Wanna Rent My Life?

I went over to visit a colleague whose dad passed away on Monday. It was the first Hindu funeral that I ever attended ever in my life. It was interesting but somewhat brought me back down the memory lane. When I got to the house, I saw her family gathered around the body that was laid on the floor, clothed in the traditional silk suit. Then I realized how composed they were, as if content with the loss.

But I realized something else that very moment. I felt empty like never before. Throughout my life I have been to a several funeral excluding my family members. Whenever I got there, I would feel sad as if somebody has taken a piece of me.

Perhaps I got a better grip of myself now or maybe I am just being as daft as a brush

Books!

I have finished reading Merde Actually by Stephen Clarke during the weekend. Usually I don’t really believe what ever is written on the cover or the jacket of a book. Sometimes lots of good things written on the cover and made you believe that the book really is a must buy. You’d even kill your cat instead if you don’t get to buy the book. This time, it really is different. I must confess that whatever thing written on the cover of the book really is true! But one more food that has always been associated with the French, which is the frog, has not been given the mentioning that it deserves! Stephane Clarke must have owes lots of apologies to the French!

Merde Actually takes us further into the life of Paul West (Pol West) as pronounced by the French, a year after he arrived in Paris. We will travel to the nudist beach, Ars and yet back again to Paris where he struggles with My Tea Is Rich project. The escargots that bear the Union Jack and the France flag have scored the point to make its way into my book cover top ten list! To those PETA supporters out there: No escargots were harm during the writing of this book, I guess.

After 2 humor books, I opt to continue my reading with My sister’s keeper by Jodi Picoult which has a very interesting tagline on the cover of the book: If you use one of your children to save the life of another, are you being a good mother or a very bad one? I don’t usually go for such genre but what the heck; reading something different would add some colours into my mundane week!

This is my favourite phrase from the book :

Doubt thou that the stars are fire;

Doubt thou that the sun doth move;

Doubt truth to be a liar;

But never doubt that I love.

William Shakespeare, Hamlet

Music

Someone gave me Rammstein’s CD, Rosenrot, the other week. If you never heard of them before, that is because this is an industrial band from Germany. At first my thought was like what V loves to say : Blardi hell! Kenot understand at all! Besides, I had started to love this particular song, which is a duet with Texas singer, Sharleen Spiteri. This is the type of song that will stick in your brain for a while.

Alas, thank god for Internet! Have Internet will travel!

German

Die Nacht öffnet ihren Schoß
Das Kind heißt Einsamkeit
Es ist kalt und regungslos
Ich weine leise in die Zeit
Ich weiß nicht wie du heißt
Doch ich weiß dass es dich gibt
Ich weiß dass irgendwann
irgendwer mich liebt

He comes to me every night
No words are left to say
With his hands around my neck
I close my eyes and pass away

I don't know who he is
In my dreams he does exist
His passion is a kiss
And I can not resist

Ich warte hier
Don't die before I do
Ich warte hier
Stirb nicht vor mir

I don't know who you are
I know that you exist
Stirb nicht
Sometimes love seems so far
Ich warte hier
Your love I can't dismiss
Ich warte hier

Alle Häuser sind verschneit
Und in den Fenstern Kerzenlicht
Dort liegen sie zu zweit
Und ich
Ich warte nur auf dich

Ich warte hier
Don't die before I do
Ich warte hier
Stirb nicht vor mir

I don't know who you are
I know that you exist
Stirb nicht
Sometimes love seems so far
Ich warte hier
Your love I can't dismiss

Stirb nicht vor mir

English

The night opens her lap
The child's name is loneliness
It is cold and motionless
I cry softly into time
I don't know what your name is
But I know that you exist
I know that sometime
someone will love me

He comes to me every night
No words are left to say
With his hands around my neck
I close my eyes and pass away

I don't know who he is
In my dreams he does exist
His passion is a kiss
And I can not resist

I wait here
Don't die before I do
I wait here
Don't die before I do

I don't know who you are
I know that you exist
Don't die
Sometimes love seems so far
I wait here
Your love I can't dismiss
I wait here

All the houses are covered in snow
And candle light in the windows
They lie there together
And I
I only wait for you

I wait here
Don't die before I do
I wait here
Don't die before I do

I don't know who you are
I know that you exist
Don't die
Sometimes love seems so far
I wait here
Your love I can't dismiss

Don't die before I do

Work

Bearing the burden of other people works really is killing me at the moment. There is a devilish woman in the office that is such a lazy bum who thinks that she is the only person working in the office. Since my cubicle is located at the far end of the wing, which is a very strategic place if you want to hide from the devil, she thought that I have nothing much to do.

So now I ended up having to do her job as well. What makes me want to strangle her is seeing how slow she does her job. if I pass any documents to be signed by the VP, I would have to call or see her myself again and again to make sure that she’d pass them to him. Apart from that, I’d have to collect and send her documents to and from other departments. When she was pregnant, I had to do most of her jobs too. Man, this is too much. I might propose to my director to let me handle her department since literally I have been administering her department, whether anybody realize it or not!

Just imagine if I could have her pay too! Muahhahahahahaaahhahaahahahahhahahahahhahahahahha

Bintang Di Surga

I know you like an open book

I had a very long conversation with an old friend that I’ve known for almost 10 years now. He said that I haven’t changed much since our last meeting about a year ago. As always, I want him to listen to my silly ideas on how the world should be run and how simple life could be from my point of view. His remarks about me having too idealistic ideas made me realized how do I with such a complicated thinking could live such a simple life. Actually I don’t ask for much from anyone but lately people been asking too much from me. And me being me, I would never say no to anything. Sooner or later I might don’t even have the energy to lift up my finger!

Another merde in a not so different bucket

I stumbled into the hr consultant the other day and she started to ask what my job scope is. I answered without much interest knowing that I would end up being in the merde. Then I came to learn that hr only agreed to give me one-month contract, which really contradict to what my boss told me. From hr point of view it seems like the budget should be adhere nonetheless so my boss would have to choose between me and the other senior in a month time.

The thing is, I am not here to compete for a permanent position especially if it’s going to risk somebody else’s job. But should I be held responsible if she losses her job if I have proven that I could do a better job thus make me deserves this job more than she does?

Such dilemma added up with some flu and coughs make me pray everyday that I won’t die soon.

Mari Makan Lengkong bersama King Kong

I went over to watch King Kong in IMAX with Hazera, Habri, David and Nico last Tuesday. It was quite exciting to think whether it’d be possible to see the King Kong’s nose up close when I watch it on IMAX. After 3 disturbing hours, I was never so glad when the movie finished.

My advice would be: please stick to the original King Kong if you are the type of moviegoer who wants to feel some emotions from a movie. But please hail King Kong by Peter Jackson if you love seeing King Kong fights the gruesome T-Rex. There is a scene which has a shot of Adrien Brody taken from this certain angle that makes him look so fragile and you’d begin to wonder why would he wants to be in this kind of movie. One thing for sure: I just love all the shoes worn by Ann Darrow in this movie LOL.

Finding my refuge in poetry

For the past few days I have been finding my refuge in poetry, either by the Sufi masters or just some ordinary poets. I came across this poem by Hafiz when I felt so much despair in my life and I want to share it with you guys here.

Out of this mess

Pray
To be humble
So that God does not
Have to appear to be so stingy.

O pray to be honest,
Strong,
Kind,
And pure,

So that the Beloved is never miscast
As a cruel great miser.

I know you have a hundred complex cases
Against God in court,

But never mind, wayfarer,
Let’s just get out of this mess

And pray to be loving and humble
So that the Friend will be forced to reveal

Himself so Near!

Hafiz – Taken from The Gift Poems by Hafiz The Great Sufi Master

Feels just like it should

I have started to make a full use of my weekly planner. A week before there were only a few notes on my friends birthday but then I realized that I have always forgotten what movies that I have seen or whom that I hang out with on the previous weekend. Thus, last night I have started to write down every detail from what I remember and also the current events. What makes my new habit even sweeter was because the person that I hang out with for dinner yesterday decided to write down his own notes on our outing. Perhaps the beautiful full moon that we saw last night had made us do silly things. Who knows?

Movie

The Wig

I went to watch this movie after hearing a rave reviews from Nana. To be honest, it was quite scary . I think out of 60 people who were in the cinema hall with me that night, 40 of them would have screamed, while the other 10 would just kept their cool to impress their girlfriends whilst the rest of them would just closed their eyes with jackets and such.LOL.

What makes the movie so different you might say? Well, most of the horror movies made are usually about women who turned into ghosts. But this time, it was a man’s ghost! Yeap, you read it right! MAN’S GHOST!But in this movie it's a gay ghost. Attention: I don't mean to offend any gays out there. I believe that it doesn't matter what your sexual orientation is, but if you are bad then you really are bad. Putting a label on people based on gender,race and sexual orientation is definitely a no-no to me.

What is the moral of the story? I’m not going to say that girls should never use the rebonding technique, which would be silly since hair is definitely a girl’s throne. At the end of the movie you’ll realize that jealousy is the root of evil. When you feel jealous, you’ll tend to have a very negative impression on other persons and it will lead to some fatal incidents. By the way, never leave your camera around or somebody might use it to kill you. I shall remind you guys who either likes to play truant by hanging out in the lavatory or a quickie in the loo should never watch this movie or you might never go anywhere near the toilet bowl.

Work

Praise to God that I have been given another 3 months contract. But still the good news has not put me in the working mode just yet. The week went by as usual in the office. Same shit, different buckets I suppose.

I have developed a decent relationship with some girls who have been working at the office for almost a decade now. One of them has started to feel that her life serves no other purpose and she lives merely because she lives. This is very startling since I sense that she has shut down her feelings before and only lately she feels some anger building up inside her. I wonder whether her relationships with some other younger colleagues and me who lead more fulfilling lives have contributed to trigger the negative feelings in her!

I just hope that none of us would need to go through such feelings because I can tell you that it really is ugly. Shutting down your feelings will certainly bring more harms than good. You’d feel like life is nothing but working, do good deeds and perform your prayers. I am not saying that perform the prayers is not good but life is certainly more than that. Surround yourself with family, good friends, great books and do lots of cool activities. Please don’t die before your time! **These last sentences make me sounds like Dr Phil, don’t I? Hahahahha**

Books

I have finished A Year in the Merde. It really is hilarious especially the bit about the differences on food, sexuality and red tapes in England and France. A must read if you want to know why French can be so arrogant but yet romantic and Brits would always be sarcastic no matter what.

I continued reading ‘tis last night. I think I can really understand why abah wanted me to become a teacher. He always thought highly of this career and that was how Gebob and Kojeh ended up being teachers. For him teaching is not about going into the class, ask the student to open up the book and read. It’s more about nurturing their personalities and abilities. I remember when I was small; a young man came over to see abah during Hari Raya. He merely came over to thank abah for making him realized that he could reach for the star if he was willing to work hard. I guess that would be one of the best days in his life.

The next books in my list: Merde Actually, my sister’s keeper and some other books, which have been read halfway hehehhe.

Life in General

It really was a very pleasing week I would say. Got to make someone’s day (I assume), received a good news for myself and learned a thing or two and master a few tricks. All in all, a great week!

Dedication

Here’s a poem for the person who celebrated his birthday with a bang this week.

XV –Twenty love Poems and A Song of Despair

I like for you to be still: it is as though you were absent,
And you hear me from far away and my voice does not touch you.
It seems as though your eyes had flown away
And it seems that a kiss had sealed your mouth.

As all things are filled with my soul
you emerge from the things, filled with my soul,
You are like my soul, a butterfly of dream,
And you are like the word Melancholy.

I like for you to be still, and you seem so far away.
It sounds as though you were lamenting, a butterfly cooing like a dove.
And you hear me from far away, and my voice does not reach you:
Let me come to be still in your silence.
And let me talk to you with your silence
That is bright as a lamp, simple as a ring.
You are like the night, with its stillness and constellations.
Your silence is that of a star, as remote and candid.

I like for you to be still: it is as though you were absent,
Distant and full of sorrow as though you had died.
One word then, one smile, is enough.
And I am happy, happy that it’s not true.

Pablo Neruda

2006 is here to stay!

I ended up 2006 with a movie marathon with Faye. We started with Perhaps Love which definitely has an awesome soundtrack and a very handsome Takeshi Kaneshiro with his manly voice.**Drooling**.We took a break for some shopping before we continued with Wallace and Gromit. I definitely like this one better than Corpse Bride that I had to watch it again with David and Nico. Since we were already not in the mood for 2 hours long movie or a very heavy one, we decided to watch A Chinese Tall Story which had lots of CGIs. It felt as if I was watching Star Wars again. The last movie for the day was Narnia that had given me a very unforgettable incident which I wish could be erased with a blink of my eyes!

After only 10 days in 2006, I started to realize lots of things. The most significant should be how purposeless my life would be this year. Well, as if I ever had any before LOL. I started badly in 2005 and it lasted for the half of the year. To be honest, I certainly can’t really remember what happened to me last year. Perhaps I have blocked most of the memories especially all the bad ones. If any of you happened to be in them then I owe you an apology for not being able to reminisce all the bad recollections later on in life.

Things that I know for sure are these : I have learnt a lot about life, made lots of new friends, grew more camaraderie, lost a few friends and found the missed ones. My greatest gratitude goes to those who reads my blog and leave words of encouragements for my postings in 2005.

One of the most significant things that happened in 2005 would be the TSC. It all started with the appreciation on Sepet and admiration towards Yasmin Ahmad that brought us all together. The other would be when at last I got to get my life back together. For 7 months I just let my life went with the flow and struggled to survive all the barriers (and a few barricades I might say) when I finally ended up having a new job. My contract is said to be continued but am not certain for how long at the moment.

Thank you so much for those who have always been there for me.I certainly couldn't repay all the good times, the great talks and the romantic moments (if applicable).You guys know who you are ;)

As usual, no resolutions are made since it won’t last after a few weeks!

Things in the office are going smoothly especially in the last 2 weeks of December. Lots of people went for their holidays and only a few of us were left in the office. I should say that it would be the most peaceful time ever! But it felt a bit bored since I didn’t get to pull somebody's leg. Duh! During this period I realized a few things that I have learnt and use them as my practices since I started working here.

1.The dumber you are the better
This practice is essential especially when you have to deal with those who think that they have worked there since the stone ages so they know everything. If you can pretend that you never know how to switch on the light without ever having to show that you are disgusted with your own act then congratulations! You are in the right track to become the next most favorite staff in the office politics

2.Beware of the devils!
Make sure that you mix with the right group. Hence always mingle around to recognize the group that fit you the most. It might take some time but please be patient because it will definitely bring you a lot of benefits.Not only you will get the latest on grapevines but also some good shoulders to cry on.

3.Sharpen up your act
If you are the type of person who can’t live without Yahoo Messenger, MSN Messenger or Google Talk then use the right tool so that you wouldn’t be detected by the firewall set up by your company. But remember, when you start to chat in the office you will need to be very cautious and act up as if you really are busy especially when you start to type really fast when you have so many friends online. Make sure that you toss lots of paper works around and if anybody calls your office phone pick them up only after a few rings in order for you to convince your colleagues in the other cubicles. Practice your hand to move the mouse really fast so that you could change the window in 0.0003 seconds as per Gaban’s movement since it really is important especially when your boss suddenly comes over to your desk. You wouldn’t want to be caught red handed I can assure you that!

Books!

Lately I have the tendency to read 3 books simultaneously, a habit that I am not so fond of. At the moment I’ve been reading ‘tis by Frank McCourt, a year in the merde by Stephen Clarke and the poetry of Pablo Neruda which I read before I go to sleep every night. Well, I’m not so sure when I’m going to finish it since it is roughly 1000 pages!

Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Adha

It’s Hari Raya Aidil Adha today and here I am spending my nighttime in front of the PC. I went to my cousin’s house in the afternoon and got lost for almost an hour. I almost decided to go home when I realized that it wouldn’t be a meaningful Hari Raya if I celebrated it alone. Luckily I went on well and I came back with my stomach full of nasi himpit, rendang and laksa.

I called mum in the morning and she told me that she was actually on the bed and was about to get some nap. I wanted to speak to Tuk Wan but mum told me that he had been crying for 2 days long and refused to eat anything. So I thought it’d be best if I don’t speak to him since he would cry even more when he heard my voice.

Gebob was busy with her new baby, which has a very weird name. At first it sounded like some ice cream from Baskin Robbins but after a while it sounds like a plant. Kojeh as usual was having a ball with her in laws. I can’t thank god enough for Kak Chik and Kak Yong still don’t understand on how the calendar works or else they might have called me everyday to ask when am I going to go back to see them!

Whatever happened to Mariah Carey?

If you gals have seen the latest installments of Mariah Carey’s video clip you should have realized that she seems to be having inferiority complex. She has changed the size of her bust, her butts and god knows what else has she changed before. I suppose if we live without any regulations, social norms and religions restrictions she might as well make a video clip that looks like soft porn to show her assets! LOL!


Blind-Lifehouse

I was young but I wasn't naive

I watched helpless as he turned around to leave

And still I have the pain I have to carry

A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

After all this timeI never thought we'd be here

Never thought we'd be here

When my love for you was blind

But I couldn't make you see it

Couldn't make you see it

That I loved you more than you'll ever know

A part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep

Only in hopes of dreaming

That everything would be like is was before

But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting

They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

After all this timeI never thought we'd be here

Never thought we'd be here

When my love for you was blind

But I couldn't make you see it

Couldn't make you see it

That I loved you more than you'll ever know

A part of me died when I let you go

After all this time

Would you ever wanna leave it

Maybe you could not believe it

That my love for you was blind

But I couldn't make you see it

Couldn't make you see it

That I loved you more than you will ever know

A part of me died when I let you go

And I loved you more than you'll ever know

A part of me dies when I let you go

Thought of the day

love is one big lie so companies could make lots of profits out of it