim women. They made it sounds like the women wore the Mawi World headscarves in order to get themselves in his list. It really is degrading the purpose of wearing headscarves let alone the main reason why women wear them.

My Fave Companion

I don’t feel like talking to him anymore.

I beg to differ

Somebody said that it was strange of me to read poems. It can be so tiring when people keep saying these things:

1) Why would you want to read this?
2) Do you want to show off by reciting the poem?
3) Why do you have lots of books in your room?
4) Why would you want to read books when you can find all the things on the net?

Since I am no master in cursing, the best that I could do is to force a smile sigh

Saddest Poem

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
Write, for instance: "The night is full of stars,
and the stars, blue, shiver in the distance."
The night wind whirls in the sky and sings.
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.
On nights like this, I held her in my arms.
I kissed her so many times under the infinite sky.
She loved me, sometimes I loved her.
How could I not have loved her large, still eyes?
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
To think I don't have her. To feel that I've lost her.
To hear the immense night, more immense without her.
And the poem falls to the soul as dew to grass.
What does it matter that my love couldn't keep her.
The night is full of stars and she is not with me.
That's all. Far away, someone sings. Far away.
My soul is lost without her.
As if to bring her near, my eyes search for her.
My heart searches for her and she is not with me.
The same night that whitens the same trees.
We, we who were, we are the same no longer.
I no longer love her, true, but how much I loved her.
My voice searched the wind to touch her ear.
Someone else's. She will be someone else's.
As she oncebelonged to my kisses.
Her voice, her light body. Her infinite eyes.
I no longer love her, true, but perhaps I love her.
Love is so short and oblivion so long.
Because on nights like this I held her in my arms,
my soul is lost without her.
Although this may be the last pain she causes me,
and this may be the last poem I write for her.
Pablo Neruda

Wednesday, June 22, 2005


Damien Rice - The Blower's Daughter Lyrics
And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her sky
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...
And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...
Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?
I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind...
My mind...
'Til I find somebody new

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Beggars can't be choosers

I have sold my soul to the devil Posted by Hello
I sold my soul to the devil and I was very cheap!

Well, have started working. Lots of people are very happy to learn that I’ve landed myself a job. It was great to know that. But the problem is: I don’t like the job and I simply accept the job offer because I need money. Yes! I sold my soul to the devil. And I’m very proud of it. Literally.
I have to drag myself off the bed daily. I was late for my training the other day. Still, I never motivate myself to get up early everyday. Odd? Don't think so.


Well I barely passed my 1st assessment. I don’t give my 100% in the class and always have my toilet breaks far too often. It’s not my fault if the trainer doesn’t know how to engage my attention, isn’t it? I nearly throw away my notes this afternoon. I couldn’t read my own handwriting, which looked like a cross between sardine fishbone and worms.
The funny thing is, though I always fall asleep during my training but still my group members trust my explanations more than those given by my ever so dedicated team leader.

She’s what?

She’s the type of person who takes note effortlessly. I can’t stand to see her notebook, which looks like a textbook including the charts and everything. She is the girl in your class whom you always borrow her notebook so you can photocopy the contents. What I can’t stand the most about her: her advices on how to live. No offence, but so far I believe that I’m doing just fine.

Tokyo story

Got to catch the movie on Sunday. I rushed over to GSC after my Shorinji Kempo class. It was harrowing though a bit slow. Tears started streaming to my eyes when the mother passed away. Now I know for certain why I was glad that Abah left us without saying his goodbye.
What a great way to celebrate father’s day.

Happy Father’s Day

Well, I missed last year’s father’s day celebration. The rest of family members had a small gathering at home and celebrated the day with abah, for the very last time without us knowing it.

I still remember the conversation that I had with him on his birthday last year. I spoiled his surprise party by revealing it to him hours before Gebob and Kojeh came over with his cake and presents.

Came to think of it, I kind of regretting my decision not to go back to celebrate his birthday. He told me on the phone that the party would be more meaningful if I was there so he could blow the candles with all his children on his side.

I wish 19 of August would never come this year. It would be distressing just to think of it. I wish I was home last year, on the 19th of August and blew the candles with Abah.
My Fave Companion

I saw him quite often lately. I have started joining back my SK class and he had been appointed as my mentor. He had accepted it with open arms since it means he could kick my butt, with a license from the sensei sigh

He started to gossip me with the guy from my class since the guy always wants me to be his partner. My fave companion even claimed that this guy purposely let me throw him around in order to win my attention. What a gossip!

Still, I love him to bits.

My fave someone

He’s not feeling well. Get well soooooon! Miss our outing.

If You Forget Me

I want you to know one thing.
You know how this is: if I look at the crystal moon,
at the red branch of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch near the fire the impalpable ash or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists, aromas, light, metals,
were little boats that sail toward those isles of yours that wait for me.
Well, now, if little by little you stop loving me I shall stop loving you little by little.
If suddenly you forget me do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.
If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners that passes through my life,
and you decide to leave me at the shore of the heart where I have roots,
remember that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms and my roots will set off to seek another land.
But if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love,
ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms without leaving mine.
Pablo Neruda

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

I always hurt ur feeling?

DID I HURT UR FEELING? Posted by Hello

My love is lost..............

There is a pain in my heart that brings tears in my eyes
I am sad because my love hurts me
My love, like a sky without clouds, like a river without fishes and like an ocean without waves
I am sad because my love left me alone
The stars are in the sky are not glittering
The moon in the sky is not sailing
The cool breeze is not touching me
I am sad because my love don't care for me
The truth always become lie
The love always become trouble
The understanding always become fail
I am sad because my love don't trust me
The thoughts in my mind become waste
The dreams in my heart cannot be fulfilled
The life in the world brings me an emptiness
I am sad because my love need me no more
Ravi Sathasivam / Sri Lanka
i am sorry if ever hurt ur feelings..though at times u did hurt mine..but i didn't even bother..have i crossed the line this time?

Friday, June 10, 2005

This is a vodoo don't play play with me!i vodoo u! Posted by Hello
"I Bruise Easily"
My skin is like a map
Of where my heart has been
And I cant hide the marksIts not a negative thing
So I let down my guard
Drop my defences down by my clothes
I'm learning to fall
With no safety net to cushion the blow
I bruise easily
So be gentle when u handle me
Theres a mark you leave
Like a love heart carved on a treeI bruise easily
Cant stratch the surface
Without moving me underneath
I bruise easily
I bruise easily
I found you fingerprints
On a glass of wine
Do you know you're leaving them
All over this heart of mine too
But if I never take this leap of faith
I'll never know
So im learning to fall
With no safety net to cushion the blow
Anyone who can touch you
Can hurt you or heal u
Anyone who can reach you
Can love you or leave u
So be gentle
I bruise easily
I bruise easily

Thursday, June 09, 2005

I am so twisted! Posted by Hello
How are you doing? Well, you know same- o same-o. Still the same old ugly, jobless and broke me.

Big thanks to those who care and asked about my disappearing for the past week. I’m fine; still breathing the fresh air, still having proper meals so far and as usual, hook to the PC day and night.

Disappearing act!

I didn’t get to be the bridesmaid. Was I sad? Nope. LOL. I went early with Kojeh and Gebob and brought along my nephews and nieces. After the early lunch, the three of us had to help out. And this was where all the fun began.

It was a very hot and humid day. All the neighbours and apparently the whole people who live in my hometown were invited. It was very busy and I was so bored since everybody kept teasing Kojeh and I who happened to wear an identical baju kurung. Grrrrrrrrr! So we told them that we decided to have our own uniform since we were not provided with uniforms like all the makcik’s bentara. In your face makcik! LOL

I got bored and I told mom that I wanted to go home to take a shower and she was ok with it. But then after 2hours I still didn’t showed up and she came back to have a
Spot-check on me. Surprisingly, she found me on my bed taking a nap with my nephews and nieces. Kojeh and Gebob were so mad since they had to help out the whole day and got tired answering to people on why I wasn’t there. Well sorry sisters
. It served you both right after what was said and done.

Another silver lining!

I had a remarkable day today. Not only I got to hang out with both of my fave people in the whole wide world, but also because of this message that made my day which was left on my blog:

Hi there, this is Adhitya, the writer of novel Jomblo. Thank your for your visit to my blog. Uhm, regarding your request for 2nd book, I have a copy that I can give to you but I will need your mailing address. My email is cheers!ps: Im in africa. ill send it via dhl

I almost jumped out of the window. I can’t believe my luck! Well Mr Adithya, thank you so much. No words can describe my gratitude towards your kindness.
Come to think of it, mom would freak out when she gets the parcel. She might think that I’ve a boyfriend in Africa. It must be funny to pretend as if it’s true. I’ve to stop talking about this or I’d start to shed some happy tears.

You are a boring, lifeless creature!

I had an interesting conversation tonight. It was about the reality TV shows, which have been aired on both paid and commercial stations. This particular person, showed a strong disagreement with my statement on why people want to watch the stupid reality shows.
IMHO, people who watch the reality TV shows are those who always want to live the life of the participants. Just imagine yourself living your everyday life. You wake up at 6am, get ready to work, get to work, arrive at the office and do your work 9-5 which bore the pants of you, while deep in your heart you always wanted to become something else. So when you see the reality TV shows, you get to feel the excitement of the participants in their journey to become a successful singer. You drift into their world whenever you watch the show and lost in your emotions along the way. As a result, we can see or hear lots of people voicing out their frustrations or gladness whenever their favorite participants are kick out or stay in the show. Thus, I could say that those people who watch such shows are merely those who live in fantasy. Do you really think that your vote through the sms really counts? Do you think that every penny that you paid for the sms really worth it? Do I need to elaborate more? Well I suppose I will save all the thinking to you guys out there.

My statement had been fully supported by the other person, which I shall name his as F, who also dislikes the reality shows. Upon hearing our arguments this particular person had made a statement that we both are boring and lifeless creatures, unlike him who hangs out with lots of people and do lots of other interesting activities. It was not so surprising to hear that from him and I was not mad either since I know that both F and I were in the winning side. Cheers!

My fave companion

Saw him for two last two days. We had lots of discussions. Some were tad serious but most of them were silly jokes. We kept doing post mortems on why I still can’t get a job and such. But as usual we ended up having different point of views.
We only agreed on one thing; I sound funny when I curse. He said that I sound like a kid who just learned how to do so. E.g.:

Kid A : Your mom is a whore. Your dad f^&*s her everyday

Kid B : You!You bad. Your underwear smells!

Guess which one is me?

Drama Queen!

Mom had turned herself into a drama queen. The other day she threw her tantrum and cried at the front door when I refused to apply for a job as a nurse. She even folded the shirts while sobbing for hours! Gosh! What had she become? Emi said that I’d better be a midwife rather than a nurse. I told him that all the patients might drop dead almost immediately when I am anywhere in sight!

Be as happy as a sandboy

So far, I am fine.Period!