Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Sebagai peserta kempen belog dalam bahasa malaysia yang di anjurkan oleh, saya dengan rasa rendah diri mempersembahkan hasil tulisan saya buat pertama kali di dalam bahasa malaysia bersempena dengan sambutan hari kemerdekaan ke 48.

Sebagai seorang wanita yang baru sahaja menyambut hari wanita dan kini menyambut hari kemerdekaan pula, saya fikir wanita sebenarnya masih belum merdeka dalam erti kata sebenar.

Benar,wanita boleh melakukan apa sahaja yang lelaki lakukan kini.Tetapi merdekakah wanita bila mereka masih di nilai dari paras rupa dan bukannya kebolehan dan kelayakan masing-masing?Sedarkah anda bahawa lelaki yang tidak mempunyai paras rupa dan boleh di kategorikan sebagai muka pecah pintu masih boleh mendapat pekerjaan sebagai seorang eksekutif dengan gaji kasar sebanyak RM 2,500?Jika anda adalah seorang wanita,anda akan di nilai dari paras rupa dan kepandaian anda untuk mengambil hati bos dan rakan sekerja serta ciri-ciri lain yang merangkumi 70% dari sebab musabab kenapa anda boleh di ambil bekerja di sesuatu syarikat.

Kenapakah tulisan saya berbaur kemarahan?Saya sudah muak menjadi mangsa di zaman kemerdekaan.Saya merupakan seorang yg bermuka pecah pintu dan sering membuat kerja bagi pihak wanita yang mempunyai paras rupa yang menarik tetapi tidak berkebolehan dalam melaksanakan tugasan yang telah di berikan oleh pihak syarikat kepadanya.

Kalau camtu kan ke senang kalau bos dia amik jek aku keje?

Sekian luahan saya di dalam bahasa malaysia.

Terima kasih

Sunday, August 28, 2005


The only pic that I ever took in a wedding ceremony

Wedding blues

I broke my rituals! I attended a wedding last Sunday! I could only attend one wedding a year. I am not really fond about the idea of attending any weddings at all. It has nothing to do with my age or my marital status. The thing is, I tend to feel uncomfortable at weddings. People will make comparisons at the very second you go to say hi to the host right to when you walk out to leave the ceremony. The makcik2 especially will list out who has the best clothes, the best car, the best job etc.

Apart from that, I could have a very low-esteem when it comes to eating in wedding. I could be damn hungry but still eat a small portion. I am afraid that the makcik-makcik will say that I eat like a pig! Like last week, I had to get something else to eat after I came back from my cousin’s wedding. LOL

Can you recognize me?

So I went to my cousin’s wedding. Actually I don’t have any ideas on who got married that day. As far as I know, I had to attend the wedding on my family’s behalf and I had to be there by hook or by crook. Mum even called me up at 8am to remind me of the wedding. She was mad since I was still asleep whilst I had to be at the wedding before noon. I assured her that I’d be there before the wedding ended. In fact I got there with a couple of friends right after the bersanding.

I am not that close with my father’s side. I must confess that I barely know his siblings. I even had troubling recognizing my aunt, which was the host of the wedding. I went to see the family after I had my meal. Mind you, my stomach was grumbling like a mad cow and I definitely had to take my lunch before I lost my appetite after hearing them giving a long speech about my family.

I went to see my granny who cried when she saw me. Then I got to see a bunch of aunts and uncles whom never met in my entire life. Suddenly this woman came to me and asked me whether I know her. Oh Man! How could expect that I’d still remember who you are when the last time that we met was 12 years ago? I bluntly answered her: I have no idea, I’m sorry. She was cool about it, lucky me! She is my aunt, one of the persons who accepted mum into the family with open arms 36 years ago.

If we can’t get you, we’re going to get your kid!

I have an aunt who really is the pain in the ass. Till today, I can’t bare to speak to her for more than 5 minutes. Abah knew really well how I couldn’t stand her at all. I could still tolerate with others but not her. In our conversation, well more like a mumbling to me, I found out that her only child is in Faye’s school. I could sense the kid’s hatred towards Faye from the way she talked about Faye.

I straightaway informed Faye to keep a close eye on her so Faye could bully her on our behalf. You don’t know how happy Kojeh and I about our devilish plan. She had bullied my mum throughout her marriage to abah. So that’s the least we could do to seek some revenge for mum. Muahahhahahahaha!

What? Hi-heels?

I was given a pair of hi-heels during a retail therapy session with friend who had been dumped by her 3-years boyfriend. I got to wear them to the wedding, and I swear I felt the earth shaking violently under my feet!

Bonjour Monsieur

I have started a new job.Yeay!V sms-ed me to stop worshipping those French guys. He was afraid that my mind as a typical Malaysians would be subjugated by those hotties.LOL. I had been given a few tasks that need to be done in a month. So I suppose I need to work even harder, to impress my boss and big boss.

The office is so big and there are lots of cubicles. I was lost in it a few times while trying to find the way back to mine. I pretended that I deliberately go there to get to know them and it worked out well. So now you know, never to call and ask me for directions since I have lost my sense of directions. Have you seen it anywhere before?

James Blunt - You're beautiful

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.
You're beautiful.
You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.
You're beautiful.
You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
You're beautiful.
You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

Monday, August 15, 2005

Rainy Sunday

Pic courtesy of Azrul Helmi
XVII (I do not love you...)

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this:
where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

Pablo Neruda

Sunday, August 14, 2005

The beautiful side of somewhere

An apple a day keeps the doctor away

It was a very hot and humid day. I rushed to the dentist to do the scalding and forgot to bring anything else but some money. I was hoping to see my favorite dentist who had been my dentist for quite sometimes. While I was waiting for my turn, I read a month old newspaper, which featured Craig Foong. He as always looked so sharp in the pictures. I was struggling like mad to stop myself from drooling. He would be the perfect candidate to play the role as a lifeguard in any beach movies.

When I went in to see the dentist, I was so shocked to see that it was not my favorite dentist who was on duty. He had been replaced with a monster! He asked me to open out my mouth, as wide as I could. I couldn’t help it but to notice his hairy arms and big tummy. I tried to distract my mind by reading the posters on the wall but to no avail. I kept thinking that it’d be a disaster if the hair on his arms fell into my mouth while he was doing the scalding. Come to think of it, I might gargle with Clorox for a month! I almost choked myself to death whenever I saw the hairy arms moving around my face when suddenly I remembered Craig Foong’s pictures that I saw in the newspaper. I even thought to send a thank you note to the Star writer who wrote the articles on Craig Foong.

As I was about to amuse myself with how vivid my memory was the dentist suddenly moved my head and let it rest on his tummy. Just imagine how painful it was at that time?I had to endure the pain of scalding while my head moved up and down as the dentist breathed in and out. Oh my dear friend, this was definitely the worst trip ever to the dentist. What had I done that made me deserved all these? Did I kick a cat that morning? Did I spit on mom’s roses? Did I wear my shirt inside out? Well, none of it obviously.

I prayed hard that the whole thing would be done in 5minutes. To make things worst, I had to argue with him so that he’d polished my teeth. Seriously, I need to find myself a new dentist!


I went to watch Ungu Violet twice! Nana and I went to watch it on the first day of its screenings and the second time was with Mustlyana who wanted to watch it badly today. luckily I was not thrown out of the theatre since we both kept giggling and fooling around. Not forget to mention that we both were seated right infront of the screen!

I shall agree with most of the movie buffs: this movie certainly has a good cinematography but a weak storyline. Rizky Hanggono as Lando definitely reminds me of my fave someone. Emotionless but warmth sometimes!

Down memory lane

I read some of the emails that I sent to Macca. I realized that he had done the thing that I told him to do long before. I told him that I wished he’d say good-bye so I could get on with my life. That was what he did. I am glad in a way that he is not a part of my life any more. Did I curse him before with my limited cursing vocabulary? Yes, I did. But now, I hope that everything works out fine for him.

Fix You - Coldplay

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
High up above or down below when you too in love to let it go
If you never try you'll never know
Just what your worth
Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears streaming down your face and I
Tears stream down your face
I promise you
I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face and I
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Friday, August 12, 2005


I tried to be perfect
But nothing was worth it
I don’t believe it makes me real
I thought it’d be easy
But no one believes me
I meant all the things I said
If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I’m trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own
This place is so empty
My thoughts are so tempting
I don’t know how it got so bad
Sometimes it’s so crazy
That nothing can save me
But it’s the only thing that I have
If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I’m trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own
On my own
I tried to be perfect
It just wasn’t worth it
Nothing could ever be so wrong
It’s hard to believe me
It never gets easy
I guess I knew that all along
If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I’m trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own

Saturday, August 06, 2005

From the bottom of my broken heart

It’s no use crying over spilt milk

It was a very depressing slumber party. I managed to avoid talking about their break up by watching IT. It felt like my eyes were glued to the screen. It really is stressful to think about how she’s going to cope living without him.

She started asking me to ask her ex to join us for lunch. I totally ignored her plan. How could I make her see that this is not the right way to deal with the break up? She started to cry after that. Luckily, the tears meant nothing. I let her cried all her might but no I don’t want to be involved in the crying game.

He on the other hand, is happy to go on living. Keep the new lover aside; we can clearly see that he has a lot of reasons to live. Why does it matter if he changed? What if he changed for the good? Who are we to judge him?

I don’t know for how long is she going to live like this. Once she wakes up she’ll start crying as if she doesn’t want to wake up anymore. The day is not as beautiful as it used to be and the roses are not as sweet as they supposed to be.
Is it worth it to waste your valuable life longing for someone who dumped you because he thinks that you are not worth of his love?

Was it my fault if I am ugly?

I was at KLCC again today, this time around with Nana. We tried to get a cab but to no avail. I lost my temper because of the incidents that I listed below and yes I too was surprised to learn that I needed lots of incidents before I really got angry.


Would it matters if we cut the queues? Yes it is. For me, it means a lot. You show that you acknowledge the people before you has queued up long before you got there. Unfortunately, in lots of cases people just don’t care about this anymore. I was waving like mad to stop a taxi when suddenly a group of people rushed to the taxi that stopped for me. I felt disgusted and almost threw up. I thanked god that I didn’t really threw up at that time. The sight of a young lady covered with her vomit is not a very pleasant sight, especially if it happens right in front of KLCC. What if it really did happen? I’ll definitely avoid that place for 5 years, let alone to drive along Jalan Ampang.

In another incident, I tried to hail the taxi but then the taxi driver stopped to pick up some tourists that queued up after me. The tourists told the taxi driver that we got there before them. Still, the taxi driver insisted to take them instead of us. Was I mad? Yes. But it was still not enough for me to start cursing.

2)Hey beautiful

In my limited cursing vocabulary i.e. your underwear smell like cow dunk, I had started cursing right after this incident. There was a pretty girl who cut our queue. She managed to hail a few taxi compared to us who had been queuing for a while but none of the taxi stopped for us.

Upon seeing this I lost my temper. Is there any significant proves that one must have a good look to hail a cab? In that case, all the ugly ducklings should stick to the smelly metro buses and LRT since it is impossible for them to hail a cab. It would bring a lot of hazards to taxi drivers. For instance, the taxi driver would have to drive as fast as he could since he couldn’t stand the thought of having some ugly creatures in the back seat. As a result, he slams his car onto the divider. What about those taxi drivers who puke out whenever they see the ugly ducklings queuing up on the side of the road waiting for taxis?

Glade would make a hell lot of money. The air freshener business as well as the car wash would have customers’ non-stop. It’ll contribute a lot to the Malaysia’s economy. Come to think of it those small businesses like Ah V’s car wash would make millions, just like the AP’s holders.

How’s your job

Well, I quit my job. No, I’m not proud of it. I went for dinner in KLCC and I was really late to go back to work. So I decided that this is it. I don’t want to be stuck with the scripts anymore. Then I went home, watched TV and started to enjoy my joblessness. Again!

What’s next?

Somebody that I just knew asks me: What do you really want to do? Have I the answer? Affirmatively no.


What's wrong with you, with us, what's happening to us?
Ah our love is a harsh cord that binds us wounding us and if we want to leave our wound,
to separate,
it makes a new knot for us and condemns us to drain our blood and burn together.
What's wrong with you?
I look at you and I find nothing in you but two eyes like all eyes,
a mouth lost among a thousand mouths that I have kissed,
more beautiful,
a body just like those that have slipped beneath my body without leaving any memory.
And how empty you went through the world like a wheat-colored jar without air,
without sound, without substance!
I vainly sought in you depth for my arms that dig,
without cease, beneath the earth: beneath your skin,
beneath your eyes,
beneath your double breast scarcely raised a current of crystalline order that does not know why it flows singing.
Why, why, why, my love, why?
Pablo Neruda

Monday, August 01, 2005

Too much love wasted

Hot and sunny Monday morning

It is 9.15am.I woke up early this morning. Fried some chicks, went into the room to choose what shirt to wear to work and voila, my chicks got burnt. An exciting kick-start to my day!

I’ve been spending the last 3 days listening to a couple of broken hearts. Both are my good friends and now they embarked on a journey to separate destinations.

The girl is still coping with the breakup. She got too comfy with him being around. Now, she is lost without him.

The boy? He found someone new and he puzzles me. A lot.
I am actually torn in between. I can’t justify myself.

What am I to do? Nothing. I am too numb to think about it.