I wish I could stop evangelizing about how terrible life is

I received some texts from friends about my behaviour on Facebook. I’m not sure who came up with the deduction that Facebook is a reliable source to measure out your happiness in the world. If I happen to know who the oxymoron is, I’m sure as hell that the person would end up being paralyzed for at least 6 months! The truth is, I’m nor happy or sad. Melancholic is more like it, considering that I spend much time gazing on several spots  on the ceiling or sleeping like a log most of the days. I suppose I am tired of living and on the verge of giving up. Seeing an old friend who reminded me that that I have not accomplished much is really bad for my mental health. Not forget to mention an unexpected ear bashing from my sister which could be deterred should I pretended not to hear her phone call.

I was glad to be in contact with Oreoobserver through YM. He was a fellow blogger who had stopped writing. It was such a loss because his blog never failed to crack me up. Our YM chat reminded me why I started blogging in the first place. I wanted a space to write as well as pouring my heart out.  Lately, things have changed and I don't update my blog much. Having another space to write on monthly basis causes me to neglect this space. You see, writing for children when you have turned into a cold-hearted witch is not good. You would either purposely include some bombastic words just to punish the lazy school kids and teachers or write monotonously. I suppose over the years I have became a more reserved person hence no more writings about my feelings. Perhaps, I have mastered the art of suppressing my feelings and have stopped wearing my heart on my sleeve. Hence, no more posting on how much I hate this certain people and what not.

For the past few months I have been involved with a new set of friends, which really is dynamic. Being with them makes me feel vibrant. Experiencing how trust is built, understanding their penchant, exchanging ideas; these are the reasons why at times I opt to spend much time with them. Like any other person who is newly integrated into a new group, one definitely couldn’t avoid being involved in unnecessary dramas. I drained most of my energy being involved in one. I’m not sure whether I have fully recovered. The trickiest part would be identifying what the other party is thinking of. You might be sweating all over while wondering if your silly remark would end up with you being lambasted by your new friends. You might also feel like wanting to commit suicide should you fail to detect any indications of their true feelings.

All I ever wanted is to hang out with friends for good food and lively chats. I suppose I shouldn’t get in too deep or asking for too much. Maybe it is actually best if I only watch the game from the sideline? As absurd as it sounds, I have started to believe that letting people know you only on the surface would make you a happier person.

I find shelter, in this way
Under cover, hide away
Can you hear, when I say?
I have never felt this way

Maybe I had said, something that was wrong
Can I make it better, with the lights turned on
Maybe I had said, something that was wrong
Can I make it better, with the lights turned on

Could I be, was I there?
It felt so crystal in the air
I still want to drown, whenever you leave
Please teach me gently, how to breathe

And I'll cross oceans, like never before
So you can feel the way I feel it too
And I'll mirror images back at you
So you can see the way I feel it too

Maybe I had said, something that was wrong
Can I make it better, with the lights turned on
Maybe I had said, something that was wrong
Can I make it better, with the lights turned on

Maybe I had said, something that was wrong
Can I make it better, with the lights turned on