Letter to Abah

I know my abah would never get to read this letter but still I want to write it down. A year has passed and I got lots of things to tell but there’s no one would ever be willing to listen like he did. So this letter is merely about my thoughts on stuff.

Dear Abah,

Mum just had her cataract removed a few weeks ago. When I was taking care of her I caught her crying silently. I suppose she wished that you were there to comfort her. Well, you know how mum is; she could easily get scared over nothing. She even asked the nurses if I should go into the operating theatre with her. Luckily they told her that it was so unnecessary and I could just waited at the ward. How grateful I was when I heard that coz I didn’t get much sleep the night before. Mum woke me up at 5am and asked me to get dressed. Remember how she likes to annoy me? Well, I guess this is one of the most annoying moments with mum LOL

Lots of things happened since you passed away. Mum is doing fine now and I guess she has started to get over you already. The other day when I went home, she slept on the bed that you have shared with her for 34 years and I took it as a good sign. I still don’t sleep on my bed though. When I lay down to sleep, I keep remembering the time when your body was laid on it. The kids are using it as their battlefield now so I suppose I would just let it be so long as it is not go wasted.

I suppose Tuk Wan misses you too though he’s on the verge of having Alzheimer. He still calls up your name sometimes and he would start to cry when mum slowly answers him and explains why you are not here anymore. It really is painful to hear it each time and I always pretend no to hear this.

Along, Angah, Kak Chik and Kak Yong are missing you ever since. The other day they compiled all of your pictures and put them in some new albums. I just realized that there is not a single picture of my childhood in there. Worry not, I don’t really mind. Maybe at that time you were too occupied with lots of things and you didn’t really be bothered to take my pictures at that time. Aliff have started to walk and he could utter a few words. Gebob is expecting her second child anytime now. I don’t speak to her for quite sometimes now. Things are not going really well between us girls. Lots need to be done if we want to patch things up.

Our relationship with your family is getting worse. Your siblings seemed to be trying hard to make our life miserable. Mum keeps losing her sleep each night over this matter. How I wish I could work some miracles and make things better for everyone. Why wouldn’t they let us live in peace? What have we done to them? It hurts so bad that I vowed never to step to Granny’s house anymore. Please forgive me Abah but you know long before that I could never tolerate this.

I found “To kill a mockingbird” in the storeroom with some of your books. There are few books that you bought for me that I never got to finish. Perhaps I’d try to read them all in 2006. Oh! One more thing! I’ve started to read poems again. I’ve started to collect and download the poems from the Internet too. Though how passionate I am about poems I always know that I would never be able to write any of my own hahahaha. Ah Kow’s dogs would still chase me up every time I walk pass his house. Where did I go wrong? Did I like to throw up stones at dogs when I was small? Why would they want to chase me and only me out of thousands people in our housing area? Do I deserve this terrible punishment just because I haven’t jog for years now? It drives me mad each time because I have to take the other road to get home. Mum told me that people have complained to City Council but each time they come over to catch the dogs they would never be anywhere in sight!

Remember our conversation in the car when we were on our last trip to Granny’s house 3 days before you passed away? The trial of Datuk Sharifah Aini versus Siti Nurhaliza had started but I don’t have any interest to follow the daily updates. I heard that Datuk Sharifah Aini’s team got some new evidence so the trial had been adjourned. I have watched Yasmin Ahmad’s latest movie “Gubra” and it really is a great movie. I got to watch Stanley Kubrick’s “Full Metal Jacket” the other day. It was such a pity that I couldn’t watch it with you because I know how much you loved the movies about Vietnam wars. Did you know that Mexico is in the same group as Portugal in Group B for the upcoming World Cup? I hope Portugal could at least get to the Semi-Final and England will finally win the World Cup! At least we could have more news about the England team rather than David Beckham’s scandals and new hairdos. By the way, Becks got his own perfume label and the perfume smells like weeds, but at least it’s slightly better than Andre Agassi’s Aramis. Still, I can’t wait to see the Italians and their sexy jerseys heehehhehe.

Think it’d be better if I stop now before I start to talk about my misery life, literally. Hope you have a good rest.

Love,

Your bored stiff daughter

Things that should've been posted before

This posting was written during the MVA awards but I didn’t get to use the PC and my blog had some probs. I decided to post this up when I got a comment that I socialize too much and didn’t give my 110% during the important project. Duh!

Hey! It’s Saturday!

I finally got my weekends back, after spending my two weekends in the office. In order for me to celebrate, I decided to head to the National Art Gallery with Hazera and Jaja to attend the scriptwriting talk given by Da Boss, Yasmin Ahmad on a very sunny Saturday. It was a really exhilarating experience to learn more about the process of writing a script from Da Boss. But it was even more thrilling to see her sharing the enthusiasm with the participants.

Alas, my weariness has taken its toll. I fell asleep while watching the documentary about the making of Bajau Parang . If I were not tired, I believe that I would have watched the whole docu, so I should say that it was my loss then.

Since it was my first visit to the National Art Gallery, then I suppose I should write a bit about my experience there. The cafeteria’s ambience was good but the service given was horrendous. It was terribly slow and the waiter always got confused with the order. Duh! The directory too was somewhat confusing. On the directory it was shown that the National Art Gallery has its own surau. But when we asked about it, we were told to go to Istana Budaya instead. Perhaps, it’d be better if they could take out the surau’s sign from the directory to avoid any confusion.

All in all, it was a great day.

As promised, here’s a short note about hospital and why I never liked it

My mum and I arrived at the hospital quite early for her pre-surgery check-up. Armed with 3 books and a knapsack I stepped into the waiting area while mum went for her check-up. Lots of people were already there, either to have a regular check-up or to register for the surgery. After a few hours, mum and I were led to the ward.

It was really tense at first. I saw a 3-year-old child whose hand was broke and the doctor didn’t do anything until the training doctors came over so he could demonstrate the treatment. A lonely old woman who burnt 60% of her body who kept waiting for her sister to come over brought tears to my eyes. I wished I never had to see all these; alas I had to fulfill my responsibility towards my mum. Apart from the fact that I felt nauseous from the smell of the antiseptic, the sight of the suffering patients and the annoying nurses were some of the main reasons why I never liked the hospital. Not forget to mention the lack of cute doctors around the hospital must also be listed as th reason why I don't like the hospital hahaha!

I told mum that I wanted to go home for lunch and came back later on. But mum being mum, she didn’t let me to go anywhere. I was annoyed and decided to take a breather. I had the chance to walk around Taiping in the afternoon. I haven’t been there for a few years now. When I was little, I always spent my weekends and school holidays in Kampung Pinang with my godparents. Mum told me the other day that somebody told her that Ayah Lope had passed away not so long time ago. We didn’t keep in touch with them for years and I know that mum misses them too. I was such a great loss that I forgot to bring along a camera with me that day. There were many beautiful scenes and I never realized them before. Amongst the things that I realized the most is the hotel, which is called Hotel Paris that really reminded me of David and Nico.LOL.

There was a patient who supposed to have a surgery after mum. She was so scared that her daughters had to hold her hands all the time until the moment when she had to be pushed to operation theatre. It was funny and annoying at the same time when she couldn’t wait to ask my mum how the procedure was done as soon as she saw the nurses pushing my mum back into our room. Mum who was still numb just talking incoherently and that really freaked her out!

The best moment in the ward would be the visiting hour, which could give the same effect as the happy hour in bars and clubs or perhaps something even better; the mambo jambo in Zouk. The companionship brought by the visitors could soothe the weary souls even just for a few minutes. When both my sisters came over to visit they could tell that I was bored to death. Deep down I knew that they couldn’t thank God enough for giving the idea to the Chinese guy to invent the paper so that books could be printed out! I got to finish two books and started on a new one during my 3 days stay in the ward. At the end of the day it felt like a vacation instead but with some emotional holocaust!

horayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

My blog is back!Thank God for the miracle given!

Wanted to write but too sleepy hehehe...

from The Book of Questions

III.


Tell me, is the rose naked
or is that her only dress?

Why do trees conceal
the splendor of their roots?

Who hears the regrets
of the thieving automobile?

Is there anything in the world sadder
than a train standing in the rain?

Pablo Neruda

Tidakkk!

Won't be around for the next few days..
Going to camp out in the hospital with me mum..
Feel free to drop me a few lines in the comment box..
Would write about the hospital experience when i come back,hopefully in one piece hehehe..
in the mean time,take care y'all!