Today is the day when I feel like I have wasted 6 months of my life by being jobless and being non-productive. Today is definitely the day when I feel that I exist among the people that I knew just because I exist. Nothing more and nothing less. Could I just not live my life today?
I woke up very late. Once I was up I straightly went to prepare my lunch. After I had my lunch, I was indecisive on whether I should go to my Shorinji Kempo class or not. I got myself ready and ended up watching TV instead. Then I finally made up my mind and I went to the class only to find that I was late. Terribly late! I didn’t enjoy the class at all since most of my partners speak Tagalogs and I couldn’t understand what they were talking about. I got sick and tired with the new student who came together with her boyfriend. Both of them are from Philippines. I kicked her hard on the stomach and she went to tell her boyfriend about it. So they both ended up training with each other and I had to train with both of the Sensei, which means that I would have more bruises than the rest of the class sigh
Right after the class I didn’t wait up to bid farewell to my fave companion and just went straight home. I suddenly felt sad and tears started to flow. I tried so hard not to cry and started to look up to the sky. Out of a sudden, I saw a silver lining. I felt pleased because I knew that I needed to see one.
I love you
I spoke to Betty today for an hour. How delighted I was to be able to speak to her. I know she misses me a lot. Sometimes I do wonder who misses me more; mom or Betty. Still, her love and warmth keeps me going. I remember the day when I went to see her before I left Penang. We both relied on each other very much. I supported her when she was struggling to adapt to the new environment and she had given me lots of moral supports back then and still is.
She is like a therapist. When I am done talking to her I feel such a relieved and am ready to live again. See, I can save lots of money by not going to the therapist but to call her instead.
I want my birthday present, and I want it now.
Been talking to my nephews and niece after my therapy session with Betty. Angah went amok when he knew that I bought Along a birthday present. He didn’t seem t o understand the concept that one needs to wait for his birthday before he can receive a birthday gift. I ended up promising him to buy a new book for his birthday. Kojeh was upset because he didn’t stop crying and as always she put the blame on me.
KES
I had another round of movie screening with the TSC’ers. I ended up going alone since my fave someone had to cancel at the very last minute. Below is my posting from Yasmin’s blog (I am too lazy to write a new one):
What can I say?
I like KES, but not as much liking that I have for Nobody Knows. One thing for sure, though it was made in 1969 but it still as pertinent as the day it was made. Like Nobody Knows, it has lots of unforgettable moments. This film will touch your humanity on several occasions, like when the teacher caned his students and this one little boy who was hiding the cigarettes for his fellow classmates had been caned too. One could weep when they see the tears streaming from his innocent eyes down to his cheek, and his body shaking from nervousness. We can’t help but to think on how cruel the headmaster had been towards his students. The label that he had on them not only frustrating but also could make you feel some rage.
Apart from the PE class bit where the teacher bullying his students, which seems to be a big hit among TSC’ers, I also like the part when Billy, coming from a working class and being prepared for a dead-end work, found his kestrel. He had been let down by the school system finds he can train it, imbibing the bird's dignity and self-belief. By finding the kestrel it only not bringing him some freedom and but also some love and affection.
His hard works gone in the drain when his brother killed Kes out of spite. It feels like your hope and your freedom had been crushed too. If you watch this movie, you can’t help but to feel how shameful it is to watch the movies that we have now. Again it proves the point that budget means nothing
Senario
I had a very interesting discussion about Senario with my fellow TSC’ers while hitching a ride with them after the screening. The three of us agreed that Azlee should’ve been kicked out of the group. He has not only been a disgrace to the group but always go overboard in his acting. I guess I can still tolerate with the rest of the group but not him.
I feel nauseas every time I see him in the Shell ads. I think Lan Pet Pet alone would have made a better ad. Better still, I’ rather have Shamser Sindhu running around the gas station to make sure that everybody follows the safety regulations. I wouldn’t mind at all if he sprays me with the fire extinguisher!
Think the sun shines out of somebody’s arse
I got to watch Akademi Fantasia for the first time last night. I still couldn’t understand why Malaysians could be so emotional every time. Life must go on and I can assure you that those who have been eliminated would definitely get back on their feet in no time. The strangest thing is we can’t seem to critic the contestants since all the fanatics will strikes back with rage. I wouldn’t be surprised if one day the headlines in the newspapers bear this title: Wife asks for divorce because husband doesn’t support Mawi of AF3.
There was one contestant who sang Norah Jones’s number last night. She couldn’t project her voice for god sake but still she was not eliminated. I believe that she totally relied on her sex appeal rather than her talent. Instead the girl who had a better singing skill was out. I strongly believed that the better girl had to be eliminated because she is fat and not as hot as the other chick. It’s so unfair and I think I would write a letter to Astro and suggest them to change the name of Akademi Fantasia to Akademi Vogue.
IMHO, it was inappropriate of Astro to have a snippet on why the headscarves sales have increased tremendously because Mawi said that he wants to have a wife who wears headscarf and knows how to massage. I know it might sounds crazy, but I feel like they are mocking the Muslim women. They made it sounds like the women wore the Mawi World headscarves in order to get themselves in his list. It really is degrading the purpose of wearing headscarves let alone the main reason why women wear them.
My Fave Companion
I don’t feel like talking to him anymore.
I beg to differ
Somebody said that it was strange of me to read poems. It can be so tiring when people keep saying these things:
1) Why would you want to read this?
2) Do you want to show off by reciting the poem?
3) Why do you have lots of books in your room?
4) Why would you want to read books when you can find all the things on the net?
Since I am no master in cursing, the best that I could do is to force a smile sigh
Saddest Poem
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
Write, for instance: "The night is full of stars,
and the stars, blue, shiver in the distance."
The night wind whirls in the sky and sings.
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.
On nights like this, I held her in my arms.
I kissed her so many times under the infinite sky.
She loved me, sometimes I loved her.
How could I not have loved her large, still eyes?
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
To think I don't have her. To feel that I've lost her.
To hear the immense night, more immense without her.
And the poem falls to the soul as dew to grass.
What does it matter that my love couldn't keep her.
The night is full of stars and she is not with me.
That's all. Far away, someone sings. Far away.
My soul is lost without her.
As if to bring her near, my eyes search for her.
My heart searches for her and she is not with me.
The same night that whitens the same trees.
We, we who were, we are the same no longer.
I no longer love her, true, but how much I loved her.
My voice searched the wind to touch her ear.
Someone else's. She will be someone else's.
As she oncebelonged to my kisses.
Her voice, her light body. Her infinite eyes.
I no longer love her, true, but perhaps I love her.
Love is so short and oblivion so long.
Because on nights like this I held her in my arms,
my soul is lost without her.
Although this may be the last pain she causes me,
and this may be the last poem I write for her.
Pablo Neruda
