Sunday, December 25, 2005

Letter to Abah

I know my abah would never get to read this letter but still I want to write it down. A year has passed and I got lots of things to tell but there’s no one would ever be willing to listen like he did. So this letter is merely about my thoughts on stuff.

Dear Abah,

Mum just had her cataract removed a few weeks ago. When I was taking care of her I caught her crying silently. I suppose she wished that you were there to comfort her. Well, you know how mum is; she could easily get scared over nothing. She even asked the nurses if I should go into the operating theatre with her. Luckily they told her that it was so unnecessary and I could just waited at the ward. How grateful I was when I heard that coz I didn’t get much sleep the night before. Mum woke me up at 5am and asked me to get dressed. Remember how she likes to annoy me? Well, I guess this is one of the most annoying moments with mum LOL

Lots of things happened since you passed away. Mum is doing fine now and I guess she has started to get over you already. The other day when I went home, she slept on the bed that you have shared with her for 34 years and I took it as a good sign. I still don’t sleep on my bed though. When I lay down to sleep, I keep remembering the time when your body was laid on it. The kids are using it as their battlefield now so I suppose I would just let it be so long as it is not go wasted.

I suppose Tuk Wan misses you too though he’s on the verge of having Alzheimer. He still calls up your name sometimes and he would start to cry when mum slowly answers him and explains why you are not here anymore. It really is painful to hear it each time and I always pretend no to hear this.

Along, Angah, Kak Chik and Kak Yong are missing you ever since. The other day they compiled all of your pictures and put them in some new albums. I just realized that there is not a single picture of my childhood in there. Worry not, I don’t really mind. Maybe at that time you were too occupied with lots of things and you didn’t really be bothered to take my pictures at that time. Aliff have started to walk and he could utter a few words. Gebob is expecting her second child anytime now. I don’t speak to her for quite sometimes now. Things are not going really well between us girls. Lots need to be done if we want to patch things up.

Our relationship with your family is getting worse. Your siblings seemed to be trying hard to make our life miserable. Mum keeps losing her sleep each night over this matter. How I wish I could work some miracles and make things better for everyone. Why wouldn’t they let us live in peace? What have we done to them? It hurts so bad that I vowed never to step to Granny’s house anymore. Please forgive me Abah but you know long before that I could never tolerate this.

I found “To kill a mockingbird” in the storeroom with some of your books. There are few books that you bought for me that I never got to finish. Perhaps I’d try to read them all in 2006. Oh! One more thing! I’ve started to read poems again. I’ve started to collect and download the poems from the Internet too. Though how passionate I am about poems I always know that I would never be able to write any of my own hahahaha. Ah Kow’s dogs would still chase me up every time I walk pass his house. Where did I go wrong? Did I like to throw up stones at dogs when I was small? Why would they want to chase me and only me out of thousands people in our housing area? Do I deserve this terrible punishment just because I haven’t jog for years now? It drives me mad each time because I have to take the other road to get home. Mum told me that people have complained to City Council but each time they come over to catch the dogs they would never be anywhere in sight!

Remember our conversation in the car when we were on our last trip to Granny’s house 3 days before you passed away? The trial of Datuk Sharifah Aini versus Siti Nurhaliza had started but I don’t have any interest to follow the daily updates. I heard that Datuk Sharifah Aini’s team got some new evidence so the trial had been adjourned. I have watched Yasmin Ahmad’s latest movie “Gubra” and it really is a great movie. I got to watch Stanley Kubrick’s “Full Metal Jacket” the other day. It was such a pity that I couldn’t watch it with you because I know how much you loved the movies about Vietnam wars. Did you know that Mexico is in the same group as Portugal in Group B for the upcoming World Cup? I hope Portugal could at least get to the Semi-Final and England will finally win the World Cup! At least we could have more news about the England team rather than David Beckham’s scandals and new hairdos. By the way, Becks got his own perfume label and the perfume smells like weeds, but at least it’s slightly better than Andre Agassi’s Aramis. Still, I can’t wait to see the Italians and their sexy jerseys heehehhehe.

Think it’d be better if I stop now before I start to talk about my misery life, literally. Hope you have a good rest.


Your bored stiff daughter

10 messages:

azzad said...

Jgn main2, ni serious ni tau. Aku siap proof read lagi.

Anonymous said...

aku tumpang sedih kekure.

Anonymous said...

tipu~ i'm and always be the one you can tell anything. :p tak percaya? try me! but i guess, i am not to you. marah aa ni. wek wek wek.

Anonymous said...

nana wuz here

pinky angel said...

i cried while reading ur letter.. How i wish to have someone that i can call him 'abah' and share every beautiful moments like both of u have.he passed away b4 i was born

Unknown said...

i cannot imagine how you must feel. all i have to do is IMAGINE my abah gone and the eyes start welling up with tears.

but this much i know. by allah's grace, we shall all be united with our abah and mak in the hereafter.

Anonymous said...

girl, i pray that u will always be strong. semoga roh abah ko dicucuri rahmat... amin.

Sea Cow said...

that's really touching.

kekure said...

Thanks for all the comments and comforts written by those who truly care.Really appreciate them :)

sitynuress said...

hey kekure.. jgn la sedey...

kekure sedih Baby Indah pun sedih :(

take care ya kekure :)

missed your happy writings